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Hello Ellia! My name is Anastasia Isayev and I will be the one grading your magic today!
Anything you see in this color will be things that I request of you to correct.
After I send you the corrections, please correct the initial posts and then bump the thread so I know when you're done with it.
Now let's get this show on the road, shall we?
Well, that's everything for this magic. While it is daunting, I did speak to the other moderators about some of the issues I had and these were their suggestions. Please make the changes requested and bump it so I know to get back with you on this.
If you have any questions, please direct them to me via PM. Thanks.
Anything you see in this color will be things that I request of you to correct.
After I send you the corrections, please correct the initial posts and then bump the thread so I know when you're done with it.
Now let's get this show on the road, shall we?
Ellia wrote:Magic
Primary Magic: Desert Sun
Secondary Magic: Locked
Caster or Holder: Caster - Lost
Description: Desert sun is a lost magic even to some of the demi-human that exist. An ancient magic that Ellia had studied, and learned because of her Lamia body. The magic itself is composed of three components. The sun (light/heat) magic, Desert(Sand/desert related) magic, and lastly, her body (Lamia physique) magic. Together with all three, comes the creation of Desert sun magic. A magic which was created by Lamia & other sand/desert dwelling demi-humans only to be lost through the ages, to slowly pop up from case to case. How Ellia used it, and achieved it is unknown even to her, as she has little memory of how she came in contact with the magic, simply because it feels natural to her.
The magic itself is very light & warmth based, very few spells will detour away from that concept unless they are support based spells which give her various things. The desert side of this is based off of sands, harsh sharp sandstorms/winds and mirages from the extreme desert heat. Though it is limited somewhat to restrict any form of take-over magic, as Ellia herself is a demi-human in nature, and take-over magic just would not work with her.
As for how she uses this magic could be a wide range of things. Slowly obtaining new spells, and abilities over time(rank up) until she remembers all aspects of it, though one thing remains clear. She does know how to use this magic to fullest extent at all times, and tends to be much like the desert in times of a drought topped off with a scorching sun. In other words... relentless and unforgiving.
Strengths:
- Desert Sun magic is a Light/Sand/Lamia based magic, and is not just 1 element unless a spell otherwise states, causing it to not be as specialized in one area, giving it a lot of versatility. Meaning when being given an advantage due to the element, it is not as potent. This will give a raw 25% advantage in power against darkness/shadow based magic.
Well, the fact that your magic can be stronger than Darkness and Shadow is fine. However, the fact that it has a +X% damage cannot make it a strength. It would fit more as a Unique Ability instead of a strength. Sorry
- Relentless in nature, be it outright speed or damage output or even range.
- Highly resistant to heat/light based magic, reducing effectiveness by 50%
The above should be a Unique Ability instead of a strength
- Receives a raw 50% increase to speed while in sun/Light(warmth)
The above should be a Unique Ability instead of a strength.
Weaknesses:
- Lacks versatility in defensive power, limiting defensive options.
- User of the magic(not their magic) are weak to cold based spells, causing +50% increased damage to the user of Desert sun magic.
- Demon slayer magic. Many consider a lamia a demon or a monster, while no she is not one, she may receive additional damage from one, however she is not counted as a 'demon' in any way. She will receive 10% additional damage from spells though.
Could you rephrase the above weakness?
- Unlike light magic that is specialized, this does not receive an huge bonus to strength or power when dealing with such. Instead(See strengths) it is limited.
Please clarify what you mean by this.
- Receives a 50% debuff to speed while in the cold.
Please define what you mean by cold (Temperature-wise would be best)
Lineage:
- Spoiler:
Description: Legend tells of an enlightened monk who traveled around the world to places of ongoing war. Wherever he went, the war stopped for as long as he was present. However, he realized that whenever he left it would all start over again, so he used a powerful spell to sacrifice himself and spread his gift over the world. Some people are blessed with a fraction of the monk's gift at birth. They can call upon it to stop violence and fighting for a short period of time whenever tapping into the monk's power; they too cannot attack whilst the effect is in play.
Ability: The user shouts and spreads a white light over everyone nearby a 30 meter radius (+20 meters per rank beyond D). All fighting stops for 4 posts. People can still converse and interact, but are compelled not to do anything violent; this also applies to the user.
Usage: Duration: 4 posts. Cool-down: 10 posts. Only affects beings the user’s rank or lower.(S Max)
Unique Abilities:
- Ability 1:
In terms of the damage resistance, you could potentially (with the way it's worded):
D Rank: 20 damage resistance which completely nullifies all D Rank damage
C Rank: 30 damage resistance where C Rank spells deal 40 damage
B Rank: 40 damage resistance where B Rank spells deal 60 damage
Basically, what I'm trying to say is this is a touch bit over-powered.
Please change this to a scaling Damage Resistance in percentages. I would say you could:
D Rank: 10% Damage Resistance
C Rank: 15% Damage Resistance
B Rank: 20% Damage Resistance
A Rank: 25% Damage Resistance
S Rank: 30% Damage Resistance
Inversely, if you plan on using this as a way to resist Poison/Toxins instead, you could always state that:
- Completely resistant to poisons/toxins of Character's rank and lower
But you can only have one of those as a Unique Ability at once, not both combined. So pick one and make it a UA.
- Ability 2:
Unfortunately, I cannot allow the second half of this UA to exist. The part that states "If the spell is 2 ranks weaker than the user's rank, then this is increased by 50% instead" because, from what I was told, it violates the buffing rules. Also, this gives your weaker spells a potential of dealing 75% more damage to dark/shadow targets (which is pretty powerful at D Rank to begin with). Just get rid of that part.
Also, it was suggested that if you wish to have both a damage boost and a range boost at the same time, you would need some form of drawback (maybe increased spell cost?) to have them both at the same time. If you want to split the damage and range into 2 separate UA, then you can have them do that (and up to 50% if you scaled them up by rank anyway) without any drawbacks. But the choice is yours
- Ability 3:
Ellia wrote:
- Signature Spells:
locked till C-rank
- D-Rank:
Name: Rattle
Rank: D
Type: Sound/Light - Offensive
Duration: 3
Cooldown: Dura+1
Description: Rattle mimic's that of a rattle snake, granting the tip of Ellia's tail with a magical 'light' rattle that not only is bright to look at, easily able to cause blindness as it is like trying to stare towards the sun, but it also has a sound based part of the technique which deals 'sound' damage to those that hear it, causing a deafening rattle that is painful to listen to. Dealing D-rank per post. Blindness is not always a possibility unless the victim is weaker than the user, however equal to or stronger(Rank wise) it is just a very hard to look at bright light that prevents direct staring without intentionally trying to go blind(regardless of rank, if one stares for more than 1 post, then they will become blinded). Blinding lasts for 1 post.
Since this is considered a Damage Over Time, your damage would be: 50% damage initial, 25% damage per post for duration. Which, for D Rank spells, aren't really all that great TBH.
I also can't approve that people, regardless of their rank, would go blind if they look at it for more than 1 post. You can blind targets C Rank and below with this spell, however. But I can't approve that a D Rank spell can blind an H Rank like that. Sorry.
Also need a range for this spell too since it's an AoE.
Strengths:\
-Sight & Sound, causing two senses to be quickly taken advantage of.
-only 1/4th as effective against allies, and not effective at all to allies that she wraps around(may only choose one) Wraps around? Is this in reference to an ability or something?
-Continues for up to three posts, creating many opportunities to follow up with another attack.
Weaknesses:
-Can't choose to give allies a complete protection from it, so they must be able to withstand it.
-Those that do not need to hear will recieve zero damage, as the damage is from the sound
- Those that do not need to see will not have anything to worry about in terms of possible blinding.
-Being two ranks or higher than the spell itself reduces it's effects on you by half.
Please change this to beings two ranks or higher are not effected by the blinding. While they can take the Damage Over Time, they are immune to the blinding
Please make a weakness stating that Light Slayers can eat the light from the blinding part of this spell
Name: Sand Control
Rank: D
Type: Offensive/Defensive
Duration:3
Cooldown: Dura+1
Description: Sand control, quite possibly will become a signature spell of Ellia as it is a straight up manipulation of sand, allowing one to control 'sand' as so long as that same sand is not being manipulated by one of equal or stronger rank than her. While using this for offense or defense it is always counted as rank equal to this spell. May only control up to 25cubic feet of sand at a time. The sand may not exceed it's rank in power x1.5 per post, and thus for example, if it is used to block a spell that does 10damage, then it has it's Spell rank x1.5 -10damage left to use on for an offensive attack for the post. Control of said sand may be used up to 100feet.
Please convert how much sand you can control into meters (yes, this site runs off metrics.
The sand may not deal x1.5 damage per post. This will deal the rank of your spell in damage.
The damage blocked is entirely too much. This will block the rank of your spell in damage.
Control of the sand may only go up to 15 meters as per D Rank range.
My suggestion would be to make this a terrain altering spell that allows you to either make a single offensive attack per round activated (for spell damage) or being able to block an attack (for D Rank resistance) with a 2 post cooldown. If you choose to go this route, you would only be able to attack or defend, not both in a single post.
Strengths:
-One of the most versatile spells within Ellia's arsenal
-Able to take on offensive or defensive nature
-Able to go from short to far range.
Weaknesses:
-While it can be used as freely as being manipulated, it cannot control sand being manipulated by another of equal or higher rank. If attempting, at best they'd wage a control war, preventing either from controlling it unless one or the other was stronger. The control war would be against those of equal rank. You cannot go into a control war against someone of higher rank (or of a higher rank spell). Doing so against a higher rank will result in your spell failing due to strength
-Limited on how much it can control
-Limited on the strength of the control, limiting it's option every post.
-Wet sand is harder to control, causing the sand to only be half as strong.
Please make a weakness stating that Earth Slayers can eat your sand
Name: Praise the Sun!
Rank: D
Type: Light/Heat/Support
Duration:3
Cooldown:Dura +1
Description: This creates a small ball of light the user may cast off into the distance that warms a 25meter 15 meters area as if it was direct sunlight within the area. Great to bring to parties in the cold winter caves as it will easily change the temperature in the surrounding area to that of near a desert, or at least 'quite warm'. Those within this light feel themselves rejuvenating quickly as the light grants them a soft healing effect.
Strengths:
-Heals allies within the range for 3% hp per post
-Wont effect enemies, and enemies inside will not feel it's warmth
-Light from this cannot be used in a hostile way against the user or allies.
Weaknesses:
-Zero offensive power
-Zero defensive power
-VERY obvious as to what causes the sudden healing, as the orb of light radiates a healing aura from it.
-Can be easily destroyed by attacking it.
Please state as a weakness that light slayers can eat the light given off by this as well
Name: Lamia Bite
Rank: D
Type: Offensive
Duration: 1 Please change this to how long the poison lasts
Cooldown:2
Description:Being bitten by Ellia after activating this spell causes a venom to strike the body, causing a 'strange' sensation of 'warmth' throughout your body, as if it is being seduced by flames until the warmth suddenly starts to get warmer and deals D-rank damage per post for three posts until the poison wears off. The bonus of this spell? The vemon makes every inch of your body warm & sensitive to the touch, allowing for further actions to be much more effective.
This is also considered a DoT. This means the initial damage deals 50% D Rank damage and all subsequent damage there-after are 25% D Rank damage
Strengths:
-Even if you are immune to the poison, you'll still feel 'warmer' throughout your body, but not uncomfortable
-Allies being bitten by either mistake or not, can be damage-free if the user Chooses, by simply adding a regeneration factor to it to regenerate 1% hp per post of the poison's duration instead.
This seems like a separate spell and not a strength. Please change this strength
-Easily to conceal the execution of the poison until it is already in the victim's body
Weaknesses:
-Requires Ellia to actually bite you
-Poison goes away with time
-Not as 'harmful' as many poisons, and in fact the damage it does do is limited
-Healing spells easily disrupt the poison
Well, that's everything for this magic. While it is daunting, I did speak to the other moderators about some of the issues I had and these were their suggestions. Please make the changes requested and bump it so I know to get back with you on this.
If you have any questions, please direct them to me via PM. Thanks.
