I Need Some Space

Job Details:

Job Sign-Up: Page 32, Post Number 779

-Silver Wolf Guild Hall, Leona's Room, 10:00 A.M.-

Dressed in her green, white, and gold outfit with bike shorts on underneath the skirt, Leona stood in her room gathering some gear for a trip she was about to make. She put some clothes into her backpack and zipped it up, leaving it on the bed for the time being as she began to look around for her Argent Gloves and her Ranger Laser Rifle. She was going on a trip to the space station she had visited almost a year ago using her Infinite Improbability Chronometer. However, she was not going there for pleasure. Leona was going there to get away from it all for awhile.

Leona had seen the news report on what had happened in Felidae City. She had seen the chilling shot of a crater where a city had once stood. In between the report and the shot of the crater Leona's feelings of incompetence she had experienced during the Ishgar Symposium suddenly resurfaced. She thought she had pushed them down far enough to function without too much trouble, but seeing the news report caused those unpleasant memories to play in her mind in almost perfect detail.

Leona was a Wizard Saint and was supposed to be among the best mages in Fiore, but during the Ishgar Symposium she had made so many stupid mistakes that she looked like a novice mage. Chief among them was going in woefully unprepared. She had naively assumed that carrying her Silver Longsword as her primary weapon and Tempest Avian flying overhead as air support on demand would be enough, but events proved that she was terribly wrong on both counts. Leona took a deep breath to try and calm down, but the memories of her mistakes would not let up.

The Wizard Saint grabbed her backpack of supplies and clothing from her bed and put it on her back, grabbed the Argent Gloves from her desk and put them on her hands, then grabbed her Ranger Laser Rifle from its place in the right corner of her room. She looked at the weapon and wished that she would have been smart enough to bring it with her for the symposium. Having it with her would have enabled her to at least stand a chance of pulling her weight, but naivety and stupidity compelled her to leave it back at the guild hall. She had called herself traveling light, but what she had really done was render herself nearly useless.

Leona closed her eyes. She could not bear to think about what had happened any longer. She slung the Ranger Laser Rifle onto her right shoulder, then walked over to her desk and rummaged through the drawers until she found the Infinite Improbability Chronometer sitting in the bottom of the right drawer. She pulled it out and closed the drawer, then held the device in both hands and looked at it.

Using the Infinite Improbability Chronometer to go to space would be a temporary escape at best. When Leona came back to Earthland she would still be haunted by the memories of her incompetence and would still have to come to terms with what had happened in Felidae City. Leona would also have to come to terms with the fact that she made a lot of mistakes at the worst possible time.

Leona needed to get away from it all now. She needed time to try and pull herself together again. This was the best option she could think of to buy the time she needed, so she was going to use it. The Wizard Saint closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

Leona opened her eyes again and gripped the IIC in her left hand while winding it with her right hand. She silently counted the number of times she wound the IIC until she reached exactly forty-two. Once that number was reached she felt her body get lighter and she was lifted off her feet. Moments later she would disappear and start her temporary escape from her problems.

-On board the space station-

Leona reappeared on board the space station in the same clean white corridor she had appeared in during her first visit to the space station. She took a moment to adjust to the sudden transport and slowly walked over to the window overlooking the planet below. Leona winced when she saw her reflection in the window and turned away just as her hair began to grow to waist length. She could not stand to look at herself right now, not with the memories that were playing in her mind.

It had not even been a full minute since her arrival and the temporary escape to space was already proving to be no escape at all.

Leona faced the door that led to the station's command center and began to walk towards it. Even though she was not looking forward to talking to anyone in her present mental state, Leona wanted to see if Annette Larson was still here. Leona wanted to learn how the space station had fared in her absence.

The Wizard Saint walked towards the command center door and when she reached it the door opened automatically. Leona walked into the room to look for Annette Larson.

-Inside the command center-

Leona walked into the room full of computer stations and looked around for Annette, but the Wizard Saint did not see her anywhere. The viewscreens on the left, right, and center walls were all turned off. Recalling her previous visit to the space station, Leona located the room door on the right side of the room and walked towards it. Moments later she was stopped by the sound of a door opening and a voice coming from the entrance to the command center.

"Hi there! You must be Leena!" The voice greeted Leona warmly. The blonde sighed. Even in space there was someone who mispronounced her name. Leona turned to face the source of the voice and spotted a young woman with aqua hair, unusual clothing, and a headset on her head. In her left hand was what looked to be a tablet computer.

"It's Leona. Lee-own-uh." Leona said tersely, a trace of irritation evident on her voice as she spelled out the proper pronunciation of her name. The young woman's cheerfulness was not dampened by Leona's irritation and she continued to speak with the same good cheer with which she had greeted Leona.

"Annette told me that you'd show up again one day!" The aqua-haired young woman informed Leona. The blonde immediately forgot about her irritation and focused on the young woman.

"I forgot to introduce myself! My name's Eliza!" The aqua-haired youth introduced herself to Leona.

Eliza:

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"Hi Eliza." Leona said with all the cheer she could muster, going through the motions of being sociable despite feeling anything but sociable. Eliza continued to smile at the blonde as Leona looked her over. Eliza's style of clothing was a bit odd... her boots were rather large and her skirt had what looked like vents on the edges.

"Hi Leona!" Eliza greeted the Wizard Saint, using the proper pronunciation of the blonde's name this time. Leona felt her gloomy mood lighten, but only a little. She kept quiet until she could properly phrase the question she wanted to ask Eliza about Annette. Seconds later Leona had come up with the best phrasing she could muster.

"You said that Annette told you that I'd return here some day. What did you mean by that?" Leona calmly asked Eliza. The aqua-haired youth continued to smile as she made eye contact with Leona.

"Annette went on vacation a week ago. She's not gonna be back for awhile, so she left me in charge of managing this space station. She told me to be on the lookout for someone named Leona Jarnefeldt. Annette also told me to give Leona something whenever she returned." Eliza explained. Leona blinked. What did Annette instruct Eliza to give the Wizard Saint?

"Annette told me that you're a big reason why this space station's still operational. Thanks to you the communications relay was fixed and she was able to call in professionals to fix up the station. Thanks to them everything that was wrong with the station was fixed. Now we don't have to worry about the oxygen generators going out!" Eliza continued to talk, informing Leona that the latter had played a large part in fixing up the space station by her work on that day. Leona was glad to hear that everything that needed repair had been fixed. Crawling in the smaller tunnels of the Communications Maintenance Tunnels had not been in vain.

"Because of your help Annette told me to give you a special reward the next time you arrived here." Eliza informed Leona that Annette had arranged a "special reward" for the Wizard Saint. Leona wondered what it could possibly be. She wondered if the reward was a high-tech weapon, a piece of high-tech armor, or something else that could be useful.

Eliza shifted the tablet in her right hand to her left hand and extended her right hand towards Leona. In her hand was a golden keycard. Leona looked at the keycard, then at Eliza.

"It's a keycard to your suite in the Residential Area." Eliza explained what the golden keycard was for.

"Annette set you up in the best residential suite on the station as thanks for your efforts. I think you'll like it. C'mon, follow me and I'll show you to your suite!" Eliza offered.

"OK." Leona agreed to follow the young woman. Eliza spun on her heels to face the door.

"This way!" Eliza cheerfully called out. Leona jogged to catch up with the aqua-haired young woman as the latter left the command center and started towards the elevator that would take them to the Residential Area.

-Inside the elevator, three minutes later-

Eliza and Leona stood inside the elevator and Eliza had just pressed a button on the control panel to the right of the door. Leona braced herself as the elevator began descending. She expected to be jolted so hard that she was thrown face-first onto the floor, but to her relief the elevator descended smoothly. Eliza noticed Leona's apprehension and laughed.

"Don't worry, Leona. The elevator's been fixed so that the ride's a lot smoother!" Eliza assured Leona that this elevator ride would not be as rough as the previous rides the blonde had taken. Leona was glad to hear that she would not fall over once the elevator came to a stop, which it did two minutes after it started.

"All right, we're on the right floor. Follow me!" Eliza bade Leona and walked out of the elevator when the door opened. Leona wordlessly followed the aqua-haired youth out of the elevator and onto the Residential Area floor.

-In the Residential Area, two minutes later-

Eliza and Leona walked out of the elevator and into a very long hallway that looked a lot like the one Leona had appeared in except for the key difference of four large doors in the middle of the left wall. Eliza kept walking and Leona continued to follow her hostess through the hallway until they reached the fourth door. Once the pair reached the door Eliza inserted the golden keycard into a reader and a long BEEEEEP sounded, then the door opened onto another lengthy hallway with doors on each side of the hall.

"We're almost to your suite, Leona. It's just a little bit further!" Eliza offered encouragement to Leona, who remained silent. The Wizard Saint had walked long distances many times in the past, so a walk down a long hallway was nothing to her. Eliza then walked through the open door with Leona following close behind.

-Inside the hallway, five minutes later-

The footsteps of both young women echoed in the hallway as they walked down the long hallway that was wide enough to accommodate six people walking side-by-side. The walls of the hallway were a comforting beige color as opposed to the stark white color of the main hallway, but that was not all Leona noticed. She noticed that there were doors on both sides of the hallway, but they were few and far between. Leona took a closer look and noticed that there were only ten doors in this hallway.

"We're in the VIP section of the Residential Area. As you saw earlier, a golden keycard's required to even get in here." Eliza informed Leona where she was. Leona did not react to that statement in any way. She just wanted to get to her room and be alone for awhile.

After a little more walking the pair reached the fifth door on the right side of the hallway. Eliza stood in front of another card reader and inserted the keycard into it. A long BEEEEEP sounded and the door unlocked. Eliza took the card out of the card reader and spun around to face Leona.

"Ready to see your suite, Leona?" Eliza asked the Wizard Saint.

"Sure." Leona replied laconically. She could not wait to get into her room and stay for awhile. Maybe if she went to sleep she could get a respite from her negative thoughts... until she woke up again. However, right now Leona did not care how long the escape would last because at this moment she was eager to take any respite she could get.

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-Inside Leona's suite-

"And here we are! Your very own VIP suite! It's yours to use whenever you come here!" Eliza said as the pair entered the room. She then stepped aside to permit the Wizard Saint a clear view of the room that was hers to stay in whenever she visited the space station. Leona looked at the room and was impressed with what she saw.

It was easily four times the size of her room back at Silver Wolf Guild Hall. It had a few notable features such as a spacious living room with a black leather couch on the right wall, a glass coffee table in front of it, and a long window that had an excellent view of space. The window had gray metal shutters that were currently open and waiting to be closed, which was accomplished by pressing a button located on a small panel to the right of the window.

"Nice." Leona commented laconically. Her mental state was not the best right now, so she was not inclined to carry on an extended conversation with anyone, especially not with a stranger. She was aware that she was probably being rude to Eliza by not at least trying to sound happy about the luxurious living space she had just been given, but Leona was not feeling particularly cheerful at the moment. Eliza was either oblivious to Leona's indifference or chose to overlook it because she continued to radiate good cheer.

"There's more to the suite than just a large living room. I'll show you!" Eliza said. Leona followed her aqua-haired hostess to the center of the living room and looked in the direction Eliza was pointing. She pointed to an open door on the right side of the room.

"There's your bedroom, Leona! It's got a double bed!" Eliza exclaimed, pointing towards a large bed with white sheets and a royal blue comforter. Leona liked the royal blue comforter so much that she was moved to comment on it.

"I like that blue comforter. It's a nice touch." Leona said in a sincere tone of voice, giving a polysyllabic response for once. Eliza gave a beaming smile.

"Thanks!" Eliza thanked Leona for the compliment. Leona was feeling her gloomy mood lift a little more thanks to the aqua-haired youth and her endless good cheer. Eliza then walked towards the bedroom while Leona followed.

-In the bedroom-

Eliza entered first and kept walking to the right until she reached a set of sliding double doors, which she opened. She then pointed to them.

"This is a walk-in closet for you to put your clothes in. There are plenty of hangers, so don't worry about needing any of those." Eliza informed Leona. Leona looked towards the walk-in closet and saw that it was small but serviceable. She did not need a giant closet since she did not bring a whole lot of clothing... just a couple of athletic t-shirts, a couple of tank tops, both versions of her blue, white, and gold outfit, and the outfit she was wearing now.

Eliza closed the walk-in closet, then walked to her right and stopped just short of a closed door. She opened it and reached inside to turn on the light, then pointed towards the room.

"There's your en suite bathroom. It's equipped with a shower and it's fully supplied with soap, shampoo, and everything else you need." Eliza pointed out the bathroom and its amenities. Leona peered inside. Like with the walk-in closet the bathroom was small but serviceable. Eliza turned out the light and then began to walk out of the room. Leona followed her out of the bedroom.

-In the living room-

After the tour of the bedroom Eliza and Leona stood in the center of the living room again. Even though she did not say it aloud, Leona appreciated having a bed, a walk-in closet, and a bathroom all in one place. She wondered what other amenities her VIP suite boasted.

"If you'll follow me I'll show you to your holograph projector room!" Eliza said. Leona blinked. She had her own holograph projector room too?

"Follow me!" Eliza bade Leona. The Wizard Saint dutifully followed her across the room to an open door on the left.

-In the holograph projector room-

"And here we are. This is your holograph projector room. It's got the latest model of holograph projector, a library of the latest holograph movies, and plenty of seating for your and your friends." Eliza said and motioned towards the projector and seats with her left hand. The room was a medium-sized room that was immaculately clean. The projector sat on the floor in the center of the back wall and the seats were two rows of individual seats like those found in a movie theater. They were all clean and showed little sign of use.

Leona could not help but to think about the "seating for you and your friends" statement that the aqua-haired youth had just made. Even though it was not intended as such, the remark felt like a jab at Leona's difficulties in making friends. Leona did not have enough friends to fill all of the seats in this room.

That was because Leona had terrible social skills. Eliza was sure to pick up on that sooner or later. She might have picked up on that fact already and was just too polite to call Leona out on her lack of social skills.

"Leona, you look kinda distant. Are you OK?" Eliza asked Leona in a concerned tone of voice. Leona quickly turned her head and made eye contact.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine, Eliza. I really like this suite. And everything in it." Leona replied in an obviously stilted manner. Eliza looked like she was not buying that answer, but then smiled again.

"That's good. I've covered everything in your suite, so I'll just leave you alone now." Eliza said. She then handed the golden keycard to Leona and turned to leave. She stopped in the doorway and turned to face Leona again.

"If you need me for anything, I'll be in the command center. Enjoy your suite!" Eliza bade Leona. Leona waved goodbye as Eliza walked out of the room to return to the station's command center. The Wizard Saint was now left alone in her suite.

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-Inside Leona's suite, one hour later-

Approximately one hour after Eliza's departure Leona had changed out of her outfit top and into her green tank top. She was now lying on the couch in the living room with her IIC lying on the glass coffee table next to her Ranger Laser Rifle and keycard. Her boots sat to the right of the couch and her socks were lying on top of them. Her backpack of supplies had been placed on her bed in the bedroom.

Leona did not feel like doing much of anything right now. She did not feel like watching a holographic movie and she did not feel like sleeping either. She was just lying around staring at the door to the holograph projector room. Watching a holographic movie was just too much trouble right now.

Leona should have been excited to be given such a luxurious room to call her own. She did not have to share it with anyone and everything in it was hers to use as she wanted when she wanted. If she wanted to stay up until the next day watching movies she could watch movies all night long. If she wanted to take a lengthy shower she could do so and no one would complain. If she wanted to lie on the bed for half the day she could do that too.

But Leona was not excited about any of that.

Instead Leona was thinking about the numerous mistakes she had made during the Ishgar Symposium. She thought about the news report she had watched and the image of the crater she had seen shortly before leaving for space. She had made so many mistakes. So many.

Tired of staring at the door to the holograph projector room, Leona rolled over until she was lying on her back facing the ceiling.

Leona had made so many mistakes during the symposium that she could not even begin to count them all.

She was supposed to be one of the best mages in Fiore, but thanks to her naivety and stupidity she ended up looking like a bumbling amateur.

She was just an incompetent who had been carried by the efforts of Kyran, Lehanna, and Maven.

On that fateful day all three of them had performed to the best of their ability and had performed admirably. Leona was the dead weight of the team who had found way after way to mess up when others were counting on her to live up to her title of the Wizard Saint of Courage. Leona had made so many stupid mistakes that she was fairly certain that questions about her fitness to be a Wizard Saint would arise at some point.

Leona thought about her fitness to bear that honored title and gazed at the ceiling.

She had questioned her own worthiness many times before today.

She was questioning it yet again.

Leona wondered if she should just relinquish the title and make way for someone who actually knew what they were doing. Maybe that would be for the best. She should just give up the title of Wizard Saint and let someone who was far more qualified hold it.

Leona took a deep breath and sat up on the couch. She needed to get out of this suite and go somewhere she could get away from her thoughts. She was not sure if there was anywhere she could go to escape her thoughts, but she had to try. Putting on her socks and boots and grabbing both her Ranger Laser Rifle and her keycard, Leona grabbed her IIC and took it to the bedroom, where she opened her backpack and placed the device inside of it. She zipped the backpack up and left the bedroom, then walked out of the suite's living room and into the hallway.

-The Residential Area, the hallway, ten minutes later-

Leona walked out of the hallway that led to her suite and walked into the main hallway of the Residential Area. She looked out the long window without getting too close to it because she did not want to see her own reflection at the moment. She listened to the soft humming of  machinery in the hallway as she looked out the window at the planet below.

She wondered what the planet was called. Maybe Annette knew. Or maybe Eliza knew. Leona looked at the planet for a minute or two before her curiosity was satisfied and she moved on further down the hallway. Leona had no destination in mind... she just wanted to get out of her suite and get away from the persistent negative thoughts that were plaguing her.

Leona walked to the door and when she got within five steps of it the door opened automatically to reveal another very long hallway with more doors along the left wall. She was glad to find a new hallway to walk down because as long as she kept walking she was able to forget the persistent negative thoughts that had compelled her to leave her suite within an hour of entering it. With the new hallway open to her the Wizard Saint walked down it while looking at her surroundings.

-Leona's suite, forty minutes later-

Leona had walked the length of the hallway until she reached a locked door with a sign that declared the area behind it was off-limits to anyone but station personnel. Not wanting to press the issue, she turned away from it and started back towards her room. After arriving in her room she was feeling a little better... the thoughts had been pushed out of her mind for the time being.

Leona walked over to the glass coffee table and set down her Ranger Laser Rifle and keycard on it, then sat down on the couch and removed her boots and socks. The Wizard Saint was not sure what she wanted to do from here. She was not particularly tired and she was not interested in watching a movie. She had no need to take a shower because she had taken a shower before she left Silver Wolf Guild Hall. Leona was at a loss as to what to do to occupy her free time.

She might end up walking the length of the hallway again, but she could do that later. She was trying to find something to do that did not require her to leave her room.

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-Leona's suite, the bedroom, twenty minutes later-

Leona had spent twenty minutes sitting on the living room couch trying to think of something she could do to pass the time, but she had come up with nothing. At least her negative thoughts had stopped for the time being. The Wizard Saint opted to lie on her bed and look at the ceiling of the bedroom for a change of scenery.

Having moved her backpack from the bed to the walk-in closet, Leona had put her Ranger Laser Rifle and keycard on the left side of her bed while lying on the right side. Her boots were sitting on the floor at the foot of her bed. She noticed that the room did not have a nightstand to set her keycard on, so she opted to keep it at her side in the bed. To the best of her knowledge the only people currently on the station were Eliza and herself, so there was only one logical suspect if the keycard went missing.

Leona lay on her back with a pillow under her head and stared at the ceiling. So far she could think without the negative thoughts intruding, but she was not certain how long that respite would last. It could last for several hours. It could last for only a matter of minutes. Leona would try to take advantage of the mental clarity while it lasted.

Leona thought back to the reason for her trip to the space station and knew that it was a foolish one. She had wanted to escape her problems for a little while and buy some time to get her act together, but the attempt had been futile. Her problems had followed her here.

If she could not temporarily escape her problems out here, why did she even bother to make the trip?

Leona thought about why she had made the trip for a minute and came to a conclusion.

She had come out here because she had wanted something for herself.

The Wizard Saint had forgotten the last time she had ever done anything for herself that was not work-related. Then she remembered Singles Night in Capital Crocus. She had went there with the intention of socializing with other people her age and had met Masha Dymonrel.

Leona's thoughts immediately turned to the alluring redhead.

Leona wondered what exactly she had done to catch the attention of Masha. The conversation with Masha when the latter had come to Silver Wolf Guild Hall had been a blur. Leona had trouble remembering all of it, but Leona clearly remembered that Masha was attracted to her. In return Leona found herself attracted to Masha despite herself.

The Wizard Saint was not sure why she was attracted to Masha. There was something that drew the blonde to the alluring redhead, something beyond physical attraction, simple self-interest, or obligation now that Giovanni was in the world. Leona could not put her finger on what that something was, though.

Maybe it was because Masha liked her not for her titles or her power, but because of who she was. Leona found that hard to comprehend, but she was still glad that the redhead liked her. Leona had few friends and wanted to hang onto the ones she had for as long as possible.

Thinking about friends brought Leona to the subject of her friend Samira Nassar, the Goddess of Humility.

The teal-haired mage was both Leona's oldest friend and her closest friend. Over the years the pair had been to several festivals together and had also fought together in the border clash between Pergrande and Bellum. Their friendship had lasted this long and Leona wanted to keep it going for as long as she could.

Leona closed her eyes for a moment. There were so many other mages she could have been friends with if she had made a serious effort to talk to them. So many other mages could have been her friend if she had had the courage to try.

The Wizard Saint could not lay here any longer.

Leona immediately rolled over to her right and got up from the bed. She then walked over to her boots and grabbed her socks, then put both socks and boots on. Finally she gathered her keycard and Ranger Laser Rifle before walking out of the room. She was going to go for another walk.

-The Residential Area, the hallway, six minutes later-

Leona was back in the hallway and was walking towards the elevator. She wanted to get away from her room for awhile and walking down the hallway was just not going to cut it this time. She wanted to go somewhere completely different to get away. While it sounded stupid to think that she could outrun her thoughts, Leona was not in the best mental state right now, so trying to get away from her thoughts made sense to her.

Leona was ten steps away from the elevator door when it opened and Eliza stepped out with the computer tablet clutched in her left hand. The aqua-haired youth spotted Leona and waved at her.

"Hey Leona!" Eliza cheerfully greeted the Wizard Saint. Leona wordlessly waved back with her right hand.

"Where are you going?" Eliza cheerfully asked her.

"Anywhere but here." Leona replied tersely. Eliza looked puzzled for a moment before she regained her smile.

"Why don't you walk with me to the Command Center?" Eliza asked Leona. Leona did not take long to come up with her answer to that question.

"Maybe later." Leona replied quickly and tersely. She was not feeling like going anywhere with Eliza right now, so she chose an answer that would allow her to safely put off making a decision until she was in the proper mental state to do so. That was the plan, anyway.

"All right then! I'll be in the Command Center if you need me! I'm up day and night, so come by any time you want!" Eliza extended an invitation without any hint of unhappiness on her voice. Leona watched her turn around and walk back to the elevator, then board it when the door opened. The Wizard Saint wordlessly started back towards her room... after what just happened she did not want to go anywhere but her room.

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-Leona's room, six minutes later-

Leona had put her Ranger Laser Rifle and her keycard on the glass coffee table in front of the couch. She had taken off her boots and socks and had placed them to the right of the couch. She was lying on the couch facing the door to the holograph projector room and feeling absolutely awful.

She had gotten what she wanted, which was to get out of a potential social situation with Eliza.

She had gotten what she wanted, so why was she feeling so terrible?

Leona did not know. She did not want to talk to Eliza and had come up with a sort-of answer to the latter's request that Eliza readily accepted. Far from being offended by the painfully obvious attempt to avoid social contact, the aqua-haired station administrator instead extended an open invitation for Leona to drop by the command center whenever the latter wanted. That knowledge made the blonde feel even worse than she did before encountering Eliza.

Maybe that was Eliza's intent behind the invitation.

She was too polite to call Leona out on her antisocial attitude, so she chose to get back at the Wizard Saint by killing her with kindness. If that was the case it was certainly working. Leona felt terrible for what she had said to the kind station administrator and desperately wanted to take her words back so that the feeling would go away.

Leona stared at the door and thought about her situation. She quickly reached two conclusions on the matter.

She did not deserve to have the bad feeling go away.

She deserved it for being so rude to someone who had shown her only kindness and consideration ever since she had set foot on the space station.

Instead of sighing Leona kept her mouth shut. She deserved every moment of misery for what she had done. She was lucky that Eliza had not chosen to revoke her VIP suite or take some other form of revenge for the slight. As station administrator Eliza could make Leona's time on the space station a living hell if she so chose.

Leona rolled over onto her other side and faced the back of the couch she was lying on.

She had made so many stupid mistakes over the course of her life. How she had treated Eliza earlier was the latest mistake to throw on the large pile of stupid mistakes she had made. Leona was starting to regret ever coming here. Instead of finding solace she had only found another place to make the same mistakes that had prompted her to come here for solace to begin with.

Unable to lie down any longer, Leona rolled over, then sat up on the couch and faced the wall. She mustered the energy to get up and walk over to the window to take a look out of it. She approached the window from the right side and was about to look out into space when she caught a glimpse of her face being reflected in the window. She saw someone who had made so many mistakes that she was close to being buried beneath them all.

Leona recoiled and made haste to press the shutter button with her right hand. Her right index finger touched the button and the shutters closed within seconds, blocking out all light in the room but also keeping her from seeing her reflection. The loss of light in the room was a tradeoff she was willing to make to avoid seeing what she did, especially since she had natural night vision that enabled her to navigate the darkened room with no problem. Moments after the light was cut out Leona walked over to the panel near the door to her room and found a small sliding bar all the way in the down position.

Leona used her right index finger to slowly push the bar up, causing the room lights to come on and slowly brighten the more she moved the small bar up. She gently pushed the small bar up until the lights were at just the right level of brightness for her, then stepped away from the panel. She then walked over to the couch and sat down again.

Leona sat in silence that was broken by the occasional quiet breath as the unpleasant thoughts returned.

There was no way to really know how many opportunities to make friends Leona had thrown away by being too afraid to try and connect with people.

Leona knew her social skills were terrible. She had not done herself any favors by either working alone or working with only a longtime friend like Samira Nassar, but Samira Nassar had proven to be surprisingly tolerant of Leona's "dumb blonde" moments. Other people might not be so tolerant of stupid mistakes made by someone of her status and dismiss her as an idiot who did not deserve her titles once they saw the "real" Leona.

Instead of turning away from that unpleasant thought or trying to suppress it, Leona delved into it. It was going to be rough going, but she had to confront her problems at some point. This was as good a time as any. No one was here to see her in the pathetic state she was in now, so she had better take advantage of it.

Leona valued her titles as Wizard Saint of Courage and as Guild Mistress of Silver Wolf. They did a lot to give her life meaning. However, like she had told Masha during their conversation, Leona was not sure if there was anything to her beyond those titles. She had invested a lot of her self-worth in those titles and was not sure if she would have much self-worth without them.

Leona focused on the topic of her titles in general and focused on the topic of her Wizard Saint title in particular. That was the title she tried the hardest to prove herself worthy to have. The Wizard Saint of Courage was a great honor that she was proud to hold, but that great honor was also the source of a great amount of stress for Leona.

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As the Wizard Saint of Courage Leona was supposed to always show courage no matter what sort of enemy she faced and whether there was only one enemy or a crowd of them. Ordinary people were allowed to show fear and doubt. Leona was not. She blamed that feeling on her name. Lions were age-old symbols of power and courage and she felt a lot of pressure to uphold that tradition.

Adding to that pressure was the feeling that as a Wizard Saint she was supposed to always find a way to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat no matter how bad a situation got. Leona had managed to do just that many times in the past. Then there were several times in the past where no matter how hard she had tried she just could not produce a miracle. One of those times was when she had been hired by Crocus Magicka University to find several people who had went on a research trip to Fat Monsterland without an armed escort. After traveling deep into Fat Monsterland and defeating any denizens of that region who got in her way Leona managed to find the university expedition, but by then all of them were zombies she had to put down.

After what had happened at the Ishgar Symposium it was safe to say that the Fat Monsterland job was only a blip on the radar. In fact the Ishgar Symposium was easily the nadir of Leona's career. At the thought of that fateful day Leona felt a wave of unpleasant memories and emotions wash over her and threaten to sweep away the modest progress she had made in confronting her problems.

Try as she might to set those emotions aside, Leona could not ignore the tidal wave of negative emotions that flowed from the memories of that fateful event. The feelings of worthlessness and failure hit her so hard that she felt her stomach turn. The more she sat here the more powerful those feelings got.

She leapt to her feet, grabbed her keycard, and slung the Ranger Laser Rifle onto her right shoulder. She then walked over to her boots and socks and snatched them up, then sat on the edge of the couch and put them on as quickly as she could. The moment the footwear was on Leona was up and out of the room as fast as she could walk.

-The Residential Area, in the hallway, six minutes later-

Leona had left her room behind and was walking up the hallway towards the restricted area she was not permitted to enter. Now that she was out of her room her emotions had stabilized and she was able to regain a degree of mental clarity that would let her continue to confront her problems without being overwhelmed by them. Her thoughts turned to her Wizard Saint title and why she had pursued it to begin with.

If the title caused her so much stress, why did she ever pursue it to begin with?

The answer was Leila Vergious.

Leona had chosen to pursue the title of Wizard Saint because of her. Leila Vergious was the one who had found Leona and encouraged her to join Silver Wolf despite the blonde being just a no-name newcomer from Desierto. Leona wanted to be like the beautiful and powerful silver-haired mage, so she aspired to become a Wizard Saint.

Would she have developed that aspiration if the Guild Master of another guild had been the one to approach her instead of Leila Vergious?

Leona did not know. It was one of those questions she had that might never be answered. What she knew for certain was that her time as a Wizard Saint had been very interesting.

Leona stopped in front of the door that led to the area that only station personnel were permitted to enter. She turned around and began walking again, this time towards the elevator. As long as she was walking Leona could keep the negative emotions at bay and think her problems through. It was not the most mature coping mechanism, but it was a lot better than the alternative, which was to sit or lay on the couch in her room and mope around while looking utterly pathetic.

Deciding to turn her mind to another problem while she was still able to focus, Leona thought about her other title as Guild Mistress of Silver Wolf. It was the second of her titles but no less important to her than her Wizard Saint title. Being Guild Mistress was a great honor, one she had never expected to hold.

However, unlike her Wizard Saint title, she had never aspired to be the Guild Mistress of Silver Wolf.

Before she became Guild Mistress Leona was a Guild Ace under Poko Monstar. Leona was content with that role because she had not expected to become a Guild Ace to begin with. She was content to be a Guild Ace for the rest of her career, but fate had had other plans for the mage from Desierto.

As she reached the door to the VIP suites Leona thought about her qualifications to be Guild Mistress of Silver Wolf.

Leona was much more interested in going on adventures than fulfilling the less glamorous but vital administrative responsibilities that came with her title. When she did take them seriously and sat down to do paperwork the task took her a lot longer than it needed to. However, being a mediocre administrator was the least of Leona's problems.

As the Guild Mistress Leona was supposed to be a good scientist and a good researcher in a guild with an intellectual mission. She was neither of those. Leona was not well-educated and she was certainly not very smart. Over the years she had taken small strides in learning to do research, but she was nowhere near the level she needed to be at to do justice to her role as Guild Mistress.

Her third problem stemmed from her lack of social skills and that problem was not really knowing the members of Silver Wolf. Leona was not just shy around total strangers... she was also shy around members of Silver Wolf as well. She knew members who were around when she joined like Yuvon Mu-Myu and Kitalpha Aurence and she knew Lehanna Seraph, Tsubasa Kageyama, Charlotte Chesterfield, and Masha Dymonrel, but she did not know most of the rest.

That problem was entirely her fault. There were so many opportunities to get to know guild members that Leona had let slip away because of her own apprehension about meeting other people. She was afraid that if they ever saw the "real" Leona that they would dislike her and want nothing to do with her. Leona would have to live with the knowledge that those missed chances were gone for good.

If Leona felt that she was not worthy to be a Guild Mistress, why did she remain in the role for so long?

As with the reason for Leona becoming a Wizard Saint, the reason for her remaining Guild Mistress for so long was Leila Vergious.

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Ever since Leona had ascended to Guild Mistress she had devoted herself to protecting what Leila had built. Leona had done everything she could to protect the work of the one who had reached out to her in the critical early days of her career as a mage. That day was so long ago that it felt like it had been a lifetime ago, but that day had shaped her mage career in ways that the blonde could not have possibly predicted.

Leona walked in silence for a few moments as she thought about how her titles of Wizard Saint and Guild Mistress mingled to shape who she was. She stopped within five steps to the elevator door and turned around, then started walking the opposite way. She was on a roll when it came to confronting her problems and she did not want to stop now.

As the Guild Mistress of Silver Wolf Leona worked to keep the guild running and provide shelter and work for its members. As the Wizard Saint of Courage Leona worked to do her part in confronting evil whenever it appeared and to help the people of Earthland. She was not content to rest on her laurels after a successful job... she was always looking for her next adventure and always looking for a way to prove her worthiness to bear the prestigious titles she bore.

Maybe that was her problem.

As Leona had concluded earlier, she had invested a lot of her self-worth into the prestigious titles that she bore. She put so much pressure on herself to prove herself worthy to hold them that it was likely she had developed unrealistic expectations of how she was supposed to look and behave. She did not have to think very hard to recall what those "unrealistic expectations" were.

As a Wizard Saint Leona felt that she was supposed to always be among the best mages in Fiore no matter what task she attempted. As the Wizard Saint of Courage she felt that she was supposed to embody that virtue no matter what opposition she faced. Leona to be the best in everything she did and to always be brave no matter who or what she was fighting, but on a few occasions no matter how hard she tried she had come up short.

The Ishgar Symposium was one of those times she had come up short.

Before that day she had never come up short so dramatically. She had made so many mistakes that she was far from the competent mage that a Wizard Saint was supposed to be. Kyran, Lehanna, and Maven had all performed much more competently than Leona, who had undoubtedly looked like a novice mage who had just joined a guild. Leona was not upset with them, though. The fault for her mediocre performance was hers alone and she would have to make peace with that.

Turning away from that unpleasant subject, Leona focused instead on her title as the Guild Mistress of Silver Wolf and what expectations she had set for herself in that field.

As the Guild Mistress Leona believed that she was supposed to be a good researcher and a good scientist, if not the best in both fields. She was also supposed to be a competent administrator who could handle piles of paperwork with ease. The reality was far different from her expectations for herself.

Leona was not a very good researcher because she did not devote much time to research, even in fields that interested her. She was an even worse scientist than she was a researcher  because she had not undertaken very many scientific endeavors and thus had little idea of how to be a proper scientist. Last but certainly not least, Leona was a reluctant administrator who would rather be out exploring Fiore than doing paperwork and when she did sit down to do administrative work it took a long time to complete it, further increasing her dislike for the administrative side of being Guild Mistress.

Leona had made small but important strides as a researcher by learning to look for the most recent research materials to use for research and to consult multiple sources. She had also made strides as an administrator by learning to sort and handle paperwork thanks to the patient efforts of guild staff in teaching her how to be a decent administrator. She was nowhere near the level of competence that she should be at, but at least it was not all doom and gloom on that front.

Leona walked past the door to the VIP suites and continued to think about her problems as she walked. She was making decent progress identifying her problems. She had identified the sources of many of her problems with what she believed to be reasonable accuracy. However, just because she had identified her problems did not mean that she knew exactly how to solve them.

For example, Leona's lack of social skills was a problem that was both easy and difficult to solve. She could solve it by making a serious effort to interact with more people, but mustering the courage to actually make that effort was the real challenge. She was afraid that if people saw her make dumb mistakes like saying ill-considered utterances or forgetting important things they would dislike her and do their best to avoid her. Just because Samira Nassar tolerated those mistakes did not mean that others would be so tolerant.

Leona could work on her shortcomings as a researcher, scientist, and administrator by asking individuals talented in those fields for help. She had already made a step in that direction by asking the guild staff for help learning to handle the guild paperwork, but for unknown reasons she had not asked for help in learning how to do proper research or in learning how to be a proper scientist. Leona knew that was due to her not wanting to look stupid by professing to not know things that she should already know. She would have to muster the courage to ask for help on how to improve on those shortcomings, but her lack of social skills held her back and overcoming that fault was easier said than done.

Leona took a deep breath and continued to walk towards the end of the hallway while listening to the hum of machinery.

Her mental state was slowly starting to improve now that she was confronting her problems instead of finding ways to postpone confronting them. She would need to work on fixing those problems, but by having started confronting them Leona was identifying them and prioritizing which problems needed to be fixed urgently and which problems could be safely left to wait a bit longer. Leona had already made improving her awful social skills a top priority because so many of her problems stemmed from that one issue. Fortunately for her someone to practice interacting with existed in the person of Eliza the station administrator.

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Eliza was available to help Leona improve her social skills. She had extended Leona an open invitation to visit the command center whenever the Wizard Saint felt like it, after all. However, the moment she had considered that possibility Leona started having doubts about whether she still had any right to talk to Eliza after how she had treated the station administrator earlier.

Earlier Eliza had tried to talk to Leona but the latter had put off the conversation with a vague statement that was uttered so quickly that it probably sounded like Leona was dismissing Eliza from her presence. It also made the Wizard Saint sound like she could not be bothered to talk to Eliza because doing so would be an onerous chore. Instead of taking offense the aqua-haired station administrator had taken Leona's words at face value and cheerfully extended the invitation before she left, leaving Leona feeling a large amount of guilt.

Leona stopped walking and took a deep breath, then turned around to face the elevator.

She was going to take the elevator to the level where the command center was and go apologize to Eliza.

Leona mustered the courage to walk towards the elevator. She was going to go and apologize to Eliza for being so rude earlier. She was going to quit running from her biggest problem and actually do something about it. She was going to walk into that elevator, take it to the level where the command center was, and go into the command center to talk to Eliza.

That newfound resolve lasted until Leona actually got to the elevator door. She was about to enter it when the door opened and inside stood Eliza with her tablet computer and her ever-present smile. Leona's resolve disappeared in a flash of panic as she quickly stepped back and tried to recover from the unpleasant surprise.

So much for being the Wizard Saint of Courage.

"Hi Leona!" Eliza greeted the Wizard Saint like they had been lifelong friends. Leona recovered enough to speak to the aqua-haired young woman.

"Hi there Eliza." Leona quickly returned the greeting and tried to conceal her growing embarrassment.

"Are you OK?" Eliza asked the startled Wizard Saint. Leona nodded weakly.

"Yeah." Leona replied laconically as she tried to save what face she had left after being so visibly startled by Eliza's unexpected arrival. Eliza did not question the Wizard Saint and continued to smile.

"Great! I came down here to ask if you wanted to go to the command center and talk." Eliza informed Leona of the purpose of her visit. The Wizard Saint started to feel bad all over again because her inaction had made the station administrator come down to the Residential Area to talk to her. She was not sure if Eliza was trying to be nice or if the visit was another attempt to kill Leona with kindness, but the visit was making Leona feel renewed guilt over her behavior from earlier. Leona took a quiet breath before making up her mind.

This time she was not going to brush Eliza off with a vague promise.

She was going to take the elevator up to the command center right now.

"Sure. Let's go to the command center." Leona replied. She had not sounded nearly as eager as she had wanted to sound. She had made it sound like she was accepting the offer under duress or out of obligation instead of freely accepting an offer that had been made to her in good faith. In a manner of speaking Leona had accepted out of obligation. She felt that she owed Eliza something for being rude to her earlier and that was what drove the Wizard Saint to accept Eliza's offer when the latter made it a second time.

"Great! Get on the elevator and we'll get going!" Eliza bade Leona. Leona wordlessly stepped onto the elevator and Eliza closed the door, then pressed the UP button that put the elevator in motion.

-The Command Center, nine minutes later-

After the elevator ride the pair stepped into the hallway that Leona had arrived in and walked until they reached the door to the command center, which opened for them like it had been expecting them. Both young women walked into it and stopped in the center of the room. Leona faced Eliza and waited for the station administrator to talk. That was probably not what she should be doing... the Wizard Saint should be the one initiating the conversation, but she would have to work on that.

"How do you like the space station so far, Leona?" Eliza started the conversation. Leona blinked. She had not expected to be asked that kind of question. It was also a tough question to answer since she had not seen much of the space station since her last visit.

"I haven't seen much of the space station so far, but I like what I see. I like the VIP suites too." Leona admitted that she liked what little she had seen of the space station and made it a point to say that she liked her spacious and luxurious lodging. Eliza seemed pleased to hear that.

"Annette said that you'd like your suite. She said that you deserved that much for your help in repairing the Communications Relay. Without that relay we wouldn't have been able to call for help and things would have gotten very bad." Eliza stated to Leona. Leona recalled from her last visit that two of the atmosphere generators were threatening to shut down at any minute, which was bad news since she and Annette needed oxygen to survive. Fortunately for them six of the eight generators were still functional and they gave the pair the oxygen they needed to live until the repair team could fix the generators that needed repair.

"Yeah. I'm just glad that I was able to help out." Leona replied. Crawling through the maintenance tunnels to get to each relay connection had been rough on her chest due to how big it was, but the pain had been worth it. Annette was able to call for a repair team and the station was now repaired and fully functional. Even though she had not done what she did for a reward, Leona had gotten one months after the fact in the form of a VIP suite that was hers to use whenever she arrived on the space station.

"Some parts of the station were in really bad shape. Like they were weeks away from losing structural integrity, if they even had that long. The Habitation Level was in pretty bad shape and was roughly a week from being uninhabitable." Eliza informed Leona of just how close she and Annette were cutting it. Leona blinked.

"Yeah. It was a really close thing." Eliza commented in response to Leona's blinking.

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"When I was last here I could tell by a 3D schematic that the station was in pretty bad shape." Leona commented to Eliza.

"It was in bad shape, but thanks to the repair team everything's working again. We're in no danger of losing any vital life support systems and the connections in the communications relay have been fixed so that they stay plugged in. If we need help again you won't have to crawl through the maintenance tunnels to fix the connections." Eliza replied and assured Leona that everything was fine now. That was good since if any repairs that were more complicated than plugging something back in needed to be done Eliza was out of luck. Leona had no idea how to repair the technology in this space station because it was way beyond anything she had seen in her life.

"I'm glad to hear that." Leona replied calmly. Eliza looked at the Ranger Laser Rifle slung on Leona's right shoulder for a moment, then made eye contact with Leona again.

"I can't help but to notice that you've been carrying that weapon with you everywhere. Why is that?" Eliza asked Leona. The Wizard Saint took a quiet breath, an action that did not escape Eliza's notice. Eliza looked like she was starting to regret asking the question, but Leona was going to answer it anyway.

"I grew up in a place that wasn't very safe, Eliza. Everyone in my village had to be ready to fight at a moment's notice because there were people who wanted to kill us or enslave us. An attack from those people could come at any time of day or night, so everyone who could fight carried a weapon at all times." Leona told Eliza a bit about her past. Leona's habit of carrying a weapon persisted long after she had left Desierto because old habits were hard to break. She carried one with her everywhere she was permitted to and made sure to have a knife as a backup weapon just in case she lost her primary weapon somehow.

"Oh. I'm... I'm sorry to hear that." Eliza apologized in case she had accidentally offended Leona. Leona shrugged it off.

"It's OK, Eliza. That was a fair question." Leona calmly conceded. The Wizard Saint had not considered what Eliza might think of the former carrying a weapon around the space station. Eliza probably thought that Leona was expecting trouble at any moment, a thought that was correct. As a Wizard Saint Leona had come to expect trouble at any moment from bandits or Dark Mages looking to build a reputation for themselves by being the one to take down the Wizard Saint of Courage.

"Now that I know why you're carrying a weapon around it makes a little more sense for you to do that." Eliza added. Leona let the remark pass without comment and waited for the next statement or question from the aqua-haired youth. As she waited for the conversation to resume a thought crept into Leona's mind.

She owed Eliza an apology for brushing her off earlier.

"I'm sorry if seeing my rifle put you on edge." Leona apologized in case carrying the Ranger Laser Rifle everywhere had put Eliza on edge. Eliza waved off the apology with her free hand.

"It's all right, Leona. I was more curious than anything." Eliza replied without a trace of animosity or fear in her voice. Leona took a quiet breath and prepared to make the apology for being rude to Eliza earlier. This was as good a chance as she was going to get, so she had better take advantage of the pause in the conversation to make the apology.

"Eliza... I'm sorry if I was rude to you earlier. I wasn't in the best mental state at the time, but you didn't deserve how I acted towards you." Leona apologized to Eliza the best she could. She did not expect Eliza to accept it because to the latter it probably sounded like the apology was being made just to soothe Leona's conscience. In a way it was an attempt to soothe her conscience, something of which Leona was ashamed.

Eliza looked at Leona for a moment and the Wizard Saint feared that Eliza was going to reject the apology. She had every right to. The aqua-haired youth had shown nothing but kindness to Leona and the latter had spoken curtly to her and brushed her off because she did not feel like talking at the time.

"It's all right, Leona. I didn't think you were purposely being rude towards me. It seemed like you had a lot on your mind at the time." Eliza accepted the apology. The wording made Leona feel bad all over again, but she would just have to live with it. She had no right to be upset at Eliza after the rude tone she had used with the aqua-haired youth earlier.

"I did. I did have a lot on my mind at the time." Leona admitted sheepishly.

"You probably don't want to talk about it right now." Eliza added.

"If you don't mind, I'd prefer not to talk about that." Leona requested as politely as she could. The Ishgar Symposium was a topic that Leona did not want to talk about right now. The mental scars were still fairly fresh and she would rather confront them at a later date, ideally when she had sorted out some of her other problems.

"That's fine, Leona. We won't talk about any of it then." Eliza declared an end to the matter then and there. She then smiled again.

"I won't hold you up any longer, Leona. If you want to go back to your suite I won't keep you here!" Eliza offered to let Leona leave. The Wizard Saint was going to accept that offer because it seemed like the conversation was winding down and she did not want to outstay her welcome. Besides, Eliza likely had important business to attend to and she did not need Leona hanging around.

"I'll go back to my suite now. Thanks again for everything, Eliza." Leona thanked Eliza for her gracious and generous hospitality. Eliza smiled and waved at the Wizard Saint with her free hand and the blonde waved back. Leona then turned to leave the command center so that Eliza could get back to her work. Leona left the command center feeling like she could recover from her gloomy mood.

This small victory was no miracle cure that would magically help Leona get over all her issues at once. It would take a lot time and effort to do it, but the Wizard Saint would get through this rough patch in her life and career. She had a lot of issues to work through, but given enough time and enough effort she could work through them.

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-Leona's suite, three hours later-

Roughly three hours after leaving the command center so that Eliza could get back to work Leona was sitting on the couch in her suite and thinking about earlier events. When she had arrived here she was in the grip of emotional turmoil so deep that she was not sure that she would emerge from it any time soon. All of the negative emotions she had been pushing down for the sake of her public image had come to the surface and the outcome of the Ishgar Symposium had been the catalyst.

The wounds from that event would take a long time to heal. Leona needed to confront the issues that had stemmed from that day, but today was not the day to confront those issues. She would need to take things one day at a time and build up to that point, but even then she might not be able to do it alone.

She might also need to seek help from someone she felt comfortable talking to. That list was a very short list of people that was in the single digits. The top two names were Masha Dymonrel and Samira Nassar.

Masha had helped Leona come up with a logical solution to the problem of explaining to her mother how Giovanni was born without Leona having sexual intercourse with a man. That solution had come about when Leona finally stopped worrying about her image and laid out her problems for Masha in plain language. Leona was not sure if the alluring redhead could help with the kind of trouble she was dealing with, but since Masha was a lot smarter than the Wizard Saint, she might be able to help. However, Leona did not want to dump all of her problems onto the redhead, so the blonde had better approach her carefully lest she drive Masha away.

Samira Nassar was the other name on Leona's list. That famous mage was Leona's oldest friend and was also the Goddess of Humility. Furthermore, the teal-haired mage had been a Wizard Saint for a lot longer than Leona, so she was a good source of wisdom and advice. Again Leona would have to approach Samira carefully to avoid driving her away.

Leona would ask one of them for help later, though. Right now she just wanted to be in the moment during a time she had some mental clarity. Leona looked at her surroundings and noticed that the shutters on the window were still closed. It was time to open them back up.

Leona stood up and walked over to the shutter control panel. She tapped the button with her right index finger and the shutters began to open. Leona saw her reflection in the window and winced, but she did not hurry away from it like she had earlier. Once the shutters were open Leona looked through the window at the scenery stretching in front of her.

It was an inky black canvas stretching as far as the eye could see. There were so many stars that she could not even begin to count them all, so she did not even bother to try. She looked down and she could barely see the edge of the planet that the space station was positioned above.

Leona stepped back from the window and walked back to the couch to sit down again. She was starting to feel better and not just because she had opened the shutters again. After thinking through her problems everything started to make more sense and thinking through her problems opened a way forward. Today's efforts were no miracle cure for what ailed Leona, but they were the start to finally addressing problems that she had tried to hide for the sake of her image.

Leona looked around her room and took a quiet breath.

Everything might turn out OK after all.

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