How do I explain myself? [Intro; Open]

CALL OF THEWILD

Kanix had descended down from the chilling mountain home of Basilisk Fang, to the warm landscape of Magnolia Town. There in, the mage had tracked down the magic presences of the guild's mages, where she came back across the hall. It had been a very long time after having last been here on the grounds of the guild, a few weeks at most if she recalled correctly. Only had it been recently, had she encountered this place once more; well, not exactly the guild, itself, but Kardia Cathedral. At that church, she had been graced with the presence of Fairy Tail's guild master, who she should have attempted to kill in turn. Yet, she had never laid a wrong hand on Heero in that time being around, but listened exactly to what he had said. She didn't understand why she had done that, not when she could have stood up and killed him right then and there.

Here she stood now, at the gates of the guild she had, most likely, been destined to try and destroy as a dark mage. Kanix was that no more; she had stripped herself of Basilisk Fang's namesake and fled the snowy lands to home. Home was here. Here in Fairy Tail, and she knew that. She just hadn't known how long it would take her to realize that. Maybe it was Heero's little speech to her, or the picture that he had tried showing to her of Famine and his team members. A little picture she never got to see. Why? Because she had been cursed with eyes too injured to ever see again. The mage had promised herself she would secretly think over his offer, even if she would have denied it blatantly out loud. And that promise was kept or she wouldn't be standing here in the grounds of the Fairy Tail lands right now.

Kanix sniffled some and wiped away tears that trickled down the scars of her face, the ones that decorated her eyes with their sightlessness.

"A-are you crying, you pathetic fool?" Kanix whispered hoarsely to herself in a tone that sounded like it was trying to be rude. "Ha ha ha! How heartbreaking! Oh heaven's lord! You're crying because of standing in front of this damned guild?!" Kanix laughed at herself, though it was difficult to tell if she was hysterically laughing or crying from the tears.

"S-shut up! I can cry if I want to because I'm home!" she wailed to the voice, wanting to punch it, but she couldn't. "You tortured me enough back in Basilisk Fang; you've gotten me terrified of Famine all because of her looks at me!" The woman would walk to the doors of the guild and open them as if they were there to greet her eternally.

Fairy Tail's normal hustle and bustle overwhelmed Kanix and sent her into a shock, her body going rigid. Too many feelings and emotions that got to her, and the rush of magic was so powerful, it had simply stunned her. The dark mage would take a shaky step forward, into the guild hall, and as she did so, she could feel all eyes on her. Maybe not all eyes, but people definitely did look at her like she shouldn't have been there or should have stayed waiting outside.

"I decided to take you up on that offer, Heero," Kanix would speak loudly, though it was likely Heero wasn't even around. She trusted that he would hear her though; maybe not around here to greet her, she didn't much care if he did. "I'd like to join Fairy Tail... if you would..." That last part was to the general people around her and not just to the guild master.

CALL OF THEWILD

Kanix would whip around when Leonard spoke from his place behind her; her heart racing from being caught off guard by another mage. She stumbled from the quick movement, as it had left her disoriented, directionless, without being able to see. Once she caught her balance she would stand firmly to stare in the general direction she believed the former guild master was at. However, she hesitated on answering the question, afraid that she wouldn't give him the correct answer he was looking for. Perhaps she had made a mistake? If he planned on judging her actions so harshly as now, this was completely her fault in coming. A step she had thought she had taken to better herself, only to be judged by this mage who thought he was better than her in social status. How hurtful that he would accuse her of such things, but yes, she had remembered the chaos that she had caused.

"Every mage is different... not all legal mages are good and not all dark mages are bad," she would answer Leonard. "You've heard Heero say that mages can redeem themselves if they truly wanted to do such a thing. Are you saying you don't trust me? My name is not out in this world as one to avoid! Every job I've ever done as a dark mage, I've regretted because of the deaths I caused! It's painful to feel when someone's about to die! I'm glad I chose to leave Basilisk Fang sooner than later!" Her free hand was clenched into a fist close to her chest, her teeth gritted in anger to show that she was passionate about her choice. "Do you know what it feels like to feel someone dying? To genuinely feel their life being torn from them? It's... it's... it's like your own soul being ripped out of your body and all you can do is watch!" Kanix huffed, her eyes unblinking before she straightened her posture and looked down to her feet in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry," she would apologize to Leo, "I didn't realize that when I joined a dark guild I would be feeling so many deaths that I caused. I had originally joined a dark guild because I wanted revenge on something... heh... I don't even know why I wanted revenge. All I know is that when I joined Basilisk Fang, it was because I felt violated and wronged, but just couldn't remember why... It was a bad choice, I know... and I didn't realize that until I had first met Famine, and that disdained look she gave me, when I talked, destroyed me. My first thought thereafter was that I would be forced to stay in that guild and work under Famine for the rest of my life. Yes, it had been my choice to attack Raina because I had thought that if I killed one of Fairy Tail's strongest mages, Famine wouldn't look at me like a failure... Then Heero came along, and he showed me that I could change paths if I truly wanted to, that I wasn't forced to stay there!"

This time, a smile would creep upon her face, the extent of her happiness showing through once more to the mage. "He gave me hope! And when Raina and he defended me as if I was their own guild mate, I felt absolutely loved. I haven't felt loved since..." Her voice would trail off at that point, her mind coming to a realization that she had never been loved... She couldn't remember if her parents ever loved her because she couldn't even remember if she had a family from the start. "I've never felt loved..." The words left her lips in a whisper and she would turn away from Leo, just as Zecarayus entered. Her head would turn slightly at the approaching magical presence that her mind recognized as one she met at the festival. Kanix kept herself silent as he walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, then would turn her head away again.

"Hello, Zecarayus... it's a pleasure to meet you again," the blind mage would speak to the man in a soft tone. Her hand would reach up to touch the one of his that was resting on her shoulder, remembering the feeling of his hands. "I still have your jacket, by the way... do you have mine by any chance? I haven't found it back since the day of the festival... I shouldn't have been there, but I was a curious mage at the time and you know how it is with dark mages wanting all the Intel." Kanix giggled a little and dropped her hand from his, shrugging a little in response to what he had asked her. "I'm all right with standing here; I'm certain that he can't be that far away. I know that he can hear me with that magic of his. I certainly need the exercise of standing around! I haven't been doing much, but sitting at the guild hall of Basilisk Fang."

Just as she had said this, Heero made his appearance in a timely manner, and she would turn her attention to him. She flinched when he wiped away the tears from her face; not necessarily enjoying how close his hands had gotten to her. It was a habit she needed to break, a habit that she didn't entirely understand where she had gotten it from. Maybe it was the scars that she didn't like being touched or maybe it was some other reason deep in her mind as to why. Her fingers would gingerly wrap around his wrist to push it away from her face, not entirely trusting his touch. Cloudy gaze steadily staring at the chest of Heero, for that's about where her eye level reached with him being eight inches taller than her. Kanix would let go of his hand and leave hers hanging back to her side, though intently listening to Heero talk.

Kanix would let out a terrified gasp as his hand gripped her forehead, believing that he had deceived her into thinking he meant no harm. She would drop her staff, the wood and bone clattering against the wooden floor, and her hands would fly up to grasp around is wrist. The woman wanted to pull herself away from him, get out of his grasp, scared he was going to do something to her. Then the wind would brush her hair back over her shoulders and shift the bones, that covered her breasts, to the side. Her body swelled with a strange warmth, but she remembered feeling this kind of warmth as Heero's lightning strikes. Lips slightly parted, her brain felt like it was going numb, and a bright, blinding light flooded her eyes. Dropping her hands to her side, she would blink continuously as her eyes adjusted to the burst of vision given to her.

When her eyes finally focused in all the colors, so that she was able to see and make out what was around her, she was stunned into silence. It wasn't the guild that her eyes went to directly, it was Heero that she first looked at; the guild master she didn't think she would ever see. His hair was so blue... it was nearly as bright as the opalescent color of her own blue eyes, which quickly darted over the rest of him.  Her eyebrows knitted together as she concentrated on him for a moment, disbelief showing on her face that she could even see something. She would tear up as he motioned to the rest of the guild and her eyes would follow his movement, taking in what was shown. The only thing that raced through her mind right now was that she could see; she could see every little detail all around her. Amazed by it all, Kanix would quickly turn around in a circle, looking to Zecarayus, then to Leonard, and to all the rest of the mages.

Little children scurried around her, tugged at her loin cloth, or played with the fur of her shin-high moccasins. Her eyes would dart down to them for a second, arms stretched out slightly to keep her balanced as they whirled around her. A smile would grace her lips again for a second time since she had entered the guild hall, even a laugh escaped her lips. A genuine laugh. A laugh that Kanix had never heard herself make before because she had found no reason to laugh at all.


Then she would complete the full circle, met again by Heero, who brashly grabbed her right breast to stamp her tattoo on. When it came to getting her tattoo placed on her body, she had wanted it where Basilisk Fang's previously was. To show that she had conquered the bad with good because this tattoo would be permanent for the youthful mage. The brashness of Heero made her blush though as he groped her boob, simply to stamp the tattoo onto her. However, the action quickly left her mind as the guild master was given a full body mirror and held it in front of him. With that reflection look back at her, Kanix would stare at it for a really long time without saying anything at all. She would lift a hand and gently touch up against the mirror, her other hand covering her mouth as she began to cry.

"Th-that's me? That's what I look like?" Kanix would speak through her hand, pressing her palm up against the mirror. "I..." She couldn't find the words to say, all she could do was stare at her own reflection, tears spilling over her hand. Finally, her gaze would return to Heero; she really wanted to hug him, to thank him for this chance, but she didn't find it appropriate to embrace a guild master. That feeling didn't last for long as the devastation began with black dots clouding over what she was able to see. She wanted to scream out for it to stop, but she knew that her sight was only temporary, that she couldn't permanently have it back. Those slave traders had taken it from her as a consequence for fighting back at them, from trying to stop them from raping her. Clearly, they had won that fight, and so, she let her vision give way back to the darkness that she knew all too well.