the need to trust~ [Johann]

The feel of Johann pressing his skin to hers in a comforting manner, the reassuring warmth he provided. She leaned into him, unable to help herself. She closed her eyes, she needed to compose herself. Remembering those things, sharing them was one thing, but she didn't want to upset him. It was clear from his words that he taking on blame, even though she'd told him she saw no fault in his actions. She would need to be mindful, she said nothing, taking a moment of peace to calm herself before slowly opening her eyes, arching her neck to look up at him. They had indeed as he'd stated, learned their lesson. It wasn't something she ever intended to attempt again, she could not endure it, nor could she bear a repeat of the consequence.

He would follow with words that were enough to take her by surprise, her eyes widening and her heartbeat quickening slightly. Even though they had already admitted their feelings for one enough, hearing him say such things still flustered her. She bit her lip, trying to suppress the smile that attempted to force its way onto her face. She reached up, stroking his cheek tenderly with her fingers. She would lean over, eyes closing briefly as she kissed him softly. The gentle affectionate kiss a means to express her delight at his words before she pulled away to look at him once more. "You won't." She promised, it was a complicated vow, because, despite her words, she knew she had no idea what fate had in store for her. It was possible that death could snatch either of them at any moment, perhaps she was being foolish, promising him such a thing. But she couldn't help it, she wanted him to feel reassured. "For as long as you'll have me, I'll be here." She added, before offering one more soft kiss, a means to seal her promise.

After pulling away, she would move, shifting her body so that she was now resting on her knees, facing toward him, her expression becoming serious. "At the very least... I know better now, better than to believe that I can exist without Anima. It seems that like you, I am destined to be-" She would sigh, somewhat dejectedly as she continued, "A vessel to one of these seals." She took a moment to contemplate what it was she would do, whilst she didn't want to bring the pleasant moment of peace they were sharing to an end, she knew there were things she needed to address and in order to address them, she would need to talk to them.

"What I've yet to understand... is why this has happened to us in particular?" She moved her eyes back to Johann, except that she wasn't looking at just him, but also to the Nephilim that resided inside him. "What is the reason for these seals needing to reside in humans? Is there some motive or do you merely require a host in order to exist?" She also wasn't just addressing Mars at this point, but Anima as well, both had been quiet up until now, offering the couple their privacy. But it seemed that there were more pressing matters that needed to be discussed, information she was willing to sacrifice their privacy for.

---

Following her initial question, she would watch as Johann shook his head. Admitting to her his own lack of knowledge on the matter, she would nod at his suggestion. It certainly did feel that way, she found it hard to believe that the selection was purely random. Was it possible that they were really that unlucky? It just didn't that way, not to mention of all the bodies in the entire world that these so-called 'seals' could have claimed, they just so happened to claim Johann and Amalie. Two individuals who would eventually come together following her recruitment into the West Fiore Trading Company. It wasn't just them either, there was that fellow from Fairy Tail too. the red-head they'd done the job within Fat Monsterland, he was also believed to be a host. As far as Amalie was aware, there were seven seals in total, was it possible that in time she would meet more vessels, or perhaps she'd already met one without realizing.

Johann would comment further, mentioning that whilst the vessels and seals kept each other in check. Which was something she wasn't entirely certain of, so far her experience with the seal inside her had been nothing but detrimental. Although somehow she had the feeling that was to do with her own reluctance to accept the seal as a part of her. As she spoke once more, moving deeper into her questioning of the seals and their connection to humans. She would Johann called Mars forth, Johann's left eye turning that familiar hue of black that indicated the seal's presence. She leaned back slightly at the booming voice of the rather disgruntled Seal of War, correcting Johann's means of addressing their 'Father', as he spoke, Amalie could feel movement within. The seal inside her own body would shift, having been keeping back until now, the presence of his brother would cause Anima to shift to the front of Amalie consciousness. It was strange, feeling him there alongside her, although it was significantly better than before, without the nausea. Mars almost seemed to move onto a tangent level of lecturing had Johann not interrupted and told Mars to 'get to the point'. So the seal would digress, explaining that without a human vessel, the seals were too difficult to entrust their own bodies too. The explanation albeit clear, seemed rather simplified, was that really it? They were just dumped in any old human, at least that was how she was interpreting it. "You say humans 'passed you down'. Are they passed down randomly or is there the potential that they are passed down amongst families?"

It seemed that this question would prompt the Fifth Seal to speak, however unlike Mars who used Johann's mouth to speak. Anima's voice would merely echo throughout the room, as though he was sat amongst them. Although not projecting from any specific point in particular, "That would depend on the individual, in order to become a host, a vessel must be capable of maintaining us in the first place. Some vessels have been known to reappear in families as some bloodlines are more suited to such things. However, if there is no suitable heir, the seal may be transferred to a different vessel entirely." He explained, Amalie would nod. Thinking about her own bloodline, she was a descendant of the Blossoms. The history of Cordelia and Antoinette was proof enough to show that they were power in her family but never had she heard of any 'seals' or 'vessels' in her family history. Perhaps, she'd been chosen randomly instead.

Mars would continue, explaining further about their ability to withstand magical power, and not exploding when the seals handed over their energy. He would then mention something that drew both the attention of herself and Johann. She had suspected something of the sort when she had researched the seals of the book of life. Although this was the first time it had been confirmed. "The Final Judgement, huh?" Amalie commented softly, it was an unnerving concept, an apocalypse being brought down on the way at the command of a so-called 'god'. She wasn't sure how to feel about it. She bit the inside of her cheek, "So from the sounds of it, were myself or Johann to die, I'm right in assuming that you guys would just move on to the next vessel. Does this mean the seals are immortal or can they be destroyed?" She had another question, although she wasn't sure how well it would be received. Still, she had to ask, for the sake of her own security. "Also, can a seal kill its own vessel or does it always require the aid of another seal?"

---

Amalie's eyes met the seals, watching him as his head bobbed from side to side, reiterating her remark about the final judgement. She bit the inside of her cheek, not entirely settled by his reaction. His giggle, his hint; if that day ever comes... It was an ominous possibility. A far as the stories went, the final judement was not a pleasant experience. At least not for the sinners, whether Amalie would be classed as a sinner. Well, that remained to be seen, she wasn't exactly pure, and she did kill her husband. Murder was the greatest sin was it not?

Mars's next words irked the woman further, how easily he dismissed Johann's life, ready to move onto the next. "How reassuring," She replied in a sarcastic tone, not making any attempt to hide her dissatisfaction. As they digressed, it seemed that Mars would not take her questions kindly, particular the one about whether it was possible for a seal to kill their vessel. She listened passively, unphased by the seal's reaction, even as Johann interrupted. Explaining to the seal that it was but a question, and it was, she was less concerned about keeping him sweet and finding out the risks of keeping the seal inside her. Now that it seemed like there wasn't really much choice in the matter anymore. "I see, so as long as we behave huh." She replied, more to herself than anything.

As he questioned whether this was enough to sate her, curiosity. She nodded, "No, that's quite alright, in fact, if anything. I'd like some privacy, so if you could, you know, step in the other room or whatever it is that you seals do when, well, you know." Then was a somewhat, awkward cough, and then she would feel Anima's presence shrink away. As she waited for it to just be her and Johann again, she sighed, relaxing a little. She shifted onto her side, lying back down onto the bed once more, propping herself up on her elbow and resting her face against her chin. "I just find it so bizarre, Johann. Having this being inside me, this living entity that I knew nothing about. Capable of god knows what, able to control my very being if they wanted to." She admitted to him, she reached other, tugging his arm lightly, indicating that she wanted him to move closer to her. It was something she was beginning to notice, but just feeling his warmth put her more at ease.

"But I suppose..." She smirked up at him, reaching up to run her hands through his silver locks, "At the very least it brought something good." Her eyes scanned his face, admiring his features. Just meeting his gaze had an unquestionable effect on her, and know that she had admitted her feelings, she was even weaker to resist such urges. Which made her ponder another potential dilemma, "Johann, you know that, everything I told you, my ...feelings. You know that they are genuine right?" She began, "And now that you know this and well, reciprocated those feelings. I have to wonder, how are we going to address the issue of our standing with each other in the guild? If we're honest, you're my boss, and if history serves truthfully, dating your boss isn't often well-received, even with the more genuine of situations." She turned her gaze away, feeling a little frustrated by the idea that her wanting to be with Johann had to potential to cause some, unwanted complications for the man. "I don't want you to have to compromise anything because of me."

---

She said nothing as the Seal of War made his comment before leaving them be, much to her relief she would sense that Anima too seemed to 'excuse himself'. Whatever that meant. How much could you really part from your vessel, weren't they always there; seeing what they saw, hearing what they heard. Wasn't that what it meant to share a body with someone else? She wasn't really sure, perhaps that was a conversation to be had with Anima, but not now. Another time. When she wasn't so frazzled from the day's events, she was exhausted emotionally, physically. She felt so many things, so much more than she was used to feeling. Frustrated and happy at the same time, it was an absurd experience, to say the least. As Johann responded to her, telling her that he had chosen to trust Mars as much as he did, she was surprised. Johann wasn't a fool, she doubted that he would trust anyone so much without good reason. She sighed, before speaking once more. "I see..." She began, the seal would probably hear this, but it didn't matter. What did it matter what she thought about him? "I can't say I trust Anima, but I trust you, so I'll do as you do, and work with him." She stated, hoping sincerely that she wouldn't regret the decision. Distantly, she felt an air of relief from within, not hers, but his.

As Johann responded to her touch, she would lift her head for him to make it easier for him to wrap his arm around her shoulders, before sinking back against him. His teasing reply washing away her unease slightly as she grinned back up at him. As they digressed into the subject of their work relationship, she had expected a vastly different reaction to what she expected. Initially, she expected him to at least be concerned over the matter, perhaps even to the point of reconsidering their relationship. Despite their romantic feelings, she doubted Johann was the type to compromise his job over a budding romance, it wasn't like he didn't have other options. Undoubtedly there were women out there who would throw themselves at the chance to date him, probably women more suitable than she.

"It's not gossip I'm concerned with. It's more... I don't know, maybe I'm just used to facing a lot of flack for being with men people consider me unworthy of." She said with an incredulous laugh. How could she explain to him that she was worried about any progress she made in the guild would just be viewed as nepotism and be used as a cause to bring his leadership into question? That she would have to deny any opportunities on the grounds of progression purely to prevent disquiet amongst the guild. She remembered what it was like before, it wasn't the same position, but it was similar.

"Years ago, when I was still married and belonged to The Company. We had a system... a hierarchy, amongst the men and for lack of a better term... the wives. The Corvins; my husband and his brother, they were at the top of the hierarchy and as a result of being wed to a Corvin, so was I. But when Wyatt found me... I was homeless, I come from a family of no standing, with no father to speak of and a whore for a mother. I was a nobody." She glanced away, she hadn't told him this about herself, it wasn't exactly something she paraded. However, she hoped that her anecdote would help him understand her perspective. "Funny, even criminals have a class system it would seem. Wyatt should've married a different girl, the daughter of one of the main underground families, but he chose me, and that caused a lot of problems for us... for me. The wives were... especially furious. As such, I was challenged a lot and in The Company... well let's just say disputes are settled unpleasantly. I hurt a lot of people Johann, a lot of women. Just to prove I was worthy to stand by the side of one man. Relentlessly for years and it was never enough, eventually the wives stopped challenging me, more so out of fear than anything. But they're opinions didn't change, I was still worthless. And you know despite this, the most frustrating thing wasn't the fights, but actually just the lack of acceptance. That no matter how hard I fought, I would never be good enough."  She brought her gaze back to him, her eyes earnest as she continued, her voice laced with a slight sadness. He was so confident, so sure that it was fine. But she couldn't be, because she had lived this before. "You may think it will be easy to ignore the looks, the whispers, but it won't be. They'll never accept us. Because you are Johann Von Weiss, God of Ishgar and Ambassador of Dies Irae and I am... nothing."

---

How do I live? How do I breathe? When you're not here
I'm suffocating, I want to feel love, run through my blood
Amalie

---

Her ice-blue eyes watched as Johann set about offering his thoughts on the matter. He was particularly passionate about how unimportant such titles were, how they meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. She smiled softly, allowing him to speak. Although not entirely agreeing with his words, alas they didn't bother her, she understood his thoughts, what he was saying. One might hope that as a whole, none of it really mattered; your name, your title. At the end of the day humans were just bags and flesh bone, and one day they would return to the earth, reduced to little more than that. But to her, she just couldn't imagine a world where people put that perspective at the forefront of everything. People loved titles, they loved to feel important, to be impressive. Society had ingrained in the human psyche that in order to carry some value in your life you had to impress others. Whether that was with how strong you were, how much money you accumulated or your position in society. Even she had to admit, a lot of it was tempting to her, especially as a girl who grew up with nothing.

As he continued, even went so far as too apologize, she would frown slightly. Realising he had misunderstood her, she hadn't worded it well, and as a result he thought she was talking from her own point of view of herself, she could see how he may have picked this up. But she decided to clarify this once he had finished. She enjoyed the tirade of words, the heat he expressed, hearing his pride as he spoke of Dies Irae. At the end of it she would sigh, reaching up she would curl her fingers around his neck, and pull him towards her, meeting his lips with a kiss. A reassurance that she was in no way upset by what he had said, she put a little heat into the kiss, angling her body so it was pressed against his. The warmth of his skin against her both soothing and exciting to the woman. Within a significant effort, she would stop herself from continuing further, pulling back so she could address him. Her eyes meeting his once more, she shook her head gently,

"Johann, please, you misunderstand. I'm sorry, I phrased it as though this was my perspective as opposed to the perspective of others. I do not think that I'm nothing, that I am unworthy. I know my worth, I learned my worth before I'd even hit puberty, how strong I'd need to be to survive this awful world. I'm just saying that's what they thought of me, I know, I heard it. Sometimes in whispers, sometimes to my face. I've grown up as a magnet for disdain and jealousy for as long as I can remember. Maybe because I decided to rise above the hand I was dealt, people couldn't stand that, it didn't fit with their idea of balance. Funny really, all the hate I received, it just made me value myself more, made me want to push further to prove them all wrong. It was tough sometimes, but I was determined not to let it crush me. Because if I did, then I wouldn't be me; I would be nothing, I would be exactly what they thought of me." She explained, hoping these would ease his concerns. She didn't want him to worry about things like her lack of self-worth when it wasn't an issue. Sometimes, it was hard as she had said, sometimes doubts slipped into her mind. But she had fought them long enough and it seemed that Anima's binds on her mind had helped. As long as this was the case, it wouldn't get to her. It couldn't damage her.

"All I am saying is that it is naive to think that whilst you may not care about the importance of titles, and wealth and power. People are selfish, they are greedy and so many of them will look at us with these as you put ignorance perspectives. They will not make it easy for us. There will be talk, some might even make an actual effort to get between us. But I won't let them, that I promise" She brought her hand up to his face, her fingers tracing his jawline affectionately, her voice soft as she promised him. She had waited too long, yearned too long, to allow pettiness to ruin what she finally had with Johann.

"And, if you are willing to be my side in spite of this, then I'll accept that you can take it. I mean, how can I not, seeing as I'm your everything and all." She added the last part in a teasing manner, chuckling a little. She figured at this point that the conversation had slipped into a level of intensity that need lightening a little. She wanted him to know it was ok. "Now, back to what you said. About being a bad man, first of all, bad boys are sexy, don't fault it. Secondly, You are a good man. Sure you may have done things that skirt the line of moral, but that's just a part and parcel of living in this world. Sometimes you have to do things that are 'bad' just to get by, I know I have but I have seen how good you are, your heart is good Johann, no bad deeds or dark history is going to convince me otherwise." She told him warmly, hoping her words would wash away such thoughts, just as he had not liked the idea of her devaluing himself. She did not enjoy the concept of him doing so either. She wasn't a strong believer in fate, but maybe, just maybe, if it was really. Then maybe everything he'd done, the titles, the reputation. Maybe they were all stepping stones that were put in place to leading him here.

And if that was the case, then maybe, just maybe. Everything she'd endured was the steps that would lead her here also. She never would have run off to the West Fiore Trading Company had it not been for everything she went through with Wyatt. She never would have met Johann, worked with him, gotten to know him. She might have never discovered the seal inside of her and spent her entire life playing host to something she didn't know exists. She wouldn't come to Amber Island, and wouldn't be in this bed next to him. Feeling for the first time in a long time, hopeful that her future might have something good in store.

---

How do I live? How do I breathe? When you're not here
I'm suffocating, I want to feel love, run through my blood
Amalie

---

His reciprocation of the kiss was enough to drive the woman's sense wild anew, it was crazy to acknowledge how much influence he had on her especially after have only engaged in this type of relationship twice now. But everything he did appeared to have an effect on her, even if she had kissed him first it was there in every motion he made towards her. Even the most subtle brushes of his fingers created an insatiable ache within Amalie that hungered for more. Stopping herself from taking more only seemed to prove more difficult each time, especially when she knew just how wonderful it could feel to be with him. It was a high unlike any other, one she could hardly get enough of.

Her explanation seemed to put him at ease, the earlier tension that his slight outburst might have created melting away, moving them in a more relaxed atmosphere, once she was happy to reside in. As she came to a break, he would offer her a question, her eyes softened, she reached up to caress his cheek. "Perhaps a bit of both," She answered softly, as he continued it was seemed he had come to understand the point she was making. She nodded, it would be nice to hope that people would make it easy for the two of them. But Amalie knew from experience that it just wasn't likely, for one thing, she knew that once Charles learned of their relationship. He would likely stop at nothing to attempt to destroy it, after all she knew full well that he was a firm believer than Amalie had no right to happiness. Not after what she took from him. His reassurance that he too would not allow anything to come between them warmed her, provided an additional comfort she didn't know she needed until he said it.

As she continued her rambling, her teasing of him only proved to incite that most delightful reaction. She enjoyed the blush on his cheeks, the coy manner in which he looked away. It was a side of Johann she favoured deeply, quite adorable to think she could make such a powerful and impressive man as he react in such a way. Such behaviour only proved to spur her on in hopes of seeing it more, only in private however. It was a side of him she wanted to keep for herself, so that only she may enjoy that  expression. However in this instance, she had decided against teasing him further and had moved on to explain to him her thoughts about who he was. Hoping that as she spoke, he would grasp the truth behind her words, that he perhaps could see it too. How wonderful he was, how much she meant to him, and how she saw him.

She watched as his eyes would close, saying nothing further. She didn't know what was going through the man's mind right now, but something told her he was deliberating with some form of internal conflict. Something about what she had said had brought up something personal for him, some matter she was not yet privy to. She would hoped he would open up to her, but perhaps in time. It was early days for both of them, she would not pry. She just hoped he believed her words, and that maybe in some way, they could help him. When finally he spoke, she swelled slightly, something about his words created a twinge in her chest. Her heart would race as she parted her lips, words threatening to leave her. "Johann, I..."

Her voice become stuck in her throat, could she say that now? Should she? It was just so soon. Yet her feelings for him went far beyond infatuation and lust, deeper than friendship, and more electric that adoration. It was more than that, and perhaps that was the only word for it. Then again, perhaps it wasn't, maybe it was just something in between, it was entirely possible that she was just caught up in the moment. That the emotional toil of the day was making her especially sensitive, and whilst a part of her had no doubt that should they stay together long enough that she would be able to say those words with ease. At the present moment she felt as though something was holding her back. Fear? Uncertainty? Like strings wrapping themselves around her heart, squeezing her tightly, cutting off her air. She had rushed into love before, and it had only brought her pain. She wanted him to know that she cared, but perhaps it was too soon to push feelings on to him that neither of them might be ready for. Love changed things, and perhaps it was best that she didn't overcomplicate whatever it was they had with such a dangerous word. So instead she leaned up and offered him one more sweet kiss. Putting his feelings into this little action in hopes that he would feel it too. Then she pulled away, lying back she brought her arms from his neck.

"Come, Johann, it has been a long day, we should get some sleep." She told him softly, she would adjust the covers once more, shifting into a more comfortable position, but keeping one hand resting on his chest. The feel of him there provided a subtle sense of comfort and safety. After one last look at him, she would allow her ice-blue eyes to droop closed, fatigue washing over her quickly. She would soon fall into a deep peaceful sleep, next to man she'd fallen for, the man she could finally call her own.

---