[A] Bigger Pain in the Ass

Username: Mercury Arseneault
   Link to Previous Exam: Clicky
   Current Rank: B
   Applying for: A

   Completed Threads:
Breaching the Corsairs (One thread that was turned in as a B rank job and a B rank free form for 2100exp total)

A Tempting Challenge (One thread that was also turned in as a B rank job and a B rank free form for 2100exp total)

Crimson Red Rage (A rank job worth 2750exp)

   Total EXP: 6950 + 1200 (from last exam) = 8150 exp total

   Additional Information: I am happy with either a detailed prompt or just doing personal plot. Surprise me.

Theo, your Ace colleague, walks in with an eyepatch over his left eye and something behind his back.

"Yooo!

Okay so, here's the dealio. There's a cave of wonders in the Unknown Lands, and it's rumored that there's an artifact stone at the center that contains a literal nuke. R&D sent me after it about a month ago. Problem is, the cave from start to finish is full of gloriously shiny things! There are gems and coins and all this gold and silver, and somehow there's this jewelry store light shining on everything to make it that much more enticing! There was even this adorable bear figure carved out of jade that I really, really wanted...oh, and that crown hanging off the throne chair at the top of a tall mound of coins was singing my name-- Ahem, anywho, you can't touch any of that. Only the boom-boom rock, which isn't even shiny. If you do, it tosses you right out into the swamp. I should know...

I feel like I'm forgetting something- OH!"

Theo finally brings his arms around to reveal a squirming, muzzled monkey with its paws encased in jello. He attempts to smile innocently, but the puckered brow betrays his annoyance.

"You'll need this handy-dandy monkey to actually find the center of the cave, but he's a butthole. Not only will he randomly jump off to try and grab stuff and get you kicked out, but he also smells like a Vulcan's outhouse. And he'll scratch you. In the eyes. With his poo-flinging fingers...the infection was not fun. I hate him. Haha!

Sometimes he points the right way, and sometimes he doesn't, but his eyes will always look the way you need to go. Also, you have about ten minutes to get in and out...aaand there's a golden gorilla that jumps out of the treasures sometimes and wants to bash your head in, but you can't directly touch him either because he counts as part of the treasure, too. Good luck!!"

All set! Enjoy!

A Diamond in the Rough

Judging by the tears leaking out of both his good eye and the one hidden under the patch, Theo greatly appreciates the stolen crown that is now resting atop his head. His failure was still his gain, and his smiling mug is certainly not complaining. He doesn't seem to notice or mind that the monkey is missing, and the R&D nerds looming nearby can barely contain their excitement about getting their hands on that nuke stone. Once they are gone, he rushes to Mercury and tries to snuggle her as thanks, nose sniffling in sentimental bliss.

"Thank yooouu, thank you, thank you! I owe you one!"

[Welcome to A rank! :D]