Young Dr. Sheen Overbuild

• Evil Eyes - His goggles prevents him from turning evil. When his pupils are exposed, he turns evil.
  
• Cannibalism - When he is evil, he eats the flesh of human and drinks their blood, but it only implies to his evil persona. It is because he is half-human and half-vampire.
  
• Half Vampire - He can choose to drink blood, but not too much, but when he goes evil, he will thirst for blood. Unlike a full fledged vampire, he is immune to the sun and garlic.
  

• For his good persona, he likes to tinker during his spare time
  
• He likes cooking as well, also making it a hobby
  
• He loves to find or scavenge ancient/old machines
  
• In his evil persona, he finds it pleasing when someone suffers, and he is a sadist
  
• Aside from the sufferings of others, he finds it more enjoyable when someone dies
  

• For his good persona, he does not like to travel without someone, not unless if it is a machine
  
• He hates going on a long walk because he does not like traveling long distances
  
• For his evil persona, he hates peace and serenity
  
• He despises the humans so much, which is irritating to the eye when he sees people being happy
  
• Most of all, he despises guilds, and this hatred is only shown by his evil persona
  

• Though Sheen has no motivations with his good persona, but the motivation of his evil persona is total world annihalation
  
• He may or may not be motivated to wipe out the entire Magic Council and the Rune Knights single handedly.
  
• Lastly, he is motivated to take over Fiore and use it as a barracks of evil troops
  

• Nothing scares his evil persona, but with his good persona, he is afraid to turn evil when his goggles are removed
  
• He fears the destruction of his guild because he didn't do anything to protect it. This pertains to the good persona.
  
• Lastly, he fears the death of his loved ones. This pertains to the good persona
  

Sheen Overbuild wrote:Name: Sheen Axel Overbuild
Gender: Male
Age: 15
Birthday: October 8
Sexuality: Bisexual
Special Characteristics:

• Evil Eyes - His goggles prevents him from turning evil. When his pupils are exposed, he turns evil.
  
• Cannibalism - When he is evil, he eats the flesh of human and drinks its blood, but it only implies when his goggle is not worn. It might be that he is a half-human and half-vampire.
  
• Half Vampire - He can choose to drink blood, but not too much, but when he goes evil, he will thirst for blood.
  

For the chunk above.
1.) "its" should be "their"
2.) "It might be that he is half-human and half-vampire." This sentence is worded a oddly. Are you saying that: His cannibalism probably comes from the fact that he's half-vampire. When he's evil the half-vampire side's craving for humans is stronger?


Personality:
Sheen has, without doubt, has 2 personas/personalitis: One which is good, innocent, and pure; while the other is cruel, wicked, selfish, and importantly, evil. This kind of change of persona is controlled with a simple goggle, infused with magic which will suppress the evilness in his tainted heart. In the future, the two personas must fight each persona and decide which persona will take over his body.

For the chunk above
1.) "Sheen has, without doubt has 2 personas/personalitis" is worded a oddly. It should be
"Sheen has, without a doubt 2 personas/personalitis"
2.) Personas/personalities is essentially the same thing. So please choose either Personas or personalities. Also you spelled personalities wrong.
3.) "In the future, the two personas must fight each persona..."This sentence is worded oddly. Are you saying that in the future the two personas must fight each other to the death to decide which persona will completely take over hisbody?

On his good side, he is very kind and good, often doing good deeds with a cheerful smile and maybe a sly grin on his face. This was the good side of him, and his heart is pure of warmth, for now. His untainted persona lets him live in a fulfilling life and a better one. He is kind and generous to other people, for he is 'stinking rich'. He is not greedy with his possessions, but he may throw a fit when someone wants one of his prized possessions. He can get cranky at times, but usually, he gets cranky when he is disturbed during tinkering. He doesn't want to be disturbed when he is doing something important. It would make him get annoyed and sometimes, he would curse someone.

For the chunk above
1.) "and good" You already said he was good in the beginning.
2.) You should take out this sentence. Then make a new sentence out of: His heart is pure and filled with warmth.
3.) "in" You should take out "in".
4.) "and a better one." And a better one what? A better one then the evil persona? If that's so then state it please. "and a better one than his evil persona."
5.) "for he is 'stinking rich' " Someone can be generous and kind without being very rich. They way you wrote it it's like you are implying because he is stinking rich he is generous. I suggest putting the fact that he is rich
a.) in your history app and take it out of this application completely
b.) Take it out of the ending of that sentence and make it into the beginning of the next sentence. Such as "He is stinking rich but he is not greedy with his possessions." If you do that you should make a new sentence out of the next statement. "Though, he may throw a fit when someone wants one of his prizes possessions."
6.) "He can get cranky at times, but usually..." This sentence is a bit odd. You should take out the but and the coma after usually. "He can get cranky at times, usually he gets cranky

During the battle, he never backs out. He is courageous enough to fight against his opponent, often intimidating his opponent more. He never chickens out of combat, not even once or twice. He will focus on his opponent and try to win it, as he will always look at probable incomes which will either turn the tides of battle or it will make him lose. Against evil mages, he may use his own body to defend the ones he loves, and block incoming attacks. He is brave. Brave indeed. He is brave enough to suffer consquences.


For the chunk above
1.) "During the battle, he never backs out." This is oddly worded. Could you change it to something among the lines of: "He never backs out from a battle."
2.) "He never chickens out of combat, not even once or twice." You just said the same thing twice. Earlier you said "He never backs out of a battle." Take this portion out please.
3.)"He is brave. Brave indeed." Can you take this out please?
4.) "consquences" should be: consequences

On his other persona, an evil grin can be revealed. His ever evil death stare, which will send people to shiver in horror. He becomes agressive as he wears off his goggles, the only object to suppress his evil persona. Defining himself as evil, he is most likely a sadist. He enjoys the misery of other people and loves to torture his opponents. He wants to torment them until they die and he is able to suck his blood and eat his flesh.
For the chunk above
1.) "On his other persona, an evil grin can be revealed."
Are you saying that when he's in his evil persona he grins evilly a lot?
2.) "which will send people to..." Should be something among the lines of "which can make people shiver in horror" because this sentence is worded oddly.
3.) "He becomes aggressive as he wears off his goggles.." Are you saying that when his goggles are off he becomes a more aggressive person.
Also you should put the fact that taking his goggles off is what makes the evil persona come alive at the BEGINNING of your chunk.
4.) "agressive" should be "aggressive"
5.) If he enjoys the misery of other people, loves to torture his opponents, wants to torment then until they die. He IS a sadist. Please change "he is most likely a sadist" to "he is a sadist"

During a battle, he is the same as the other persona, but much different. Instead, he uses different people as shields, making them die in agony as he would suck up their blood after. He is THAT cruel and malevolent. He would forget about the ones he loves, and make them suffer as well, without his conscience to prevent him from using them as a shield.

For the chunk above
1.) "During a battle, he is the same as the other persona, but much different." He's not the same if he's different from the other persona. Could you please change it to the evil persona is different from the good persona in battle? Especially since you wrote afterwards that he uses people as shields instead of using himself as a shield like in his good persona.

In general, Sheen is a split persona psychopath. He has 2 different Personas who will fight each other to conquer his body. his different personalities would make his acquaintances confused, and drive them to a conclusion that he is crazy. But, he doesn't care. He is a carefree person, so it seems. This is him, not anybody else. He wants this personality switching to stop.
Likes:
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• With his goggles on, he likes to tinker during his spare time
  
• He likes cooking as well, also making it a hobby
  
• He loves to find or scavenge ancient/old machines
  
• Without his goggles on, he finds it pleasing when someone suffers, much more being a sadist.
  
• Aside from the sufferings of others, he finds it more enjoyable when someone dies
  

For the Chunk above
1.) "much more" could you please take it out?
Dislikes:

• With his goggles on, he does not like to travel without someone, not unless if it is a living machine
  
• He hates going on a long stroll and walk. He does not like to travel long distances
  
• Without his goggles, he hates peace and serenity
  
• He despises the humans so much, which is irritating to the eye when he saw people being happy
  
• Most of all, he despises guilds
  

For the chunk above
1.) Are you saying that he does not like to travel without a person. The exception to this being a living machine?
2.) "stroll and walk" You just said the same thing twice. Can you please either leave in stroll and take out walk or leave in walk and take out stroll? Also could you please combine your two sentences here together to form something like "He hates going on a long walk because he does not like traveling long distances." ?
3. "saw" should be "sees"
4.) Just a question. Does he despise guilds in both of his personas? or Does his evil persona despise guilds?
Motivations:

• Though Sheen has no motivations without his goggles, his motivation without his goggles is total world annhihalation
  
• He may or may not be motivated to wipe out the entire Magic Council and the Rune Knights single handedly.
  
  
• Lastly, he is motivated to take over Fiore and use it as a barracks of evil troops
  

For the above chunk
1.) Are you trying to say that with his goggles he has no motivations? Though without his goggles his motivation is total world annihilation. Also.."annhihalation" should be "annihilation"
2.) "He may or may not be motivated to wipe out the entire Magic Council..." Is this his evil persona? Can you state so if it is please.
3.) "Last he is motivated to take over Fiore..." Is this his evil persona? If so can you state so please.

Fears:

• Nothing fears him without his goggles, but with his goggles on, he is afraid to turn evil when his goggles are removed
  
• He fears the destruction of his guild because he didn't do anything to protect it
  
• Lastly, he fears the death of his loved ones
  

1.) This is worded oddly. Could you change it to something among the lines of "Without his googles he fears nothing."
2.) Is this his Evil persona or his good persona, that "Fears the destruction of his guild..."?
3.) Is this his Evil persona or his good persona, that "fears the death of his loved ones..."?


General Appearance


Height: 4'11"
Weight: 79 lbs.
Hair: Silver, reaching down to his neck
Eyes: With Goggles, it is unclear, for the lens are sky blue and you cannot see the eye color completely. Without his goggles, his eyes are crimson red, with a scar across his eye.
Skin Tone: Light
Appearance:
He typically wears black coat with silver trimming and silver decals, black shirt with silver trim and high collar, black pants, and black leather shoes. He might wear his lab coat in his house, with his hair style all messy and such.
Your character's weight is waaay too low. It should be at least 81 lb. Considering his height and age.

Guild/Council

Guild: Sabertooth
Tattoo: Behind his back, colored Orange
Rank: C-Rank
Probably already changed this to D rank already so..don't worry.

Sheen Overbuild wrote:Name: Sheen Axel Overbuild
Gender: Male
Age: 15
Birthday: October 8
Sexuality: Bisexual
Special Characteristics:

• Evil Eyes - His goggles prevents him from turning evil. When his pupils are exposed, he turns evil.
  
• Cannibalism - When he is evil, he eats the flesh of human and drinks their blood, but it only implies to his evil persona. It is because he is half-human and half-vampire.
  
• Half Vampire - He can choose to drink blood, but not too much, but when he goes evil, he will thirst for blood. Unlike a full fledged vampire, he is immune to the sun and garlic.
  

Personality:
Sheen has, without doubt, 2 personas: One which is good, innocent, and pure; while the other is cruel, wicked, selfish, and importantly, evil. This kind of change of persona is controlled with a simple goggle, infused with magic which will suppress the evilness in his tainted heart. In the future, the two personas must fight each persona and decide which persona will take over his body.

On his good side, he is very kind and just, often doing good deeds with a cheerful smile and maybe a sly grin on his face. His heart is pure of warmth, for now. His untainted persona lets him live a fulfilling life and a better one than his evil persona. He is kind and generous to other people. He is not greedy with his possessions. He can get cranky at times, but he usually gets cranky when he is disturbed during tinkering. He doesn't want to be disturbed when he is doing something important. It would make him get annoyed and sometimes, he would curse someone.

He never backs out from a battle. He is courageous enough to fight against his opponent, often intimidating his opponent more.. He will focus on his opponent and try to win it, as he will always look at probable incomes which will either turn the tides of battle or it will make him lose. Against evil mages, he may use his own body to defend the ones he loves, and block incoming attacks. He is brave enough to suffer consequences, which may result in his own peril, and if worse, death.

He becomes more aggressive as he wears off his goggles, the only object to suppress his evil persona. On his other,evil persona, he has an evil grin. His ever evil death stare, which can make people  shiver in horror. Defining himself as evil, he is a sadist. He enjoys the misery of other people and loves to torture his opponents. He wants to torment them until they die and he is able to suck his blood and eat his flesh.

For Chunk above
1.) This sentence is worded oddly.
Do you mean: "He becomes more aggressive when his goggles are off."?

His evil persona is different from the good persona during the battle. Instead, he uses different people as shields, making them die in agony as he would suck up their blood after. He is THAT cruel and malevolent. He would forget about the ones he loves, and make them suffer as well, without his conscience to prevent him from using them as a shield.

In general, Sheen is a split persona psychopath. He has 2 different Personas who will fight each other to conquer his body. his different personalities would make his acquaintances confused, and drive them to a conclusion that he is crazy. But, he doesn't care. He is a carefree person, so it seems. This is him, not anybody else. He wants this personality switching to stop.
Likes:

• For his good persona, he likes to tinker during his spare time
  
• He likes cooking as well, also making it a hobby
  
• He loves to find or scavenge ancient/old machines
  
• In his evil persona, he finds it pleasing when someone suffers, and he is a sadist
  
• Aside from the sufferings of others, he finds it more enjoyable when someone dies
  

Dislikes:

• For his good persona, he does not like to travel without someone, not unless if it is a machine
  
• He hates going on a long walk because he does not like traveling long distances
  
• For his evil persona, he hates peace and serenity
  
• He despises the humans so much, which is irritating to the eye when he sees people being happy
  
• Most of all, he despises guilds, and this hatred is only shown by his evil persona
  

Motivations:

• Though Sheen has no motivations with his good persona, but the motivation of his evil persona is total world annihalation
  
• He may or may not be motivated to wipe out the entire Magic Council and the Rune Knights single handedly.
  
• Lastly, he is motivated to take over Fiore and use it as a barracks of evil troops
  

Fears:

• Nothing fears his evil persona, but with his good persona, he is afraid to turn evil when his goggles are removed
  
• He fears the destruction of his guild because he didn't do anything to protect it. This pertains to the good persona.
  
• Lastly, he fears the death of his loved ones. This pertains to the good persona
  

1.) Can you please replace "fears his evil persona" with "scares his evil persona"

General Appearance


Height: 4'11"
Weight: 81 lbs.
Hair: Silver, reaching down to his neck
Eyes: With Goggles, it is unclear, for the lens are sky blue and you cannot see the eye color completely. Without his goggles, his eyes are crimson red, with a scar across his eye.
Skin Tone: Light
Appearance:
He typically wears black coat with silver trimming and silver decals, black shirt with silver trim and high collar, black pants, and black leather shoes. He might wear his lab coat in his house, with his hair style all messy and such.

Guild/Council

Guild: Sabertooth
Tattoo: Behind his back, colored Orange
Can you please change this from "behind his back" to just "back".
There is nothing behind your character's back but air.
Rank: D-Rank

Sheen Overbuild wrote:
Personality:
Sheen has, without doubt, 2 personas: One which is good, innocent, and pure; while the other is cruel, wicked, selfish, and importantly, evil. This kind of change of persona is controlled with a simple goggle, infused with magic which will suppress the evilness in his tainted heart. In the future, the two personas must fight each persona and decide which persona will take over his body.

On his good side, he is very kind and just, often doing good deeds with a cheerful smile and maybe a sly grin on his face. His heart is pure of warmth, for now. His untainted persona lets him live a fulfilling life and a better one than his evil persona. He is kind and generous to other people. He is not greedy with his possessions. He can get cranky at times, but he usually gets cranky when he is disturbed during tinkering. He doesn't want to be disturbed when he is doing something important. It would make him get annoyed and sometimes, he would curse someone.

He never backs out from a battle. He is courageous enough to fight against his opponent, often intimidating his opponent more.. He will focus on his opponent and try to win it, as he will always look at probable incomes which will either turn the tides of battle or it will make him lose. Against evil mages, he may use his own body to defend the ones he loves, and block incoming attacks. He is brave enough to suffer consequences, which may result in his own peril, and if worse, death.

He becomes more aggressive when his goggles are off, the only object to suppress his evil persona. On his other,evil persona, he has an evil grin. His ever evil death stare, which can make people  shiver in horror. Defining himself as evil, he is a sadist. He enjoys the misery of other people and loves to torture his opponents. He wants to torment them until they die and he is able to suck his blood and eat his flesh.

His evil persona is different from the good persona during the battle. Instead, he uses different people as shields, making them die in agony as he would suck up their blood after. He is THAT cruel and malevolent. He would forget about the ones he loves, and make them suffer as well, without his conscience to prevent him from using them as a shield.

In general, Sheen is a split persona psychopath. He has 2 different Personas who will fight each other to conquer his body. his different personalities would make his acquaintances confused, and drive them to a conclusion that he is crazy. But, he doesn't care. He is a carefree person, so it seems. This is him, not anybody else. He wants this personality switching to stop.

It's so close! You need 500 words in your personality and you only have 473. http://wordcounter.net/ <--used this to count your words.

Sheen Overbuild wrote:Name: Sheen Axel Overbuild
Gender: Male
Age: 15
Birthday: October 8
Sexuality: Bisexual
Special Characteristics:

• Evil Eyes - His goggles prevents him from turning evil. When his pupils are exposed, he turns evil.
  
• Cannibalism - When he is evil, he eats the flesh of human and drinks their blood, but it only implies to his evil persona. It is because he is half-human and half-vampire.
  
• Half Vampire - He can choose to drink blood, but not too much, but when he goes evil, he will thirst for blood. Unlike a full fledged vampire, he is immune to the sun and garlic.
  

Personality:
Sheen has, without doubt, 2 personas: One which is good, innocent, and pure; while the other is cruel, wicked, selfish, and importantly, evil. This kind of change of persona is controlled with a simple goggle, infused with magic which will suppress the evilness in his tainted heart. In the future, the two personas must fight each persona and decide which persona will take over his body.

On his good side, he is very kind and just, often doing good deeds with a cheerful smile and maybe a sly grin on his face. His heart is pure of warmth, for now. His untainted persona lets him live a fulfilling life and a better one than his evil persona. He is kind and generous to other people. He is not greedy with his possessions. He can get cranky at times, but he usually gets cranky when he is disturbed during tinkering. He doesn't want to be disturbed when he is doing something important. It would make him get annoyed and sometimes, he would curse someone.

When he is working on something, he is always serious. He doesn't want any commotion around him. He can sometimes be clumsy, resulting in something bad. When he gets clumsy inside the lab, he might destroy his machine.

He never backs out from a battle. He is courageous enough to fight against his opponent, often intimidating his opponent more.. He will focus on his opponent and try to win it, as he will always look at probable incomes which will either turn the tides of battle or it will make him lose. Against evil mages, he may use his own body to defend the ones he loves, and block incoming attacks. He is brave enough to suffer consequences, which may result in his own peril, and if worse, death.

He becomes more aggressive when his goggles are off, the only object to suppress his evil persona. On his other,evil persona, he has an evil grin. His ever evil death stare, which can make people  shiver in horror. Defining himself as evil, he is a sadist. He enjoys the misery of other people and loves to torture his opponents. He wants to torment them until they die and he is able to suck his blood and eat his flesh.

His evil persona is different from the good persona during the battle. Instead, he uses different people as shields, making them die in agony as he would suck up their blood after. He is THAT cruel and malevolent. He would forget about the ones he loves, and make them suffer as well, without his conscience to prevent him from using them as a shield.

In general, Sheen is a split persona psychopath. He has 2 different Personas who will fight each other to conquer his body. his different personalities would make his acquaintances confused, and drive them to a conclusion that he is crazy. But, he doesn't care. He is a carefree person, so it seems. This is him, not anybody else. He wants this personality switching to stop.
Likes:

• For his good persona, he likes to tinker during his spare time
  
• He likes cooking as well, also making it a hobby
  
• He loves to find or scavenge ancient/old machines
  
• In his evil persona, he finds it pleasing when someone suffers, and he is a sadist
  
• Aside from the sufferings of others, he finds it more enjoyable when someone dies
  

Dislikes:

• For his good persona, he does not like to travel without someone, not unless if it is a machine
  
• He hates going on a long walk because he does not like traveling long distances
  
• For his evil persona, he hates peace and serenity
  
• He despises the humans so much, which is irritating to the eye when he sees people being happy
  
• Most of all, he despises guilds, and this hatred is only shown by his evil persona
  

Motivations:

• Though Sheen has no motivations with his good persona, but the motivation of his evil persona is total world annihalation
  
• He may or may not be motivated to wipe out the entire Magic Council and the Rune Knights single handedly.
  
• Lastly, he is motivated to take over Fiore and use it as a barracks of evil troops
  

Fears:

• Nothing scares his evil persona, but with his good persona, he is afraid to turn evil when his goggles are removed
  
• He fears the destruction of his guild because he didn't do anything to protect it. This pertains to the good persona.
  
• Lastly, he fears the death of his loved ones. This pertains to the good persona
  

General Appearance


Height: 4'11"
Weight: 81 lbs.
Hair: Silver, reaching down to his neck
Eyes: With Goggles, it is unclear, for the lens are sky blue and you cannot see the eye color completely. Without his goggles, his eyes are crimson red, with a scar across his eye.
Skin Tone: Light
Appearance:
He typically wears black coat with silver trimming and silver decals, black shirt with silver trim and high collar, black pants, and black leather shoes. He might wear his lab coat in his house, with his hair style all messy and such.

Guild/Council

Guild: Sabertooth
Tattoo: Back, colored Orange
Rank: D-Rank