Second Guessing [Job]

Spoiler:

”Would you care to explain yourself this time, Mr. Heiser?”

Nobody would suspect the lax pair to be a mage on the hunt and a convict recently broken from prison. This day was far too serene for dramatics as birds chirped and chased one another through the skies at their leisure. One could hear the hustle and bustle of the main city streets even from the more residential ones they resided in, though from this distance it provided a more calming atmosphere than the chaotic one being in the thick of things would’ve been. On a day such as this one could gaze up at the fluffy white clouds and spend hours finding shapes and concocting stories for the heavenly beings without a care in the world.

Rather than spending her time doing something more pleasing Mao sat upon a slightly sun-warmed stone wall, legs occasionally swinging of their own accord, and in the company of a man who should’ve still been behind bars. She’d tracked him down months ago no less, so to hear that he’d broken free and started roaming the streets again immediately gained the woman’s attention. ’For someone who mostly provides good behavior this is becoming a bad habit of his.’ The guards – when she questioned them – couldn’t fathom what brought it on this time. He’d been a model inmate (again, as per usual) right up until spontaneously breaking out – and they still couldn’t figure out how he managed to do so either time.

’If they’re not careful it’ll become a habit,’ she mulled, and thus lead to the desire to know why. Why would a man who’s sentence got cut here and there for good behavior suddenly break the streak not only once, but twice? They’d only add further time and he’d seen the little girl mere months ago. Did that fail to quench his thirst? What sort of doubts or curiosities surfaced to provoke him into action?

”It is not something so easily explained, my dear.”

”Enlighten me anyway: I’m curious.”

Normally she wouldn’t take on such a commanding stance, though her tone came out light, but Mao couldn’t bring herself to make it a mere suggestion. What drove this man to action?

The haunted look that once caused the man to look more like a walking zombie than a loving husband had diminished since she last saw him. If anything he appeared healthier, perhaps using some of his free time on the sporting equipment they kept around to occupy the inmates and give them a little exercise. Before his eating was static at best, but the guards mentioned he’d regained some sort of will to live and returned to a more appropriate meal regimen. So what changed in his renewed zest for life?

He sighed, shaggy bangs dancing in one of many gentle breezes. The beautiful weather wasn’t far off from Mao’s personal pleasures, the sun partially hidden behind those fluffy white structures above and temperature cool, and while she would’ve appreciated more clouds at least the heat remained subdued. She watched the man who leaned against the same, thick stone wall she sat atop, her knees level with his head, and his arms crossed. It was easy to tell that his attention returned to the little girl playing in the yard a few houses down, going about her activities without the slightest realization her father observed with a forlorn sort of happiness.

”I…am filled with doubt. Doubt if they will welcome me back.” Her eyes remained trained on the high roofed buildings and the very blue sky, catching a pair of flittering birds as the man spoke. Mao would offer him at least the privacy of listening and not watching as he continued. ”When they locked me up my daughter was a mere babe, capable of little more than crying for words and wriggling for attention. I…a part of me also fears, fears of the violence I may bring with me upon my return. I’ve tried to convince myself that he deserved it – and more for what he’s done – but what right do I have to judge? Some part of me continues to seethe about the injustice he’s done, of what he might do unto others, and it scares me. What if this darkness continues to grow into something else?”

He paused, perhaps catching his breath, maybe further collecting scrambling thoughts Mao held no right to say. Instead she merely offered him the peace and time to gather them back up as he heaved another calming sigh, ”These doubts of who I am and what I’m capable of continue to swirl and leave me wondering: are they better without me? Most of me is sure that my wife still trusts me, still loves me, but I never knew what they told her either and so…I fret what she thinks of me now. What will she tell our daughter when she questions where her father is? Has she already asked? It is…the most basic fear of all humanity, of a creature designed for companionship and to move in groups: the fear of rejection. No matter what I cannot erase it, and it gnaws at my soul even as I tried to right my body from the downward spiral I let it fall. I….do not know what to do.”

The final part the man admitted in a whisper, yet no less audible to the mage as she kicked her feet out again. ”There are no answers for you,” she finally murmured, the words only for him, ”the only true way to confront one’s fears is to face them, though I do not believe today is the day to do it. You’ve already realized you still need to grow stronger, so I think…if you will have my thoughts, that you must allow yourself more time. There are those that still believe in you: I talked to them before. But ultimately…at the same time…everything is still up to you. Regardless of your strength, what becomes of your life down the road is entirely up to you.”

Those clear green eyes finally turned to him, the clouded blue swimming with a small and rekindled light.

”But if you seek your answers in a more timely manner I would suggest ceasing your escapee habits. Use this scene of serenity when you next begin to doubt yourself and hold onto it, otherwise you’ll merely continue to delay your life. Life….would be such a sad thing to waste.”

Silence reigned between them for a few minutes before Kale snorted, pushing himself off the wall, ”I suppose we’d better go back then. The longer I’m free the longer they’ll keep me. And…” he paused, his back still to the short mage, ”thank you…for hearing me out.”