HI!
I'll be your guide!
So this is what Sin was like. Wait no, this is slightly different. This is the… Elysium subforum. And Elysium is based in Sin. Okay, all caught up -- deep breath everyone, I’ve figured it out.
Crowlee blinked in slight confusion, his devilish eyes wide with surprise and awe. It was a bit odd to the demonic spirit to be talking in the past tense, considering he was thinking and saying all the things he wanted to in the present tense. But apparently that was how these forum roleplay boards so who was he to judge? This was his first time being aware that he was even on such a thing and not back in the Other World.
Crowlee came from the Other World, you see. That’s where he was born to an unloving mother and an even more unloving father. Then again they were both demons so that wasn’t that big of a surprise. But still a little bit of warmth (that wasn’t the heat from hellfire) would have been nice -- then maybe he wouldn’t have wound up such a despicable, hateful braggart. But, once more, that was probably exactly what they hoped would happen. After all, demons were far more interested in --
“Jesus, could you monologue any longer? Just how many words are you trying to barf out in hopes of reaching a D rank job? How about I just go in there and introduce myself?” Crowlee said sarcastically, rolling his eyes and looking skyward. To any that would pass him by, they would probably think that he was some crazy person talking to the wind. But Crowlee knew better than that -- he could see past the great sheet that had been cast over all of their eyes. And even as the words were continuing to pour out in monologue form, mostly to spite him at this point, he reached down and brushed off the sleeves of his ratty, far-too-stiff suit jacket. The black and white striped outfit was the only one he ever wore, purely satisfied with the amount of demonic gunk, bile and leftover cocaine that clung to its threads.
“I hope all of you reading this are ready for a party because this son of a bitch is looking for a good time,” Crowlee stated once more, his eyes moving slightly off center from where he had spoken before. He was speaking directly to the ethereal eyes of those reading through a screen, their mouths agape in awe that this character could possibly interact with them. It must be some meta shit; the writer trying to mess with their heads. There was no way that Crowlee could truly glimpse into the dumbfounded faces of the readers while they sipped on their Mountain Dew and stuffed their faces with Doritos.
“Those are gamer losers, idiot. I’m talking about weebs. They are so much worse,” the demonic spirit said with a chuckle.
My bad. Replace Mountain Dew with tea and Doritos with Pocky.
“Now, why am I even joining this guild in the first place?” Crowlee wondered, humming. He thrust a hand into his jacket and pulled out an oversized book that clearly didn’t look like it would have comfortably rested in his jacket. He licked his thumb and opened up the tome, causing a wave of locusts to come rushing out from its innards. The demon was quick enough to grab one and toss it into his mouth, chewing loudly and spraying locust liquid everywhere as he loomed in on the words before him. “Dark guilds… dark guilds… ah! Here we are,” he said before clearing his throat loudly. “Dark Guilds typically are guilds recognized as active threats to Fiore and Earthland as a whole by the Magic Council. Dark guilds generally align themselves with morals and goals considered evil by wider society, often housing criminals and other individuals that defy public order and law,” he repeated the words of the rule book he had found upon entering the world. His voice changed, taking on the deep bass of a movie announcer as he orated the instructions.
“Defyin’ public order and law is my speciality after all,” he said with a grin as he clapped the book closed and tucked it back into his suit. He licked his hand and pulled it back into his hair, helping the green locks to… well, remain stiff and standing. With a waggle of his eyebrows once more in the direction of the spectral readers, he stepped dramatically… one step into the radically large graveyard full of ominous and terrifying bones and skeletons from fallen monsters.
He stood there, hands tucked at his sides, with a shit-eating grin on his face for a few moments. Then a few more moments. Then a couple of seconds. Then his grin sunk down into a frown. “What the hell? Isn’t this the part in the script where I’m welcomed in grand fashion with booze, drugs and hookers?” he complained, looking skyward to the writer once more.
No answer came.
“Don’t you fucking say ‘no answer came’, I can literally hear you,” Crowlee whined like a child. “Whined like a chi-- okay yeah, I guess that was a bit whiny,” he conceded. “Hey! Elysium guild… characters, er, people. Yeah, people -- that’s what I meant. I’m looking to join your super fun guild or whatever. So uh… come on out. I wouldn’t say no if you brought some hookers along.”
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