Taking A Step Back

Hello everyone,

This topic is to officially state that starting today I will be going on hiatus for a while. Since I am unsure how long it will be, I will use the maximum time allowed before my character is archived, which is three months. If you truly need to reach me, I will be on Discord from time to time during my hiatus, but I cannot guarantee any quick replies. So do not be upset if I do not reply to you in a timely manner. With that, ciao until we meet again.

Update:

Hmm… I am not sure where to start with this update as I was going to try to keep it professional, but I don’t think that will be a good idea at this point in time. But, I will be completely open and honest with it so please endure my ramblings for a bit during this update. I had originally left to cool down a bit and nurse wounds from my latest confrontation with a number of people on the site. During this time, I had originally planned on how to get even with them. But… I started to think why was I mad in the first place? How did it get so bad? As I mused that over, I realized everything they said about the matter was true. I could have done so many things, but I picked the worst option out of them all which just started unnecessary drama. Heck, I could have just joined a guild and ended it there. But I wanted to fight against an authority that doesn’t really exist - rather one that isn’t self-serving - since they are all doing this for free.

So, that led me to thinking more and more about the site and how I felt about it. And truth be told, I truly love this place, but I haven’t acted like I have. Toxic. Inactive. Rude. The list can go on and on about the horrible person I am. But, that led me to think more and more about things that spanned into my real life. Over a month ago, there was an incident with a customer who was rude to me. And I still find myself getting upset whenever I think about it. And that reminded me a bit of the issue with staff. Something small that constantly builds itself up in my head. However, this is just one thing. I started tracking my sleeping schedule too. Most days, I would sleep around 12-14 hours a day. Then stuff that brought me joy at one point, I realized I don’t even enjoy it anymore. Heck, I have 15 games on my ps4, 5 games on my switch, and a library of steam games I have only touched once. The sleeping and the lack of interest had spanned over at least three years. So, I realized there was a problem and I finally decided to speak to a psychologist about these issues since I felt they were more mental than anything.

So, I talked to her about a number of things. Things I am not going into too much detail about since this would extend this update for far too long and I know a lot of people are already annoyed at reading this. At the end of it all, I realized that I have basically been neglecting myself for far too long. So, I am extending this hiatus from three months to indefinite.

However, before I leave… There is something I should have done a while back before I just left.
I am not very good at apologies. But, I want to apologize to members of staff that work so hard to make the site a great place for everyone. It was my stupidity, immaturity, and paranoia, that made your jobs much harder than they should have been. You do all of this for free and I am sure there is a lot of work involved trying to make a system that works for everyone. I want to apologize to the people I got involved in such a matter. It was unnecessary drama that you shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place. And finally, I would like to thank you all for putting up with me for so long. I know I am not the best person, but it meant the world to have your friendship during a number of tough times in my life. Then… until we all meet again, I hope each of you are able to enjoy your time on the site to fullest.

I don't know who this guy that you're talking about is but it certainly isn't the one who I've had so much fun bantering with in the ER chat. The place hasn't been the same since the rules about guests was brought in and I for one I've missed you a lot in there. I hope that you manage to find that spark of joy soon and can focus on the future instead of what has happened in the past.

Take care of yourself, my lewd friend. :)

good luck my dude, i'm glad you've been looking at things more deeply and seeking out professional advice because tbh it really helps a lot, i hope you have the best things in life and whoever gets annoyed reading that when you've thought it through so much and are clearly being genuine (and they could just not read it) is just close minded / an a*shole so don't worry about it uwu

As someone who was rather openly involved in some of the recent confrontations, I think it's only fair that I take some time to reply to this. I am earnestly glad to hear that you were able to get some self reflection out of the hiatus you've had so far. I understand where you're coming from with the anger, as I used to have some pretty severe anger problems when I was a teen. I was never diagnosed with depression at that time, but I went to a therapist about it for a few months and I'm fairly certain it would have eventually been diagnosed if I hadn't found the strength to look at myself and take action to do better for me. It can be exceptionally difficult to find peace enough to step back and just ignore everything else to just focus on yourself and analyze your own behaviors, and then even more difficult to actually step up and try to do something about it. I can and do respect that, and I sincerely hope it leads you to a place where you are happier with yourself and your life.

Don't give up. Take as long as you need. Your mental and emotional health is leagues more important than an RP site or the people on it who aren't a daily part of your real life. I wish you luck, and hope it all works out well for you. We'll all still be around whenever you decide it's time to return.

Good luck, Prince Chaos. May you find your spark soon.

Do take care of yourself. You need it.