Waiting For The World To End • Private, Erika

And while you are sitting indoors
waiting for the storm to pass
I will be outside dancing in the rain

❧

Crying. That was the last sound she could remember before the darkness laying just behind her eyelids consumed her sight, never to open again.
It started so weak, and then as she began to fade more and more, it grew into a loud, pitiful wail.
What a horrible sound to die to.

It wasn't even a split second later from closing her eyes did she find herself able to open them once more. She hadn't even been the one to open her eyes herself, rather they just seemed to do it on their own.
Her vision was blurry, abstracted even more so with the vibrant white panels that laid in front of her, reflecting off the various lights in the room and shone directly into her sockets. It stung to have such brightness enter her orbs right after the deep darkness, causing the young girl to blink rapidly, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness shift.
She had died, but she wasn't dead. Not anymore. Astrid could recall the event that happened what seemed just seconds ago. How cold her last breath was as it escaped her lips, the numbness all around her body, the strange calmness she felt as her own blood surrounded her dying body. And then, nothing. Until now.
Groggily she tried turning her head to gather her surroundings, and to much surprise, she finally could again. But it was no use as of right now. Her vision still had not returned to her in full. Everything was still just mixed colors of various tones of white, the edges of objects just barely noticeable beyond that.
She lifted her hand, placing it over her eyes to try and add pressure to them, hopefully helping them to work once more while also trying to sooth the gnawing pain conjugating in the middle of her temple.

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And while you are sitting indoors
waiting for the storm to pass
I will be outside dancing in the rain

❧

A sound rose up from beside her as she added pressure to the upper half of her face. A sound she really didn't wish to hear right now. Even through the jumbled noise throbbing through her ears as they did their best to work once more she knew who it was. The woman that got her into this mess in the first place. There was no denying that sadistic tone.
Astrid wouldn't say the 'trip through hell' was as bad as she was making it seem. In fact she truly didn't get to experience it. There was only the one tiniest second of blackness, and then she ended up here. Really this was more like a dream right after your head hitting the pillow, supplied with the blurry vision and washed out sounds. Guess that would make it more like a fever dream.

The temptation to sneak a peak at her new body was great, but the ace knew it would be futile with her abstract vision. she would rather save it for a time when her new body was fully functional and she was able to see everything in it's full glory... Or horror. Whichever one best would describe her situation. 'Cute' was a complicated term. What some might find cute, others may not. And Astrid for one, was not too excited to find out what the thread mage found 'cuter' than her old body. Her old body was very cute in her own opinion, thank you very much.
After a moment of silence the violinist lowered her arm back down onto the surface below. She could still not see correctly but the pain throbbing along the side of her skull stopped at least.
What she was. That was right, that was the other reason she had done this in the first place. To find out who and what she was. As she stared up at the ceiling she was almost tempted to tell the woman to forget it. After what happened to Izayuki she felt guilty enough. If what Erika and the tanuki said about her were both true, then did she really want to know? Did she want to know she just traumatized her own mother?
"..."
The woman was met with a cold silence. She had done this to know who she was, but now that she was going to find out, she was questioning if she really wanted to.
"What happened to Mrs Hyo- I mean Reiaki?" The white haired mage asked, completely avoiding the questions in the back of her mind. "Is she okay?" Naturally she didn't know what happened to the guild master after she passed. She hoped all of this didn't go too far.
It was funny. She could remember so much burning rage that she held towards the youkai for what she had done... But after seeing such a pained face and growing to understand she was no liar, it was almost like she was terrified of what she had done to her.

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And while you are sitting indoors
waiting for the storm to pass
I will be outside dancing in the rain

❧

Crimson eyes widened and expression grew into fear at the girl's answer before narrowing a few seconds later when she gave the real one. Small lips scrunched up into an annoyed pout, turning her head to look at the blurry mess of what she assumed was Erika. That wasn't funny. For a split second there she had convinced her she had gone too far with her actions, her heart instantly jumping into her throat. But what should she have expected? From their short time together it was easy to say Erika was a psychopath. It wasn't hard to not take anything she said seriously. Astrid just hoped when it came down to asking her questions she would take it seriously and answer truthfully like she said she would.
It was weird how her words managed to describe the current event like it was nothing at all. She made it so simple and said it so nonchalantly. She had just died and the mage made it sound like it held no weight, like it didn't matter. Like everything so calm.
It did calm the girl more than it should have nonetheless, to a certain point. But at the same time she knew what she did. She knew what she agreed to. And there was nothing light about it at all.

Her first question. There were so many she had right now, but there was no use in overloading both herself and Erika by asking them all at once, so she would go slow. After all, this is what she went through death to find out. There was no going back.
"Is it true that Izayuki and Elyx are my parents? And if so, how? I was born to two others, so how can it be?"

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And while you are sitting indoors
waiting for the storm to pass
I will be outside dancing in the rain

❧

A killer.
The words dug deep like a knife, each second the explanation continued violently stabbing into her body. All this talk about time travel and being 'Astrid' but at the same time not being 'Astrid'. It was all too much and overly complex for her to grasp, so foreign and weird. The body which she thought was her own all these years was just an empty husk she carved out for herself, just so she could kill Izayuki out of anger...
Pink eyes stared wide, watching as Erika's face came in and out of focus while her vision finally began to adjust itself. Her mouth opened, but no words came out. She wanted to say something, anything, but she could not find the words.
"... Killer..."
The word had to finally be pushed out from her lips.
"I-I'm not a killer."
With her words shaking Astrid grabbed at her head with both hands, slowly bringing herself into a fetal position, as if trying to hold herself back. Hold herself back from doing what exactly? She didn't know. But she felt if she didn't she would have a melt down. Well, she was still having one anyway, but this is what people usually did when having a metal down.
"I'm not a killer. I-It's not true." It couldn't be true, it was all so out there, like it belonged in some time travel mystery novel thing. It seemed too impossible, too unbelievable.
If this was a joke the ace didn't appreciate Erika's sense of humor.

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And while you are sitting indoors
waiting for the storm to pass
I will be outside dancing in the rain

❧

She was right. Gods, she was right.
Everything she said made sense once again, just like last time. The woman had a way with words, there was no doubt about that. Even if Astrid wished she didn't. It was the painful truth. But Astrid, while believing it to some extent, could not bring herself to accept it. She had grown up believing helping others and happiness were the only two things she ever needed in life. So to think she was built out of such anger and despair? It completely went against her structure, her entire being.
"Stop it" the slayer breathed, grabbing onto her hair tighter, feeling as though at any minute she would have the power to just tear it out of her head for good. She knew she was a killer. She knew she was a being made out of pure anger and rage. But she felt if she kept denying it aloud long enough it would cease to be the truth.
Tears built up in the edges of her closed eyes, teeth grinding together, feeling the same anger starting to build up within her. It wasn't true. It can't be true. She wouldn't let it be true.
"None of this is true! It's lies! Lies i say! I'll never accept it!"

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And while you are sitting indoors
waiting for the storm to pass
I will be outside dancing in the rain

❧

It was horrible how words held so much power, to be able to sway someone so easily just by muttering a few well made sentences.
Oh how she wished she could just close her ears and reflect the woman's words. For the first time in her life, the ace missed her disability. She wanted to be able to block out such things that hurt her again, regaining her naiveness. If it meant living a lie and ignoring what she really was she would do anything to go back to the way she was before all of this happened, blissfully ignorant. No amount of punches hit could come close to how much the truth hurt. There was no going back now. She was a murderer, and she knew it.
The woman's offer to be 'free', her cold words sent a shiver down her spin, tensing as she felt her get closer. It is what she asked of her when they first talked, which had resulted in her death. The girl still did not have a good concept of what she meant, but her words were still enticing nonetheless.
Astrid blinked open her eyes once more, staring up at the clear Erika, only still murky slightly by the tears protruding from the corners of her eyes.
"W-Will it stop the pain?"
That's all she wanted. She wanted it all to hurt less.

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And while you are sitting indoors
waiting for the storm to pass
I will be outside dancing in the rain

❧

Pink orbs stared at Erika as she started to relax from her tense state, unmoving and wide.
Moving down from her face the slayer watched as the woman extended her hand to her once again.
She was the only one who could stop the pain she felt. She was the only one that could accept herself. No one else. All this time all she had done was help others in the hopes she would be accepted, without really getting anywhere. No matter how much he tried there was still that empty feeling within her, like no one actually truly accepted her. But it wasn't because they hadn't accepted her, it was because she hadn't accepted herself. That was the missing key.
Erika's words, though holding a sort of cynicism to them, helped the girl to understand this. Now she knew what she must do. She knew how to fill the wide hole inside of her.
The white haired mage sniffled, using her wrists to dry her watery eyes before forcing a determined smile.
She nodded, and in turn, placed a small hand onto the mage's.

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And while you are sitting indoors
waiting for the storm to pass
I will be outside dancing in the rain

❧

Apprentice?
The girl gave Erika a questionable look as she settled upon her new pair of legs. It did feel a bit... Weird. But not entirely different. She could tell some things were different around her body. Just looking at the front of her hair she could see it was now more of a cloud white, and more thick at that. Like a fluffy cat. She was going to miss her long silky silver hair she had taken such good care of, as this was defiantly going to need to be taken care of more... But it was very fluffy and pretty. And longer too.
... Wait did this mean...
Eyes widening to realization the slayer looked down to the ground before they became dull only a second later, her mouth pouting outward in disappointment.
"Still not taller..." the ace sighed. But yet what had she expected? She asked Erika to get a body closest to her old one, so it should be expected some aspects would remain the same... Though it would have been nicer to be at least a few inches taller.
But anywho, her appearance was not the important thing right now. She would have plenty of time to gawk at herself in the mirror later. Erika just called her her apprentice.
Caught off guard the girl tilted her head to the side, blinking. She had not agreed to be her apprentice, at least not verbally. Actually she would really prefer not to. Elyx was the only person she felt comfortable calling a true mentor. But yet Astrid was not stupid enough to dare question it.
If it meant being 'free' she would allow the woman to call her such a thing.
"How will i know the tool when i see it?"

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