The Past That Haunts Us

“Come on, old man..!”

A lot of things had changed over the last few months. To say that Saffron’s life had been eventful was putting it mildly, though much of her recent drama was more second hand than directly her own. It had been close to half a year since she and Senna had confronted their “father” – who had not denied the heinous acts he’d been accused of. Saffron did her best not to think of him at this point. In truth, she really didn’t know what to do with Mitchel. As much as she wanted to write him off and cut him out of her life for good – and she really, truly wanted to – something about it all still didn’t really sit right with her. The facts were there, but it still felt like she was missing a part of the puzzle.

Unfortunately, her more rational side was more often than not drowned out by her anger over the knowledge that he had kidnapped both of the girls and stolen them away from their home, and their real parents. Mitchel had raised them well enough, sure. They’d never lacked for love. But the truth of what had happened had tainted those memories, and like many other things in her life she was still sorting through how she felt about it and what she wanted to do. Senna had yet to take the time to go meet their parents herself, mostly because she was too focused on school, but her summer break was quickly approaching and the younger sibling had recently expressed that she was ready to do so whenever the opportunity arose. And of course Katla and Viggo were all too eager to oblige.

If only that had been the sole source of tension in her life.

Xavier was still firmly in jail, his trail having come and gone. He’d revealed some shocking things, and while there was a plan in place to get more information from him eventually, no action had been taken yet. Saffron had done a fabulous job convincing herself that she was happy enough to leave her former lover to sit in jail with the misery and loneliness that he’d created, the truth of her conflicting feelings only showing its ugly face in the dark solitude of night when she was left alone with her thoughts for far too long. The blonde wanted answers as much as the rest of her friends did, and she intended on being present to get them, even if it meant having to interact with the disgraced Rhaegarian one more time. Then she could leave Xavier in her past once and for all.

The latest spectacle, of course, had been Vandrad’s successful attempt at circumventing the normal requirements of the Ark to steal a rather large portion of Faera’s power. It had been frustrating to watch at best, harrowing at worst, but the king had come out victorious on the other side and in the process Ruman and Izrael had done a rather adept job at proving their loyalty to Mythal and to their desire to prevent Faera from causing further destruction. Once he’d recovered, Saffron had been more excited, of course. Her mentor had displayed an awesome new power, and she was eager to see what changes Ryori had planned for training now that the king had something more definitive to work with.

Naturally, she and Vandrad both were beyond exasperated to learn that the primary focus of her training was still focused on meditation more than anything else. Saffron had to admit that it was helping. She had never felt so in tune with her magic, and she felt like she was making real progress on being able to listen to the Weave more consistently, which in turn was heightening her magical capabilities. But meditation was just so insufferably boring. Saffron earnestly hated every moment of it, and she knew that Vandrad wasn’t thrilled about it either. And that wasn’t even mentioning Cedric, who so far was showing the least amount of progress. He was gaining more control over his magic, certainly, but so far he had yet to establish any connection with the Weave and while he didn’t say as much, Saffron knew it frustrated him.

The process of meditation didn’t really have the same sense of satisfaction that they had gotten used to with their more traditional training, so Saffron and Vandrad had gotten into the habit of still working out on their own outside of their sessions with Ryori and Victoria. Currently, the pair was making use of the training room in the guild, the pair engaged in a friendly spar at low power so they wouldn’t destroy the place by accident. Saffron was garbed in a simple workout outfit of comfortable leggings and a sports bra, her feet shuffling rhythmically against the padded floor as she kept herself moving. She’d just landed a successful series of blows against him, and in her typical fashion had chosen to tease him. “Is that all you got for me? I think all that meditation and sitting your ass in that throne is making you rusty.” She flashed him a cheeky grin.

Saffron’s grin widened, as it always did when Vandrad sank to her level and engaged in a little banter. She thrived off a certain degree of playfulness, and while Vandrad wasn’t what she would ever refer to as a playful individual, he was more than capable of letting his guard down and having fun with those with whom he was comfortable. Especially during a spar or fight.

Before she could even get a retort in he was off, zipping toward her to unleash his own combination of attacks. She quickly moved to intercept the blows, using her arms to block as much as possible rather than maneuvering herself to evade. With each strike, she could feel the kinetic energy seep into her body, where it turned into fuel for her own power – not that she was gaining much at the moment. They weren’t exactly going all out against each other at the moment. Or so she thought, at least. The briefest flicker of slider in his eyes was all she saw before he was suddenly gone.

It was only her recent training in the Weave that she managed to at least turn to find him, a gentle tugging on her mind, almost, to tell her exactly where the king would wind up. Perhaps it wasn’t fast enough to land an attack before he finished re-materializing, but it would have at least been enough to give her a passing shot at staying on the defensive. There was a momentary pause as he gave her a friendly taunt once more, and the smirk on her face deepened. “Your funeral, old man,” the blonde jabbed back as she sank down a hair, ready to spring into action even as she began to funnel some of her stored energy into her body.

”Saffron, there’s a visitor in the hall asking for you.”

The sound of the voice on the intercom threw her out of her focus with such surprise that she almost tripped, the speakers loud and clear enough to be heard over the music that Saffron usually listened to when she was working out. Since she was with Vandrad, rather than lifting weights, the music wasn’t on at all so the sound of the receptionist’s voice was a fair degree louder than it needed to be. The blonde frowned up at the panel on the wall in a mixture of annoyance and confusion. “A visitor?” That was weird. She wasn’t expecting anyone.

”Yeah, she didn’t give me her name but she was looking for help with something. I assume she’s got a job offer for you.”

Saffron supposed that wasn’t too far fetched. She’d never become a rising star or anything like that, but between the modeling she did for the magazine and her brief time with Delinquent Ward, her name had certainly managed to float around. It wouldn’t be the first time her past connections had gotten her an offer for some mage work, though it would be the first time someone had specifically sought her out at the Fairy Tail guild hall.

But why was she suddenly feeling the slightest sense of foreboding?

“Alright, tell her I’ll be there in a minute.” Guild work was, after all, one of the few things that would come before training. “Guess you’re getting off easy, this time.” Attempting to cover up her inexplicable nerves with humor, she shot Vandrad a cheeky grin before moving to grab her water bottle and a towel. The Boscan quickly wiped off the little bit of sweat she’d built up, tossing the towel in the receptacle meant for collecting such dirtied rags.

Presuming he elected to head out with her, rather than stay in the training room to keep working on his own, she’d make her way out into the adjoining corridor that lead toward the front hall, sipping her water along the way. It didn’t take long to step out into the large room, which was in about the same state as it ever was: bustling with the activity of the guild’s rowdy members as they ate, drank, and otherwise socialized around the many tables that filled the space. She paused just inside the room, her gaze scanning for anyone out of the ordinary that looked as though they were waiting for her arrival.

The moment she saw her, Saffron’s eyes turned a dark orange color and she visibly paled. To Vandrad’s empathic abilities, there would be no mistaking the trepidation and anxiety that had just overcome his student. “Oh no…” Sitting alone at one of the tables in the middle of the room was a woman with long, bright red hair. Two short horns like those of a bull or a ram protruded from either side of her forehead through the crimson locks. Her skin was fair, but her eyes were covered by a white mask that sported red embellishments on it. Despite her obvious Joyan heritage, she sported Midian inspired black and red clothing.

Every instinct within her screamed to turn tail back into the depths of the guild and hide. Saffron was hardly prone to cowardice, but this was a rare exception that she would happily make. Unfortunately, before she could follow through with it Adamina’s head lifted in their direction. Though her ex’s eyes were covered, there was a shifting in her body language that was more than enough to tell Saffron that she’d already been spotted. The Joyan made no move to stand up and approach, merely waiting and – presumably – giving Saffron a moment to adjust and join her on her own terms.

“It’s Addy,” she told Vandrad quietly. This was the last thing Saffron needed right now. She felt like she was frozen in place, rooted to the floor. A million thoughts were running through her head, nearly all of them demanding that she walk away and request to have the woman removed without even bothering to ascertain her reason for being there. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t solve the problem. Saffron knew all too well how persistent her ex could be, and if Saffron didn’t take the time to at least hear her out now, Adamina would just find her again somewhere outside the guild where the blonde would be at a much bigger disadvantage. She didn’t even have the protection of the restraining order, not outside of Bosco.

With a resigned sigh, she collected herself and begrudgingly approached the table. Saffron didn’t bother asking Vandrad to come with her; the confirmation of the visitor’s identity would be more than enough to know that the king would insist on being present for the interaction, knowing the Joyan’s history of abuse toward his friend and pupil. By the time they got next to the table, Saffron’s eyes had returned to their normal shade and she crossed her arms over her chest. “What the hell are you doing here?” she asked, her tone not hostile but not exactly friendly, either.

The slightest shifting of Addy’s face in Vandrad’s direction was all there was to indicate her observance of his presence, studying him quietly and presumably trying to determine if he was there to enforce a swift exit or not. She seemed nervous, though she had seemed that way even before the pair had gotten close, her body hunched in on itself slightly as though she were trying not to draw too much attention to herself. After a brief moment, she turned her attention back to Saffron. “I’m sorry, Saff. I… I know I’m the last person you probably want to see right now…”

“You can’t be here.”

The Joyan’s shoulders drooped a bit. “The restraining order, I know. I don’t mean to intrude. If I had any other choice, I wouldn’t have…” She hung her head sadly, shaking it softly to and fro. “I just… Didn’t know where else to go.”

It was going to take a lot more than that. “What do you want, Addy? Get to the point.” Saffron was only going to entertain so much of this interaction. If her ex had a legitimate reason for hunting her down outside of Bosco, she had damn well better make it clear fast before the Fairy Tail mage changed her mind.

“Father found me.”

Saffron’s reaction was visceral, as though she’d been punched in the gut. Her eyes went wide and the sense of worry renewed within her, though this time over something completely different. “What?” She uncrossed her arms, looking down at Addy with very real concern. “When? How?”

“Last week. I was working at the tea shop, and I just happened to look up… Brother Damien was there, standing across the street. He was looking at me through the window. He- he just watched me for a moment and then walked away, but I know it was him. I don’t know how they found me, but they did. I panicked. Excused myself to the bathroom and just… fled. I’ve been on the run since Tuesday.”

There was a long silence… and then Saffron sank into the bench on the other side of the table from Addy, slumping forward wearily with her head in her hands. “Damnit…”

There was possibly only one, singular topic that could have convinced Saffron to stay her hand when it came to her ex. One problem, one situation, in which she would set aside their history with one another to hear the woman out. While the blonde would certainly never excuse the way that Addy had treated her in the past, she did know where those bad behaviors came from, knew the path that had led her one-time girlfriend to the flawed and complicated woman she was today. And most importantly, she knew how important it was that Adamina’s past stay in the rearview mirror. So when the Joyan revealed what had happened to her, it was all Saffron needed to set her temper aside for the time being. This was not good.

But of course, Vandrad knew little about Addy upbringing, nor did he care – and given the circumstances, Saffron couldn’t blame him. She could have done without him jumping down her ex’s throat at that moment, but she hardly had the heart to chastise him over it. He wanted answers, a valid reason for entertaining Addy’s presence in the guild hall, and he left no mystery as to his knowledge of the women’s sordid history. Used to his gruff ways, the blonde didn’t so much as groan or sigh at his sharp, if collected, demand. It barely registered to her.

Addy’s attention, on the other hand, swiveled slowly right back up to the man. Short as he was, he currently stood above her given that she was seated, and though her eyes were veiled there was no mistaking the air of tension around her – shock and anger in equal form at his bluntness over something that, as far as she was likely concerned, was none of his business.

But it didn’t take long for it to all melt into resignation, her posture relaxing in acceptance. When she spoke again, her tone was understanding. “You must be Vandrad, then. The teacher that Saffron told me about.” The blonde winced in her seat and shifted uncomfortably, guiltily even. She hadn’t exactly told Vandrad or Cedric – anyone, really – that she’d seen Adamina during her last trip to Bosco a couple months ago. She could only imagine how unhappy he would be to learn about that particular omission.

A problem for future Saffron.

The Joyan lowered her gaze to where her hands were clasped softly on the table. “If you know the things I did, then I can’t blame you for seeing me that way. I don’t want to impose on her or anyone else in her life. She’s suffered enough from my mistakes and my… misguided affection. But the truth is that I need help, and Saffron… she’s the only one who knows anything about this.” Her face shifted upward hesitantly toward the blonde across the table from her.

“It’s fine, Addy. You can trust him.”

At first, Addy didn’t do or say anything, clearly uncertain about opening up to a stranger, and an unfriendly one at that. Finally, she spoke. “I was raised in a cult that my parents joined shortly before I was born. They were struggling and looking for answers and purpose… which is prime real estate for just about any cult. Father Jericho preached about peace and acceptance, spun a picture of a church whose members treated each other as family and worshiped mother nature as the provider of all earthly needs.”

She scoffed, shaking her head. “All bullshit, of course. The only thing the church truly worshiped was their greed. They lure you in with the promise of acceptance and answers about the greater meaning of life, but in order to achieve enlightenment you have to reach a certain level of loyalty. By the time I was old enough to start seeing the cracks, my parents had already sold all their possessions of any value and donated it to the church, and had become reliant on Father Jericho and the congregation to provide for them, and for me. And no matter how high up the ranks they climbed, they were never entrusted with any real answers.”

“Father Jericho preyed on their fears and their dependency. He controlled every aspect of their lives. When they ran out of money, they continued to buy favor with servitude. He even convinced them both that it was his divine right – and their blessed duty – to give of themselves completely to him, even their… bodies.” She tensed for a moment at the obvious implication that she hoped would not need further explanation. Then, quietly: “...Even their young daughter.”

Saffron didn’t interrupt, only watched her ex explain the history in silent understanding – though her eyes flashed red in anger at the story she’d heard a couple times prior to this that made her no less infuriated to hear each time. Adamina continued. “I grew up believing I was the property of the church, and of Father specifically. And for a long time, I didn’t see anything wrong with that. I cherished it, even. But when he convinced my parents that the final and truest form of enlightenment was to shed the mortal coil… I finally started to question everything. After their suicides, I ran away and fled to Bosco for asylum. Shortly after that was when I met Saffron.”

Addy turned her face up to Vandrad once more. “I’m not ignorant to the parallels in the way I was treated and… the ways I treated Saffron. I’ve been trying to unlearn a lot of behaviors, and doing what I can to take responsibility for my choices. It… hasn’t been easy, and I can admit I still struggle with it, but I’m trying. I’ve been seeing a therapist, attending support groups… stayed away from dating. I can’t…’ Her voice cracked slightly and she bit back the emotional response, doing her best to keep herself reigned in. “I can’t go back to that life. As far as Father is concerned, I belong to him. I was hoping after all this time that he’d let me go, but when I saw Brother Damien… I know now that he won’t rest until he’s brought me back home. And I’m sure he has all sorts of plans to help me ‘atone’ for my sin of leaving.”

“I need help, and I need protection.” Her attention shifted back to Saffron. “And I’m sorry to put this on you. Gods know I don’t want to be any more of a burden to you than I’ve already been, but I didn’t know who else to turn to. You’re the only person I ever felt safe talking to about any of this, the only one who understands where I came from. The only one I trust, even if I’ve given you far too many reasons not to trust me. And the whole time I was fleeing from Bosco, the only thing I could think about was what you told me about your guild life here, and how people hire you to help with anything they need. I just… I don’t know, I guess it’s stupidly presumptuous of me… I just thought… hoped… you could help me.”

There was a palpable silence as Adamina finished her story, both women waiting to see what Vandrad would say. In all honesty, Saffron was sure that the gruff man would tell her ex to shove it and find someone else to help her. The blonde certainly wouldn’t have blamed him. Even on the best of days, Vandrad was never the type to accept excuses, nor to overlook the patterns in a person’s history. That went double for the people in his life that he actually cared about, of whom Saffron was one.

But he must have sensed some degree of honesty in the woman, as a brief moment of silence was brought to an end with an explanation about how the process of hiring a guild member for work went. There wasn’t necessarily any kindness in his tone, but at the very least he had seemed to accept that Addy was genuinely asking for help and was caught in a situation that was out of her control. Saffron winced again slightly as he touched on the knowledge that the two women had obviously been in contact recently, but he thankfully didn’t linger on the subject… if only because he was probably planning on confronting her about it in private. He merely insisted that if she chose to accept the work, he would be assisting her, ideally with the help of a third party as well.

“No one from the guild, at least,” she remarked toward his last comment. Fairy Tail was full of members that were more than competent, but there were few she could think of that she trusted enough with something this sensitive and personal. “But I do agree about the approach. If I agree to this – and I’m not agreeing just yet – it wouldn’t be a situation where I’m playing your personal bodyguard twenty-four seven. The aim would be to root out the people who are after you and take them out directly.”

Addy nodded. “That’s more in-line with what I was looking for, anyway. Asking you to shadow me day and night would be audacious in a way that I would never presume to expect… and at the end of the day, it’s a stop gap, not a solution.”

After a moment, Saffron sighed and leaned her head forward to rub her temples. “Remind me of the details of these guys. It’s been a while. They called themselves some kind of disciples, right?”

“Yes, Saturnalia’s Disciples. I don’t know as much as I’d like… Like I said, the cult is very tight-lipped with its secrets, even to its members. If I remember correctly, it’s a Sinnite religion. I’d assume they have a primary church location there, somewhere. I was a member of a chapterhouse that was based in Joya. Up until now I had assumed, and hoped, that the chapter house had been wiped out with the rest of the country after the attack during the peace summit. So either the congregation survived the attack, or they had already moved out of the area before then. The Disciples weren’t exactly popular with a lot of Joyans, so it’s possible they were driven out sometime after I left.”

“And Jericho was just the head of your chapter, right? Not the head of the whole church?”

“Correct, though I think he is one of their highest ranking priests. Maybe. I don’t know for sure. I was pretty young at the time, and not exactly in a position to really understand everything I witnessed or heard about. Brother Damien was his right hand, and the primary enforcer of Father Jericho’s will.”

The blonde was silent in thought for several beats before she glanced up, locking her gaze on Addy. “Listen, Addy. I understand how important this is, and I believe that something needs to be done. I’d love nothing more than to be a part of wiping those assholes off the face of the earth, not just for your sake but also for the sakes of all the other people I’m sure they’ve hurt. But with everything that happened between us… this is a really big ask. This isn’t something I can just walk away and go handle. It’s going to mean having to work with you for an indefinite amount of time, and I just… I don’t know that I’m ready for that. I need to think about it. I can’t promise I’ll help… but I can promise I will think about it. Alright?”

“I understand. That’s all I can ask, even if I wish I didn’t have to. Take all the time you need. And… thank you.”

“Do you have a place to stay?”

The woman shook her head lightly. “No. I don’t exactly have any money or anything. I didn’t grab anything before I left Bosco, just left with whatever I already had on me at the time, which isn’t much. I’ve been roughing it outdoors, for the most part. But I’ll figure something out,” she insisted firmly. “That’s not your problem. I’ll find a place in town that is willing to work something out with me – or in another town, if you don’t want me to stay here in Magnolia. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Saffron considered her briefly before leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms. “It’s alright. I have some contacts. Maybe the Rune Knights have a safehouse nearby that you can use for now. I’ll check with Seri and Mythal.” The last comment was more toward Vandrad than Addy. Seeing as how her mentor was insisting on being part of the situation, or at least as far as Saffron herself was willing to partake, it only made sense to make sure they were on the same page.

Though her eyes were covered, there was a slight tilting to Addy’s head that betrayed her confusion, as though trying to piece together why those names sounded familiar. “You don’t mean the Gods of Ishgar that run the Rune Knights…?”

“Yeah, that’s them.”

The redhead was obviously a bit stunned. “Those are some contacts to have, that’s for sure…” She sounded impressed, but there was also some apprehension in her voice.

Saffron frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. Or at least, probably nothing. I’m sure they’re fine and trustworthy, just… I know they are very wealthy, influential political figures. The congregation is saturated with members of high pedigree… rich and powerful people that buy into the church’s gospel because they think they can buy purpose and enlightenment. You’d be surprised how many Joyan politicians and celebrities were part of my chapter. I can’t imagine it’s much different with the other houses…”

It made sense. Cults like this one were dens of greed and corruption, so it wasn’t a shock to imply that members of Fiore’s own government were involved with the church somewhere. Still… “Well, you don’t need to worry about Serilda and Mythal. Trust me, they’re not like that. They’re good people, and would probably be very interested in contributing to shutting these guys down. And they know how to be discreet, so if there are members of the Disciples in Fioren government anywhere, they won’t hear about you from them.”

That seemed to be encouragement enough, as Addy visibly relaxed. “Okay. I’ll trust your judgment on it.”

The blonde gave a brief nod of acknowledgement. “I’ll go see what I can find out. When was the last time you ate something?”

“Uh… I found some wild berries and mushrooms in the forest I passed through yesterday afternoon,” she admitted, somewhat sheepishly.

“I’ll have someone bring you some food. You’ll be safe enough here for now. We’ll be back in a bit.”

“Okay. Thank you, Saff. And… you too, Vandrad. I appreciate your consideration.”

Rising from her seat, she made her way over to the front desk to ask for a meal to be brought to Addy before leading the way back into the confines of the guild. When the door to the hall shut behind them, and she and Vandrad were in relative privacy with one another, Saffron stopped and groaned wearily to herself as she attempted to decompress. “Alright. Let’s just rip off the damn band aid and get this over with,” she told him with resignation, certain that he had an opinion to give. Or at the very least, questions.

Gods, he may as well have simply said, “I’m not mad, just disappointed.”

Vandrad clearly wasn’t pleased to learn that she had reconnected with her ex, but his bigger concern was how Cedric was going to react to knowing Addy was in town. He was right, of course. Cedric wasn’t going to be happy about this at all. He was extremely protective of her after all the things they’d gone through together, especially with everything that had happened between Xavier and her family problems. “Yeah, keeping him out of it is certainly going to be a chore,” Saffron agreed wearily. “I can’t say I wouldn’t accept his help if he offered it. He does have a knack for this kind of thing. But if I decide to help her, I’d probably have to keep them apart – for everyone’s sakes.”

At this point, Saffron was honestly doing her best not to pout about the situation. She was already exhausted just thinking about it. When Vandrad asked her why she’d hid the meetup, the blonde could only sigh and rub her temple. “Because I didn’t think it was worth sharing. It wasn’t exactly planned.”

Crossing her arms, she leaned back against the wall behind her. “It was after Senna and I met up to confront my dad. Mitchel – whatever the fuck I’m supposed to call him now.” Referring to the man that had kidnapped her and her sister as her “father” felt wrong, but it was a habit she was having a hard time breaking, mostly because her feelings about it were still complicated. “Senna and I were both upset and needed space. She went back to school, and I just sort of drove off in a rage. I wound up at a spot at a park where I always used to go to clear my head in the past, and that’s where Addy found me. She’d seen me on the road and recognized that I was upset, and decided to look for me there.”

“I know I should have told her to shove off, but I just… I was spiraling. Badly. For all her faults and all our stupid history, she knows when I shouldn’t be alone – and she did offer several times to leave, or to call someone else to come collect me. She didn’t force her presence on me or anything. But I didn’t really have anyone else around that I could turn to. Senna needed to be alone for a while, and I certainly wasn’t going to go back home to Mitchel. You and Mercury were neck deep in dealing with the fallout from Xavier and all the political build up for establishing New Rhaegar, and Cedric…”

Her voice trailed off for a moment. Finally, she shook her head sadly. “I couldn’t bring myself to call him, not after everything he’s already put up with from me lately. I know he doesn’t see it that way, but… It’s not fair to him. We both know how we feel about each other. He’s my friend, but I can’t see him as just a friend anymore.. And it feels wrong to keep relying on him to hold my head above the water when I’m still trying to catch my breath from the guy I stupidly chose over him.”

She was still reeling from Xavier, still piecing her heart back together and honestly doing her damndest not to sink back behind the heavily guarded walls she’d once retreated into after what had happened with Adamina. Saffron had really cared deeply for Xavier, just as much as she cared for Cedric, and despite her spoken desire to keep the imprisoned Rhaegarian out of her life after what he’d done, it didn’t take an empath to recognize that her feelings for Xavier weren’t just going to disappear because she’d gotten hurt. The damage had already been done; he’d already wormed his way into her heart, and a part of him was always going to be there, whether she wished for it or not. It made her relationship with Cedric all the more confusing and complicated, which she hadn’t opened up to anyone about until just now.

“So, yeah… I let her take me out for a coffee. That was it. Just long enough for me to cool down, maybe an hour at most of polite and distant conversation, after which we parted ways and I haven’t heard from her since. I didn’t tell anyone because it didn’t seem worth getting everyone worried over when nothing happened. She was very respectful, even when I made it clear that I wasn’t interested in repairing a friendship or seeing her again.”

Saffron was silent for a beat or two before the weight of everything finally hit her in full. She slid slowly down the wall until she was sitting on the ground, her knees tucked loosely up to her chest. “Really fucked this one up, didn’t I?” she asked with a dry, humorless scoff, more to herself than to Vandrad.

Vandrad at least conceded that Cedric could be useful toward the mission, even if they both agreed that letting him get fully involved was probably a bad idea. Not that Saffron planned on asking unless absolutely necessary. If Cedric offered that would be one thing, but she wasn’t about to ask him to stick his neck out for Addy. As Vandrad insinuated, he was far more likely to treat Saffron’s ex the same as – if not worse – to how he’d treated Xavier.

Thankfully, the king seemed to understand why the prior interaction with Adamina had gone down the way it had, and why Saffron had allowed herself to spend time with the woman. She’d been there when the blonde had needed someone, and as much as she would have preferred to keep Addy at a distance, there was no denying that a part of her would always find comfort in her ex. They’d just been together for too long, and had cared for one another too deeply, even if it was dangerously misguided and manipulative on Addy’s part. Her mentor even shared Saffron’s view that she had to be careful not to lean too heavily on Cedric.

But she still needed to speak with the man about what was going on, and probably admit to what had happened in Bosco. Saffron lifted her head to look at Vandrad as he gave a parting remark about his and Mercury’s willingness to always make time for her when she needed it. She didn’t say anything… but after a moment of consideration, she gave him a grateful nod. Neither of them were prone toward deep, emotional conversation, so she knew the acknowledgement was all he would need to feel content about the discussion.

Once he was out of sight, she sighed and rested her head against the wall with a gentle thump. A handful of self-pitying thoughts blew through her mind without much substance before she pulled her phone out from a pocket and dialed one of the numbers in her contact list. “Hey, Mythal. Sorry to bother you. Something’s come up, and I have a kind of big favor I need to ask of you and Seri if it’s not too much trouble…”

---

A few hours later, she found herself pulling her bike up to Old Town Square in Crocus where Cedric lived. It had taken a little time for Mythal to get back to her, but he’d managed to find a place for Addy to stay for the time being. Saffron helped her ex get the keys from the local Rune Knight outpost and, after a few stops to get her some food and clean clothes, she’d helped the woman get situated in her temporary home. She’d sent a message to Cedric almost immediately after her phone call with Mythal to ask if he’d be free to meet up later, only telling him that something had happened that she wanted to talk to him about – and making sure to assure him that it wasn’t an emergency.

Parking her bike along the sidewalk in front of the building, she made her way into the foyer, glancing idly through the window into Cillian’s restaurant as she waited for the elevator to open. The bistro was as busy as ever. The necromancer was practically a culinary celebrity at this point. The ding of the elevator car pulled her attention away and she rode it up to the level where Cedric’s place was. “It’s Saff,” she announced after a brief knock on the door, waiting for him to either open it or invite her inside.

“Hey.” Despite everything, she couldn’t help but smile when she saw him. He’d surely be able to tell that she wasn’t as boisterous as usual, but for all her talk that she knew she shouldn’t rely on him entirely for support, there was no denying that being in his presence made her happy and put her at ease. “Sorry for the last-minute meet up. Something came up earlier today and I figured you’d want to hear about it. Not exactly phone-call material.”

Presuming he could read that she didn’t intend on delaying the subject with pleasantries, the two of them made their way to the living area where she took a seat on one side of the couch, facing him. “Before I get into this, I just… I need to ask you to try not to freak out. You’re not going to like this any more than I am… and quite possibly aren’t going to be very happy with me, either.” Saffron haggardly wiped her face, doing her best to keep her apprehension at bay. With a deep, steadying breath, she looked up at him. “Addy showed up at Fairy Tail today.”

The blonde gave him a moment to process the profound statement, and to react however he felt the need to, then continued. “Before you jump to any conclusions: it’s not what you think. Or at least, I don’t think it is. I know I didn’t really tell you much about her aside from my personal history with her. She grew up in a cult – a bad one. She was abused heavily, and only managed to escape after her parents lost their lives. Bosco took her in as a protected refugee, and it wasn’t long after that when I met her.”

“Unfortunately, it seems that some members of the cult managed to track her down, and they are trying to drag her back. She’s asked me, as a hireable guild mage, to help stop them. And as far as Vandrad or I can tell, she’s being sincere.” Saffron stopped there for now, not wanting to overwhelm him with too much upsetting information too quickly. It wasn’t the nitty gritty of the situation, and she presumed he’d have some questions, concerns, and more than a few ornery statements toward her ex, but at the very least it was a concise, if over-simplified, explanation of the situation Saffron had found herself in.

A loud snort loosed itself dryly from Saffron’s nostrils. “Mercury making a line out of her clones doesn’t count,” she retorted, amused.

It was the only jovial moment they’d have before they both found themselves sitting on the couch. The blonde regaled him with the events of the day, and Cedric was taking the news about as unhappily as she’d expected him to. She could see him having to physically rein himself in, his body tense from the effort, and it took him a moment to gather enough of his thoughts to speak.

“I haven’t really decided yet.” Saffron knew he wouldn’t be thrilled to hear that she was considering it, but she wasn’t about to lie to him. She was quiet in thought for a long beat. “It’s not as easy of a decision as I’d like it to be. You’d think it would be, after everything that happened between us. The truth of her childhood doesn’t justify the way she behaved when she and I were dating, but… I can’t exactly pin the entire blame on her, either, y’know? She was groomed nearly her entire life. By all rights, she never should have developed enough individuality and sense to make it out of that church at all – but she did. Having to learn how to adjust to a life of freedom, of making her own decisions after having every part of her life controlled, opening herself up to anyone after she’d been hurt by each and every person she’d ever known before then… Honestly, I’d be fucked up and broken, too.”

It wasn’t that Saffron was absolving any responsibility from Addy, but it would be foolish to overlook the responsibility from those that had set the woman’s course. In different circumstances, the Joyan could have been a selfless and better adjusted woman, but her ability to mature into a healthy adult had been stunted from the start. Saffron couldn’t say with any amount of confidence that she wouldn’t have become just as bad – if not worse – if their childhoods had been reversed. “I don’t want to be her friend again, or have her back in my life… but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about what happens to her. It doesn’t mean I want her to get dragged back to her own abusers, and the life that she fought to escape. She was a big part of my world for years, and as fucked as our relationship was, I was in love with her, once.”

“It wasn’t the abuse that made it so hard for me to move on. If all she had ever been was abusive to me, picking up my life without a second thought would have been a breeze. It was the good times I had with her, the beauty that broke through the injured parts of her soul, that made it so hard for me to walk away. That made it hard for me to get over my own damage with her. I know I’ve only ever talked about the things she did that drove me away, but that wasn’t all there was to her. She was passionate, and thoughtful. She volunteered at shelters for the less fortunate, and always went out of her way to make time for drifters and other people that were often overlooked or looked down on by society, to regard them with humanity when everyone else would act like they didn’t even exist. She was funny, and when she smiled you could almost see the weight of the journey she’d walked, and how much she’d overcome to reach a place where she could feel any happiness at all…”

The blonde shook her head softly. “No, it wasn’t the pain she caused me that had me hung up and guarded for long. Walking away from someone you don’t care about is easy. Walking away from someone you still love? That’s much… much harder.” Saffron didn’t love Addy anymore, of course. Or at least, not in the same way she once had. But a part of her would always care for the other woman, if from a distance. “I don’t want her to get hurt. I want her to be happy. I want her to have the chance to overcome her demons and find peace.”

“And I can’t help but think, too, about all the others out there that the church is hurting to this day. From everything I know, it’s almost unheard of for members of the cult to ever break away. How many other children are there right now, being abused and groomed and used? How many people that have long since seen the truth of the cult’s corruption, but can’t leave because they’ve become totally reliant on the church for survival? Or because their loved ones are being used as insurance for obedience? If anyone else had come to me with this request, I would have signed on in a heartbeat. Should it make any difference that the request comes from Addy?”

It was a genuine question, one that she was still trying to wrestle up an answer to. She didn’t expect Cedric to encourage her to accept the job, of course, or to really have any answers at all for her – but her inner conflict over the situation was plain. There were a lot of confusing and conflicting emotions and thoughts swimming in her brain, and if she wanted to have any hope of making the right decision, she needed to get them out of her head.

In her heart, she knew the truth. As much as Saffron wanted to protest taking on the job, if only because she wanted to keep her distance from Addy, she knew that her resistance was the stubborn denial of a dying flame. Or perhaps she just needed the chance to get her thoughts and feelings out of her head to realize that she was already leaning heavily in one direction, for better or worse – something that Cedric seemed to recognize as well. His temperament softened, the blonde surprised to hear him not just state his understanding of her position on the matter but also agreeing with it. She did her best not to look up at him as though her heart was doing somersaults in his direction, the man once again proving himself to be everything she needed in her life and more.

It was a good thing the emotional moment was brought to a screeching halt by his final comment.

She sighed in quiet resignation. “Yeah, about that… Remember a few minutes ago when I said that you probably weren’t gonna be very happy with me? I may have sort of… run into her when I was in Bosco a couple months ago…” With all the guilty countenance of a toddler getting caught trying to flush the evidence of a misdeed down the toilet, Saffron once again recounted her encounter with Addy. As she had done with Vandrad, she kept it relatively basic and summarized as, in her eyes, there really wasn’t much to tell seeing as  how nothing really happened outside of Addy helping Saffron calm down and the two of them sharing polite conversation over coffee for a relatively brief span of time.

But she knew that she owed Cedric a little more than just a short explanation. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” the blonde said, earnest in her remorse. “The only reason I didn’t tell anyone is because I didn’t want any of you to worry, or to read anything into it. At the time it just didn’t feel like a big deal. And if I’m being honest, I still don’t really think it is one. Or at the very least, I don’t think it has anything to do with Addy showing up at Fairy Tail. If she was going to come out here to harass me, she’s had plenty of time and chances to do it before now. We do get Sorcerer’s Weekly out in Bosco, and it’s not like the location of Fairy Tail is a secret. So, it would have been really easy for her to track me down much sooner than this.”

“What I do think is a big deal, though, is that I kept it from you.” Saffron looked up at him with an apologetic expression. “Believe me when I say that I wanted nothing more in that moment than to call you and ask for your help, rather than spend that time with her. And I know that you would have happily dropped everything to be there for me when I needed someone, but… as stupid as it sounds, that’s the reason I didn’t.”

He was going to need more context than that, she knew. Her gaze glanced away again as she visibly searched for the right words to explain herself. “Cedric.. I really care for you. A lot. Definitely more than I thought I would when we first met. And, I know you feel the same way about me.” It was hardly a new topic of conversation. They’d had their heart to heart long ago after their second fight with Seberg, when Cedric should have died. When they both should have died. There was no confusion about the way things stood between them.

Right when most people would have sensed a “but” coming in the conversation, Saffron continued. “You’ve been by my side through every shit storm that has cropped up in my life the last year or so. I don’t ever want you to think that I don’t appreciate your encouragement or support, or to feel like I don’t trust you. You’re one of the few people in my life that I do trust completely, and when something bad happens, my first – and strongest – inclination is to run straight to you.”

“I’m just afraid. After everything that happened with Xavier, I just…” Her voice trailed off and she shook her head sadly. “I know you’re not the jealous type, and you insisted time and again that it doesn’t bother you that I chose to pursue Xavier, back before I knew the truth about him… but it does bother me. I know I didn’t know any better, and that I didn’t have all the facts but… I regret trying to move things forward with him and not with you. It bothers me almost every day. Fucking hindsight…”

“But it’s too late to change what happened, and now a part of me feels guilty every time I run to you, because it feels like… like I’m taking advantage of your feelings for me. And just like I didn’t want to treat Xavier like a placeholder for my feelings for you… I don’t want to treat you like a rebound. I care for you more than that.” Saffron looked up at him again, doing her best to convey her sincerity. “You deserve better than that. It’s the only reason I’ve distanced myself from you a little, because I know I’m incapable of separating my own feelings for you from my friendship with you, and I’m afraid of putting myself in a position where I might be using you.”

“And until I know that I can stand on my own two feet again without the fear of using you as a crutch, there are going to be times where I choose to reach out to someone else for help. Addy probably wasn’t the wisest choice, but… I can’t undo that, now. All I can do is explain why I did what I did, and hope that you don’t feel like I’m trying to cut you out of my life or diminish your importance to me. And when she showed up today… well, I realized my run in with her was going to come up sooner or later. I’d rather you hear it straight from me.”

“So, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it, and I’m sorry if hearing about it now hurts you in any way. If you’re upset with me, I’ll understand.”

This fucking sucked.

Saffron knew this was a conversation that needed to happen, but she hated every single second of it. Her already bruised heart felt like it was in a vice. She fought hard to keep herself in check, knowing that getting emotional was only going to make things worse and more complicated, but it was a damn struggle. The thoughts racing through her head screamed that she was letting him down, betraying him, hurting him, being insensitive to his own feelings. She could tell herself all day long that wasn’t true, but that little nagging voice in her head – the one that so often sounded just like Addy’s – simply refused to shut itself off or give her a moment of reprieve from casting herself as a selfish, heartless, worthless villain.

She watched the visible war in his eyes, his posture, as he grappled with the overwhelming confessions that she’d just dumped on him without ceremony. Though she’d done her best to deliver her thoughts and fears and mistakes as compassionately as possible, there really was no softening the weight of her words, nor the resounding truth behind them. They were realizations that she knew Cedric had probably never stopped to consider, given his inexperience with genuine and authentic human interaction, let alone his lack of romantic relationship experience. All she could do was wait and see how he would react.

His response wasn’t awful… but in truth, it wasn’t great, either. There was sincere understanding, or at least acknowledgement, but even Saffron could see that he was having trouble processing how he really felt. He likely wasn’t going to really know his stance on the issue until he had time and solitude to think it over, after being removed from her presence. For now, he was being polite. Not falsely so, but certainly forced by the strain of keeping himself together. The former Dread Master conceded to her points, but whether or not he would continue to agree with her once he’d had time enough to settle his mind remained to be seen.

The comment about their future, or rather the openness to a “may not” regarding it, felt like a gut punch. She wanted nothing more in that moment than to assure him that she wanted that future, that she planned on fighting for it even; wanted to look him in the eyes and tell him exactly how strongly she felt for him, rather than just sweeping her deep rooted affection under a rug of ambiguity… but in her heart, she knew that was wrong. It would only lead him on, encouraging him to cling tighter to her instead of accepting the idea that they needed to spend some time growing apart from one another, without letting their mutual yearning define their lives, before they could grow together.

She also wanted to fight against his inclination to avoid the confrontation, something he was clearly doing because he didn’t want to invalidate her position on the matter. He wasn’t going to come to terms with himself if he brushed off the discussion… but that, too, wasn’t something she could force on him. He had to approach it on his own time, in his own way, when he was ready to confront it. Probably with someone that wasn’t her. Because, while he said that he agreed that they needed to expand their social support systems, that didn’t necessarily mean that the notion didn’t upset him.

A slight chill on her cheek alerted her to the soft, quiet tears that were starting to drip from the corners of her eyes, which had turned to a deep ocean of blue. Not wanting him to feel guilted or to put all the focus on her feelings to the exclusion of his own, she slowly turned her face away and wiped them off with her fingers. The gesture was more than enough evidence that she was crying, of course, but… hopefully he wouldn’t press it.

“Maybe I don’t owe you an explanation,” she told him gently as she returned her attention to him, her eyes still blue but her tears more or less in check. “But I want you to have one. I want you to understand what I’m going through because I respect you. Because communication is the only way we’re going to stay on the same page. I know what it feels like to have to wonder about someone else… to live with the confusion of where you stand in someone’s life and… and to be consumed with second guessing every interaction. I’m not going to let that happen to you. Not intentionally. I refuse. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re stumbling in the dark for answers with me. I’m always going to do my best to tell you where I’m at… even if it hurts like fucking hell to do it.”

Saffron would never claim to be a wise woman, nor someone of any solid maturity, but she did know that she was the more experienced of the two of them when it came to the shittier side of life and love. For his sake, she would do her best to pass on the fruits and revelations of her prior traumas, in the hopes that he could learn from some of her worst moments in life without having to live them himself.

She allowed a moment of silence to fall between them, if only because she needed to catch her breath, so to speak. “Well… I should… probably give you some space,” the blonde murmured, clearly wanting to do anything but leave his side. She felt like an absolute piece of shit dumping all of this on him and running, but there was no way he could start the process of coming to grips with all of this while she was still front and center of him.

“Cedric…” she said, hoping to get him to meet her eyes. “I know it won’t be easy, but… I really do hope that you take the time to find someone – anyone – to talk to about all this. Don’t be like me, and bottle it up. Even if it’s someone we both know; I trust the people in our lives to not take sides. It won’t bother me. While I think that we shouldn’t be too dependent on each other, at least for now… Please know that if you feel like I’m the only one you need or want to talk to, when you're ready, I will always make time for you.”

Saffron forced herself to stop there, afraid that if she kept talking she’d talk herself right out of leaving. Or worse, admit to just how deep her feelings for him ran, which would only serve to further confuse and complicate the situation. She’d give him a chance to respond or say any last words if he had them. Then, with visible effort, she forced herself shakily to her feet and made her way to the door, pausing before she walked too far past him. “Thank you for listening… and I really am sorry.” With that, she showed herself to the exit.

At least she managed to keep the tears at bay until the door shut behind her.