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    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Nazaki
    Nazaki

    Player 
    Lineage : None
    Position : None
    Posts : 135
    Guild : Infinity Hydra
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 212.5

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Soul Breaker
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Post by Nazaki 23rd November 2015, 10:16 pm

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Hd6oKEM

    Name: Souruburingā ( Soul Bringer )
    Rank: Legendary+, Legendary, Strong
    Type: Double Edged Scythe
    Description:

    Everywhere you go, you'd undoubtly be in the presence of death itself. Specifically the personification of death known as the Grimm Reaper, a being who feeds of the life sources of humans and is responsible for guiding souls to the next life. The Hanumaru clan are not very fond of its existence but do realize that they are there for a reason. As a result they are the justnin case the Grimm begins to do tjings outside of his job, it is their responsibility to put it in place. Due to clan members of the Hanumaru family having a contract with the Sacred Spirit & the Monkey spirit, Grimm Reaper has nothing on them. Reapers are an extremely rare species of beings with only one existing. Some refer to it as a demon, others refer to it as sorcerers but regardless of what they truly are its powers are not to be taken lightly. Throughout the years, the Hanumaru clan seemed to have never been able to properly track one down, and exterminate it, forcing the elders to deem it as a Devil-Level monster. While God level is are thought to be the strongest tier of monsters, Devil tiered monsters are usually beasts and beings that the Hanumaru clan elders know nothing about. However, the clan recently located a lich deep within the forest located in era, who had been artificially transforming into a Grimm reaper, but had only been able to change into a weaker version, not yet reaching "Grimm" Level.

    After about 4 months of disappearing, Nazaki returned. He knew returning would make his father angry and proud but he knee there were consequences for his actions. His father sent him off to defeat the reaper alone to prove his strength to the clan. Of course Nazaki had no other option so he began his journey. During his fight with the being known as Xazsam, Xazsam had admitted to not yet reaching the level of "Grimm" and had also come to realize that becoming a Grim reaper would take far too long and if there were people that knew he existed then he wasn't safe here. He concluded that he could takeover another being in the meantime one capable of getting stronger. Though Nazaki was no Grimm Reaper, he was the next best thing to Xazsam. Without hesitation he held his scythe and began chanting a spell. One that angered the gods and disrupted the natural flow of earths magma, causing the earth to burn beneath Nazakis feet. The Reaper began the process by entering Zakis body, but he didn't expect him to put up such a fight. In the end, he could not take over his body, instead he merged with him and is now a part of him. This fusion resulted in his Scythe merging with Nazakis blade, creating a weapon far stronger than both.

    Strengths:

    • This Scythe is not at all normal, it is much stronger than other weapons allowing it to deal 25% more damage.
    • The Scythe has two sensory buttons that allow the user to split the blade in to which a soul chain connecting them. This allows for attacks over a 5 meter range.
    • Resists up to damage equivilent to the users rank
    • Due to the user having a soul link with the Scythe, no matter what it cannot be taken from the owner as long as their HP remains above 50%
    • Can be stored in a pocket dimension

    Weaknesses:

    • It's big size slows down the user
    • A large target for spells and other forms of damage
    • Due to the type of weapon it is, when the Scythe is summoned it is never sheathed always leaving it open for attacks.
    • Will need to be fixed/reforged if broken
    • The Weapon can be picked up when the users health is below 50% due to the weakened soul link.
    • Has to be summoned in order to be used


    Passives:
    Passive 1:

    Abilities:
    Ability 1:

    Ability 2:

    Ability 3:


    Last edited by Nazaki on 7th December 2015, 9:57 pm; edited 29 times in total
    Decayuss
    Decayuss

    The Nephilim


    The Nephilim

    Moderator- Knight VIP Status- Regular VIP Status- VIP- Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- God Of Ishgar- Ten Wizard Saint Member- Rising Star- Guild Master- Legal Guild Ace- H-Rank- S-Rank- A-Rank- Rich- Veteran Level 3- Veteran Level 2- Veteran Level 1- Character History!- Magic Application Approved!- Obtain A Secondary Magic!- Get A Pet!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Master [1000]- Senior [500]- Novice [250]- X-Mas Event Participant- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : The True Nephalem
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    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Nephalem Take Over
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Post by Decayuss 24th November 2015, 12:00 pm

    Alright, Deca here and I'm gonna' be grading this stuff.

    Everything looks good except for the second ability, and there is really only one thing wrong with it.

    I think it's a tad bit too powerful to just leave as a passive, and I would put an active duration and Cool Down on it, which would also increase the cost of using it. Also, be sure to specify that the damage that is getting increased is the weapon damage, as "+15% Damage" could mean spell damage, weapon damage, and melee damage all at the same time.

    Bump when you're finished.


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Deacy2
    Take Over Forms:


    Magic
    Character Sheet
    Nazaki
    Nazaki

    Player 
    Lineage : None
    Position : None
    Posts : 135
    Guild : Infinity Hydra
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 212.5

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Soul Breaker
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Post by Nazaki 24th November 2015, 12:07 pm

    Understood & thank you.

    bump.


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Thumb-1920-120122
    "Well, what are you waiting for...Guest?"
    The Mage | The Magic | The Arsenal
    Decayuss
    Decayuss

    The Nephilim


    The Nephilim

    Moderator- Knight VIP Status- Regular VIP Status- VIP- Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- God Of Ishgar- Ten Wizard Saint Member- Rising Star- Guild Master- Legal Guild Ace- H-Rank- S-Rank- A-Rank- Rich- Veteran Level 3- Veteran Level 2- Veteran Level 1- Character History!- Magic Application Approved!- Obtain A Secondary Magic!- Get A Pet!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Master [1000]- Senior [500]- Novice [250]- X-Mas Event Participant- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : The True Nephalem
    Position : None
    Posts : 1836
    Guild : Guildless
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Mentor : N/A
    Experience : 0

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Nephalem Take Over
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Post by Decayuss 24th November 2015, 12:31 pm

    Alright, looks good. Approved.


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Deacy2
    Take Over Forms:


    Magic
    Character Sheet
    Akryn
    Akryn

    Quality Badge Level 1- X-Mas Event Participant- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : Lucifer's Aura
    Position : None
    Posts : 821
    Guild : Guildless
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 33
    Mentor : Thorsfell, Gamara, Vishnu, Cytorakk, Botosai
    Experience : 1625

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Wind Magic
    Second Skill: None
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Post by Akryn 4th December 2015, 9:32 pm

    Unlocked for edits.


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    Prayne de crabug ahm keike rinedere be-yogt iglo kes gron!


    Akryns battle theme

    Spoiler:


    Dramatic moments

    Spoiler:



    "I came into this world, kicking, screaming, and covered in someone elses blood. I have little issue going out the same way."
    Nazaki
    Nazaki

    Player 
    Lineage : None
    Position : None
    Posts : 135
    Guild : Infinity Hydra
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 212.5

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Soul Breaker
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Post by Nazaki 5th December 2015, 5:23 pm

    Bump, and please move to approved weapons when done LOL


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Thumb-1920-120122
    "Well, what are you waiting for...Guest?"
    The Mage | The Magic | The Arsenal
    Mistress Venir
    Mistress Venir

    Administrator- Moderator- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- God Slayer- Legal Guild Ace- A-Rank- Veteran Level 1- Magic Application Approved!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Master [1000]- Senior [500]- Novice [250]- Player 
    Lineage : Archmage's Seal
    Position : None
    Posts : 1394
    Guild : Golden Phoenix
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 24,000

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: 2nd Gen Flame Goddess Slayer
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Post by Mistress Venir 5th December 2015, 8:22 pm

    • For some reason this is in the WIP Magics section but this is a weapon so I am lost as to why it's in here... Not that you put it here or anything but it will be moved to the WIP weapons next time.


    • Please link to where you got each of those weapons/items/etc


    • As you're currently C-Rank you would have C-Rank resistance as weapons, "Ranks with user up to B rank resistance" so once you're B-Rank you can have B-Rank resistance.


    • Your passive is not a passive that is an active ability and simply put that could potentially allow you to avoid an attack every single post which is too much.


    • Active 1: You can have half rank damage on the second post but continuously doing half rank damage is a no as that will add up to a total of damage that is more than your rank, at most it would do rank damage, half rank damage, and then half of half rank damage and duration I would have to ask to not extend as once again you would be dragging out too much damage over too long of course of posts.


    • Active 2: They lose 2HP but you gain 5? That doesn't make much sense, for each HP they lose you should gain roughly the same in my opinion. Besides 5HP per post over the course of 3 posts (is that at D-Rank or is that at C-Rank please be sure to put that on each of your abilities and show the exact scale) is a lot especially if you're hypothetically only draining 1 person. So here's what I propose you gain as much as you drain capping at 5HP per post and the drain is 50% less effective against those of one rank higher, and no effect on 2 and higher.


    • Active 3: More description. How is it defending? What is it doing?




    _____________________________________________________________________________________


    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Tumblr_mwffarIHCR1qbk364o3_500

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Tumblr_mwffarIHCR1qbk364o4_500

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Tumblr_mwffarIHCR1qbk364o5_500

    Jobs:


    When you ask me to do stuff:
    Nazaki
    Nazaki

    Player 
    Lineage : None
    Position : None
    Posts : 135
    Guild : Infinity Hydra
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 212.5

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Soul Breaker
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Post by Nazaki 5th December 2015, 9:28 pm



    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Thumb-1920-120122
    "Well, what are you waiting for...Guest?"
    The Mage | The Magic | The Arsenal
    Nazaki
    Nazaki

    Player 
    Lineage : None
    Position : None
    Posts : 135
    Guild : Infinity Hydra
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 212.5

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Soul Breaker
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Post by Nazaki 7th December 2015, 6:38 am

    Bump


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Thumb-1920-120122
    "Well, what are you waiting for...Guest?"
    The Mage | The Magic | The Arsenal
    Mistress Venir
    Mistress Venir

    Administrator- Moderator- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- God Slayer- Legal Guild Ace- A-Rank- Veteran Level 1- Magic Application Approved!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Master [1000]- Senior [500]- Novice [250]- Player 
    Lineage : Archmage's Seal
    Position : None
    Posts : 1394
    Guild : Golden Phoenix
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 24,000

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: 2nd Gen Flame Goddess Slayer
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Post by Mistress Venir 7th December 2015, 9:09 pm

    • Also gonna start this off with: If you ask/have one person grading an app do not ask another mod to grade it as well >o< It created quite a bit of confusion between Hika and I. I understand if you asked at the same time or one beforehand but please inform one or the other that you already have someone else on it.

    • Passive: Might as well start this off with some good news, you can regen 7HP per post with the 4 Post duration/5 Cooldown.

    • First Active: The real issue with the way you scaled/set up this ability is the damage over post thing. When you hit B-Rank the duration lasts an extra 2 posts and the damage is upped to 10 per post (at the start of the 3rd post, also note that you said it increases by 5 every rank after C but it's only going to increase by 5 one time considering this ability caps at B-Rank...) so that total damage would =
      B-Rank damage - 60 HP
      Half Rank damage - 30 HP
      10 damage x 3 - 30 HP

      Total damage = 120 HP = Between S almost H-Rank damage


    • Second Active: Same problem as before, so you're taking away 5HP from enemies and now you're getting 5HP your self and then another 5 for your weapon? It doesn't make sense plus once again your scaling will be putting you into damage that is way beyond your rank with the really long duration for instance at B-Rank:

      B-Rank damage - 60 HP
      9 damage x 7 (I believe that was the duration it would be for B-Rank) - 63 HP

      Total damage to enemy = 123 HP which is between S and H-rank damage
      Total HP recovered to you = 63 HP
      Total HP to weapon = 63 HP
      Total regen = 126 HP which is about is recovering from a little over an S-Rank in damage (divided between you and your weapon)


    • Active 3: The Cooldown will have to scale with rank (+1 post per rank most likely)


    _____________________________________________________________________________________


    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Tumblr_mwffarIHCR1qbk364o3_500

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Tumblr_mwffarIHCR1qbk364o4_500

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Tumblr_mwffarIHCR1qbk364o5_500

    Jobs:


    When you ask me to do stuff:
    Nazaki
    Nazaki

    Player 
    Lineage : None
    Position : None
    Posts : 135
    Guild : Infinity Hydra
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 212.5

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Soul Breaker
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Post by Nazaki 7th December 2015, 9:57 pm

    Got it. Thanks Ven, I appreciate it <3 Bump.


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Thumb-1920-120122
    "Well, what are you waiting for...Guest?"
    The Mage | The Magic | The Arsenal
    Mistress Venir
    Mistress Venir

    Administrator- Moderator- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- God Slayer- Legal Guild Ace- A-Rank- Veteran Level 1- Magic Application Approved!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Master [1000]- Senior [500]- Novice [250]- Player 
    Lineage : Archmage's Seal
    Position : None
    Posts : 1394
    Guild : Golden Phoenix
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 24,000

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: 2nd Gen Flame Goddess Slayer
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga

    Post by Mistress Venir 7th December 2015, 10:04 pm

    The way it is now with the 2 is fine I think. I wouldn't say reading it wrong XD There was just some miscommunication. The main issue is the way you were wording these DoT posts for example:

    I believe what you intended was: Rank damage, half damage, and then over the course of 3 posts it would deal 10 damage at B-Rank.

    The way you worded it was: The opponent suffers half rank damage for the second post, and 5 damage (increases by 5 every rank after C) every post after that. When you put it that way it sounds like you're dealing 10 damage every post after that so 10 damage x 3 posts = 30.

    A better way to word it for dummies like me would be 10 damage over the course of 3 posts or divided amongst 3 posts and so on.

    It's fine I've had more rude/sassy, I'm not pissy yet and haven't gotten offended either so you're still in the clear ^o^ (Unless of course you were trying to be mean/sassy in which case I request that you try harder sir as I have a heart of stone it takes a lot to make me mad sorta)

    Anyways now that this dummy isn't confused anymore, thanks for dealing with silly old slow poke me and being such a sweetheart about it ^o^:

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga HfOLxY4


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    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Tumblr_mwffarIHCR1qbk364o3_500

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Tumblr_mwffarIHCR1qbk364o4_500

    Nazaki Hanumaru | Souruburinga Tumblr_mwffarIHCR1qbk364o5_500

    Jobs:


    When you ask me to do stuff:

      Current date/time is 21st November 2024, 2:03 pm