MAKE ME BELIEVE ♦ Izayuki's Exam

A light hum filled the air in the bits of space around her as Izayuki took casual and happy strides down the sunlit streets of Rose Garden. It was midday, but there was a nice breeze sending currents through the air, relaxing everyone around. A few clouds could be seen in the sky, but with the relaxation of the brilliant blue everywhere else, they were hardly anything disconcerting, nor did they herald temporary shade from the sun or promise of showers or storms later on. Instead, the nice weather drove everyone outside, and the Guild Master of Black Rose happily moved along, weaving through the crowds of humans until she found a bit of room to walk.

Today, she had actually assumed full human form. Her silver-furred ears and fluffy tail were nowhere to be scene, and for once, she possessed neatly-trimmed human fingernails and average teeth sans fangs or carnivorous sharpness. One of the reasons she trotted along in such a state again was simply to avoid attention, for once. As much as the yokai usually craved attention, positive or negative, the calming weather and sweet air must have messed her up slightly in the head, even more than usual. The leader of the town's local guild would remain almost anonymous. Typically, people recognized her instantly thanks to her Bakedanuki features, and it had become common knowledge that the master of the guild was not human. She was defined by her fluffy, cute, canine attributes, enough to get people to stop her and hand her various odd jobs, or ask questions. Normally, she did not mind socializing. In most of those instances, however, she would be forced to tell them to file the job into Black Rose formally, instead of going directly to the Guild Master to have it done right then. Such disappointment on their faces was always dismaying to look at, thus, here was a step to avoid it altogether.

As she moved along the smooth and fancy cobblestone of the city of Rose Garden, Izayuki held a very special and amazing thing. It was crispy and had a lovely texture on the outside, lightly coated in rich cinnamon and sugar, and on the inside, it was a perfectly balanced mix of what was sweet and tart-- apples! The miniature apple pie had been cheap, and for once, the Bakedanuki had decided against swindling the humble pastry-maker. It was far too nice of a day for her to fall into her usual habits, after all, and she was not about to spoil the mood of the entire neighborhood just by her somewhat questionable pastime and tendency. The crowds were breaking up a bit, and the young Guild Master could only suppose it was because of the lunchtime rush. Instead of being out on the streets, people were finally settling into a booth or at a table of some restaurant or cafe that served yummy food, or perhaps they were eating a casual meal made at and brought from their homes either off to the sides of the roads, on the benches, or at their own workplaces. Regardless, it was still a happy time, and perhaps she could allow her keen sense of smell to guide her to some place to eat. Then again, who in the entire kingdom of Fiore cooked anything as amazing as Magna, her former teammate, friend, and Ace of Diamonds? Maybe when she returned to Silver Moon Inn, he would offer to make anything she wanted, if she were lucky and if he was up for it. That would be quite a treat!

With her fantasies fresh in her mind, Izayuki finished her tiny apple pie pastry, satisfied, but still feeling twinges of hunger. To the Inn it was~! There was no place like home, after all; wasn't that right?

The happy atmosphere would have continued to be perfect, if there were not that emotional edge that Izayuki felt that was ridden in the air. At first it was easily dismissed and ignored, as if it were absolutely nothing. In fact, as she continued taking her strides and humming a chipper tune to herself, the girl almost missed those faint traces of melancholy leaving scraps of those negative feelings in the air. One who was keen could probably sense it when walking by that alleyway, but people continued to miss the small, sobbing girl.

Though her senses were not nearly as keen in full human form, it was obvious when such sadness was being overlooked by those who were passing by. Izayuki suddenly stopped in her tracks as she gazed across the neat and fancy cobblestone roads of that Rose Garden street. Deviating from her original course, the pink-haired mage began walking towards the small girl. She weaved carefully through the pedestrian traffic, her pink eyes solely focused on the crying child. Why could nobody else see her? Was the guild master really the only one who could see her, or did the people of this town simply not care about others and their problems, even if it was a small, cute, and precious child?

Not able to quite discern whether or not the brown-haired person was a spirit, human, or some other being, Izayuki continued towards the girl, turning the alleyway corner to be standing right beside her at the entrance. She would not stand too close, as to not intimidate the girl, and would slowly crouch down near her in a gentle manner. "Are you okay?" the Black Rose leader would ask soft, with a reassuring and warm smile, hoping to not scare the girl too much. Somehow the girl with mussy, braided, brown hair seemed familiar. The yokai could not figure out how, but something about her was evocative, bringing forth a sense of nostalgia. Despite this, Izayuki decided to not pry so early on, and to continue on delicately and gently with the child.

Izayuki was surprised to find someone who did not speak the common language of Fiore. Were the words she used not spoken in Midi? It was a language that the yokai understood to a degree, though her speaking skills were not the greatest. Okaasan... mother...? Was this child lost?
Either way, the guild master could sense that she was not quite human, or was she? The people passing by continued to fail to notice her. A few people would shoot a casual and unconcerned glance at Izayuki before continuing on their merry way.

The child, however, appeared to remain unnoticed. The crying girl queried as to where 'she' was. From the context, Izayuki guessed it was her mother she was asking about. Her expression remaining warm and curious, the Bakedanuki attempted to put her human hand on the child's head to stroke her hair gently. "Shiranai..." she replied softly in the same language the small girl had spoken in. The pink-haired girl's use of the language was broken at best, but at the very least, she could somewhat understand it. Did the child speak any bit of the common language? She certainly hoped so.

"Daijoubu, nakimasen~" Izayuki attempted to say in a tender whisper, silently praying to whatever thing that control fate that was out there that her usage of the Midian language was correct. "Izayuki desu. Yoroshiku ne," the guild master of Black Rose continued, attempting to introduce herself and gain some information from the girl. "Anato no onamae wa...?"

The girl’s first word was in the Midian language, but it came forward as if it was questioning. Suddenly, however, the small child ceased her crying rather quickly. Too quickly. Izayuki slowly removed her hand from the girl’s head, and blinked in surprise as the girl repeated herself, but not in the foreign language, but the common tongue of Fiore. The yokai slowly backed up and moved upwards slightly from her crouched position near the girl. The child was glaring daggers into her, with more intensity in a gaze than the Black Rose Guildmaster had ever seen before. What kind of dark joke was this?

That was when the girl’s next words hit. She never gave her one… one… a name? How could that be possible? Izayuki had a very intelligent and keen memory; if she had met the person before, surely she would have remembered her. Since when was it her responsibility to name others though? Amid the confusion and complexity of the situation, the pink-haired mage slowly began to feel a strong uneasiness, and took another step back from the brunette girl. Within seconds, the child had vanished in a mist of white smoke, and there in her place stood one who appeared to be just like her, only much older. Was this some form of shapeshifting? At least to Izayuki, that seemed to be the case. “Wha-?” the yokai began, attempting to form a question to throw at the mysterious person in front of her, only to be taken by complete surprise from the speedy and devastating attack from the one in front of her.

A clawed hand would be jabbed directly through Izayuki’s chest. Her attempt to cry out in pain would be met with empty, breathy silence as she found herself unable to even make a sound with the girl’s hand moving straight through her. In response to the pain, the Black Rose wizard would cough up blood before clenching her teeth. Eventually, the girl retracted her arm and allowed Izayuki to fall to her knees and hands. As she expected, her own tanuki features began to form- her silver-furred ears, fluffy tail, fangs, and claws. What was this person rambling about now? She was saying that Izayuki had not loved her enough to name her… but who even was this person? Obviously, she had no name, but what else could really be considered in regards to what questions to ask?

Izayuki directed her Bakedanuki and Wonderland abilities to begin to heal herself, slowly. Most of all, she focused her freezing aura and glacial omnipotence on her blood and the hole that the mysterious girl had made. Her aim was to ensure that she did not lose too much blood, even though the process of using her glacier god slayer powers for that was very agonizing. Clenching her teeth further, the tanuki would glare up at her attacker, lashing her silver tail both from irritation at her confusion, and the pain of her injury. “Who… no... what are you?” she asked, uncertainty filling her voice, no matter how much she tried to hide the trembling. With wide pink eyes, she realized that the scenery around them had changed. No longer were they in Rose Garden, but some plane with an alabaster hued sky. The ground was dark, and dyed a crimson shade of red from the Bakedanuki’s blood. “What is going on?”

Izayuki was unable to focus much on the brown-haired girl amid the pain from her wound and healing it, and from the utter shock from literally everything. The strange new world, the identity of the person before her... all were a mystery to the young Bakedanuki, who was trying desperately to piece everything together in her mind. Her body rushed with adrenaline, and cortisol kept the energy flowing. Eventually the girl reached down and grabbed Izayuki by the throat, and managed to pick her up off of the ground while she was too focused on everything else but the problem before her.

The words... what did they mean? Izayuki gazed at the girl through half closed pink eyes, instinctively reaching her hand up to grasp around her captor's wrist to dig her claws in. It was no attack- it was merely a defensive move thanks to instinct. The tanuki clenched her teeth, attempting to listen to the girl with perked silver-furred ears despite the pain and uncertainty. The brown-haired girl claimed that she was the guild master's creation, but how could that be so? The yokai definitely did not have any kind of life-creating powers, and surely this was not a child of hers... the girl in front of her, gripping her throat, was too old in appearance for that, and Izayuki was still rather young, and not just yet married, only engaged.

Finally, the girl made subtle mention of Izayuki's soul-sensing abilities that she found and had access to from her Wonderland magic. The yokai personally disliked most use of the strange madness-based soul magic, but currently, it seemed as if she had no choice. Focusing her abilities on the girl who had lightly loosened her grasp on the Bakedanuki's neck, Izayuki felt the sudden onrush of the wild emotions of the soul in front of her. Everything was dripping with anger, as if the soul itself had been submerged deep in an ocean of thick and dark wrath. Almost everything was unreadable, except for the smallest traces of information that the Wonderland mage could pick up despite the harsh veil of rage.

But wait... no... it could not be...

It made so much sense, but it simply did not seem right. The soul was very familiar, of course, but something about it was different. Izayuki could barely tell what it was, and dared to look any further with the intense fury within the girl almost reaching out to scald her. "Astrid....?" the tanuki girl asked weakly, her injury from before having almost completely healed, but the sharp hand around her neck weakening her breathing and ability to speak.

Izayuki fell to the ground as the girl let go of her throat, hitting the white and bloodstained surface of that alabaster world hard. She coughed a few times, only just beginning to gain her bearings again. So this was Astrid... when did she gain so much power...?
At least, those were the Bakedanuki's first thoughts. The 'Astrid' in front of her continued, hands on her hips, as those piercing brown eyes remained boring into the pink-haired wizard. Her own pink eyes widened in further surprise as the girl went on. As much as Izayuki did not want to make sense of it, it all was easy to comprehend for the young soul-magic user. "You mean... you are Astrid... but only now you realize you also never really were....?" Izayuki murmured, her mouth agape in a silent gasp. Then, who was that sweet and soft-spoken violinist who she and Elyx and everyone else had come to known? Was that still the person right before her?

The yokai began to try to rise to her feet, but took a step back in surprise and uncertainty as the girl suddenly revealed tanuki features, very similar to her own, only they were naturally brown in fur color. Izayuki's own fur used to be a dark brown before she had been given her glacier god slayer powers. Nevertheless, why was Astrid suddenly showing those? She could not be a Bakedanuki... surely? Activating her Wonderland abilities again, Izayuki tried to peer at Astrid's soul. There was so much anger and wrath shrouding the clear and visible shape of it, yet she attempted to see past the unfathomable rage. At the very core.... her soul was not human at all, indeed. Rather, it was the soul of a yokai- a very irate one at that. "You're... a Bakedanuki?" she asked, slightly aghast at the realization.

By that time, however, Astrid had already continued, stating she was an angered soul who was stuffed in an empty shell, and wanted nothing more to kill her creator; but who was her creator? The answer came as a clawed finger pointed directly at the guild master of Black Rose. The other tanuki's scowl had changed to a grin, but not a warm one, at that. "I'm... not..." Izayuki insisted, taking another step backwards. "How could I be your creator? I have no life-giving powers, and I doubt I'll get any in the future!"

Izayuki insisted further with ferocity in her tone. She was desperate to somehow prove that this was all some sort of dream, or more realistically, a nightmare. Her mind was swimming in confusion, and it was that sort of bewilderment and perplexity that scared the young yokai... this could not be Astrid... this was not her 'creation'... unless it meant...

The Bakedanuki almost did not hear the words and explanation as she turned her head to focus on the spirit behind her. Golden hair, a green dress, blue eyes... just who was the little girl? She had never met or sensed her before, but the tiredness and pain her appearance portrayed almost made Izayuki flinch. It was only seconds later that the words said to her actually began to sink in...

They were saying that the Black Rose guild master was her mother!? How did such a thing even work? The brown-haired girl now seemed to be about Izayuki's age, at least appearance-wise; that, and she had yet to be fully married to Elyx. She was still only engaged, and having children was the last thing on her mind currently. Before the yokai could ask, still gaping in shock, the yellow-haired spirit went on to give a lengthy explanation, which was much needed. Even while she listened, Izayuki was still in denial. How could something like that possibly be true?

A stillborn child... followed by a word that the yokai hardly recognized. The youthful spirit explained further, and as she did so, it began making more and more sense. How could she not recognize it sooner? Naturally, she was quite familiar with reincarnation. While she had never had to make usage of such an ability, fortunately, the knowledge was instinctual. As any yokai, it took energy to become self aware, and for 'Astrid', only when Izayuki had given her that nudge while possessing her body did the 'other' side of the young violinist come to light; and here it was, wreathed in anger and rage directed towards its real mother, who had been unable to bear it.

Izayuki turned her head back to the other tanuki, her pink eyes wide with disbelief. How could anyone take such knowledge? How could one simply just accept such a fact? It led the yokai to almost try to take a hesitant step towards her 'child', but she could not find the will to even move her body properly. Was there hope? Somewhat- it meant that she would be with Elyx even in the future, and now the girl's striking familiar resemblance to her fiance made sense. As for the other news... it meant that her first child would die, and never even be born. How was she supposed to feel about that news? Sad and discouraged, of course, but why could she not even bring herself to shed a single tear of anguish, despair, or even happiness? All she could do was stand and stare, her mind in complete mysterious denial as she released words in the softest whisper. "It can't be true..."

Something inside of Izayuki tightened up as the girl continued to speak, as if a thin and strong wire were being tied and tightened around her core and soul, pushing her uneasiness to a brink, yet amid the denial, what was there to feel? How could she feel sad or any form of sorrow or remorse if she refused to allow herself to do so? Emotion were cruel, and the Glacier God Slayer had become an expert at denying and concealing them, manipulating her own feelings as she wished, to avoid being seen as vulnerable. The times she actually reflected on her real emotions were few and far between, and when it happened, it was usually because something had triggered them. When she had almost killed two of her guildmates and fought Elyx, upon coming out of her yokai and madness-driven rage, she had been left in an unhappy mix of feelings from it all that she could not fight. After all, what else was yokai fury other than having not only emotions blocked out, but reason and logic as well? A purely instinctual mind never left anyone in a good state once they came to their senses. Such a time had been a turning point for the young Bakedanuki.

But what about those happy times? When she had discovered that Jin and Kaya were still alive even after their mysterious disappearances? She remembered her happy tears then... or what about when Elyx had confessed his love for her, and she had done the same for him? Not to mention the actual engagement... such times had stirred Izayuki's emotions and had allowed her to truly feel and reflect on them. Few people had ever been able to do it- to make her acknowledge her heart and what was inside. Usually she wore the same mischievous and perky facade, refusing to get close to anyone. She had become the guild master of Black Rose, but how much did she truly know her guildmates? Or rather... how well did they really know their leader? She seemed consistent on the outside, all while using her general demeanor to not only lure them in, but also to push them away...
Why was she only just now realizing? Why had she never noticed it before?

The happy memories she had felt when she was with her village; a group of humans who had taken her in and showed her their kindness. They had taught her about how to fit into the common society that dominated the world, and with them, she had met Kiru, another young human girl who had become her friend. From Naugrem, she had learned some basic skills like hunting, gathering, and fighting. Such joy was soon shattered, however, as Yukionna, the goddess of the cold, had attacked the village, targeting her mentor and best friend. Nobody was spared, but Izayuki had somehow miraculously survived. The beautiful yet evil goddess had adopted the young tanuki, and had granted her amazing power and unique magic. The training she had been forced through, plus tending to Yukionna's personal wants and needs, and her sadistic nature, had scarred the yokai. She had managed to escape, and temporarily find happiness again, only for it to fade away once again thanks to the ice deity. A neverending cycle, and one Izayuki never thought she would manage to remove herself from. Nevertheless, she eventually had become a member of Black Rose... but what was different?

Surely such memories would take their toll. The trauma would leave a young emotional creature like her in a state of constant terror and depression. Each night she would reflect on the memories, and surely after so long, she would have acted on those thoughts as well. Suddenly, it dawned on her; the reason she had been so distant and detached. She still had her memories, but what was missing was the simple impact that they had on her as a person. Such a notion had been the last thing on Izayuki's mind; she knew that it was a fact, and avoided the reason. Somehow the 'impact' and 'trauma' of her memories had been locked away, safely, to keep them from affecting her mind and mental and emotional state in the present. How such a thing had happened was beyond her, as it was not in her power. It had to have been something else, but that was only a vague silhouette in her hazy past.

As her mind followed her back to the present, where her supposed daughter had grabbed her by the throat and was choking the life out of her, Izayuki suddenly began to realize what was the problem. She narrowed her pink eyes in dismay before she used her flurry transformation ability to turn into a mass of miniature snowflakes and ice fragments, only bound together by cold northern winds. Her ice elemental body removed itself from the painful situation of being strangled, like a dryad, almost, and floated several feet away to stand before Astrid, yet turned slightly off to the side. The Glacier God Slayer began to materialize again, however, her body was not like it was before. She was not the mage with pink eyes and ginger hair neatly dyed pink, but took on her original human body. The yokai now had red eyes and natural brown hair, and was slightly taller than her alternate human form. She still retained her tanuki features- the ears, tail, claws, and fangs, that were still stained silver in fur color thanks to the unholy magic coursing through her veins. Nevertheless, she had managed to shapeshift back into the human form she had originally taken that one clear night when she had first discovered what it meant to be human and to have reason, logic, and emotions.

For years, Izayuki had avoided her natural human form at all costs, as it was where the reactions to her memories were locked away. But in order to face her suffering daughter, naturally, she had to face her own past suffering first, no matter how hard it was. How could she not still be detached and in denial, oblivious to the emotions of her child, if she was still unable to come face to face with her real emotions; not the fake ones she had used to build a fortress against her memories, the world, and any further hardships.
It was painful, feeling the onflow of the treacherous feelings from the past. The memories of the torture, the defilement, the grieving, the loss... it was like agony burning through her head and body. Tears began forming in the Bakedanuki's red eyes as she felt it all rush at her without any mercy. Still, there was something within the bitter mix that she had also blocked away... joy and happiness. Real emotions.

As the emotions continued to flow, Izayuki's mind moved further and further back to the present. She heard her daughter's angered outcries, and felt the aura weigh down on the papery white world around them. The wrath disturbed the memory impact, making it even more painful for the Bakedanuki. Nevertheless, she accepted it and moved her dark crimson gaze back towards Astrid, to meet the other tanuki's brown eyes. What was the thing that countered anger? Why, there were many things. Happiness, joy, patience, and peace... and what had the girl said she specifically wanted? She wanted to achieve peace. Hearing the bitter words and despite already feeling her own warm tears streak her face, Izayuki attempted to wipe them away with her sleeve and continue gazing at Astrid. She mustered as much of her self control as she could, and put on a peaceful and placid expression, feeling an overwhelming presence from some caring source as she slowly brought herself to accept the situation... to accept her daughter.

Slowly, Izayuki took a step forward and began to walk back towards the brunette, brown-furred tanuki with calmness on her face and in her strides. Were Astrid to attack her again, the guild master would try to gracefully and gently dodge and avoid any strikes and continue moving towards the girl. Once she reached her, the Bakedanuki would attempt to wrap her arms around her child in a tender and firm hug. Astrid was not wrong. She had been a terrible mother; she had tortured and bled the girl in a dark alley, intent on killing and feasting on her, when Astrid wanted nothing more than to simply save her little brother. On another occasion, Izayuki had managed to possess Astrid, and despite knowing it, had tormented the musician's little brother once again. All of the bloodshed and violence... and finally denying her daughter's existence and words by saying 'it cannot be true'. It was no wonder that she had managed to breed and ignite so much hatred and anger within the young soul.

"I know... I've taken so much from you, and now because of me you have so much anger, and have been alone without anyone to really care for you and love you. I'm so sorry.... but I don't know if you could ever forgive me for that. First I hurt you, and then I deny you. But I'm not doing that now. Not anymore," Izayuki tried to say, attempting to tighten her embrace around her daughter, feeling a force of fierce protectiveness surge through her, likely triggered by instinct. "But staying angry and killing never brings peace to anyone. It only makes it grow. I have no right to talk, however. If it really will help you achieve peace, you can have my soul and my life. I don't mind... you're my daughter, after all."

She paused for a beat, feeling more tears filling her eyes and falling as she continued to hold onto her child tighter, but not enough to hurt her. "If you do kill me... just... promise me something. Find your father and tell him the truth, and that I said to tell him I love him. Alright, Astrid? Please..." Izayuki pleaded, closing her red eyes and accepting her fate. After all that she had done, her fate could only rest in her daughter's hands, after all. She was not one who was quick to throw her life away, but after realizing the truth of her actions and the monster of anger it had produced, she had to give her child peace somehow. If dying was the answer, she would gladly accept that if it meant her own baby would be happy. Her lips spread to reveal a soft smile as she accepted the idea of the possible fate. Astrid had no reason to show mercy... the choice was entirely up to her as to what would become of her true mother. Heh, Astrid. "You know, Astrid is a pretty name. Your father would agree. I think if you had been born to us, we would have named you Astrid. It's fitting."

The last words were said in a low whisper, as if she had only been speaking to herself, thinking aloud. It was no lie either, nor was it even really meant for the other tanuki's ears. Nevertheless, the words were out there. Who would not be thinking of and picturing the name of their killer during their last moments, after all? Astrid.