[JOB] Funny Business

Job: Funny Business
Rank: D
Player Requirements: D-rank and above.
Job Requirements: Minimum of 5 posts of 150 words per character. Must include a minimum of 5 jokes which needs to be of good quality.
Job Location: Magnolia
Job Description: A stand in for a comedy act is required as their main star got sick and is unable to come in. That is where you come in, the nightclub has been having a constant stream of bad luck recently and this show is its last chance for it to gain some business again. Make customers laugh and save this business from collapse.
Reward: 500 Jewels

"Are you a booger? Because I'd pick you first!" Ba dum, tsssss.

No one laughed at that but Roxas fretted not. A little challenge would provide of him to have some entertainment. He took the job not because of the fact that it would entertain his targets but himself as well. Though he wouldn't show it.

Just a few hours back, Roxas had just gotten back from Era after completing a job in which he was to locate a man who ditched the gates of prison. An escaped convict but a funny one at that. He ditched to see his family for a few minutes and Roxas found him as soon as he visited only his family, asking him if he was ready to leave. It was dumb and mean, but it was his job and Roxas would spare no one who got in the ways of his cookies and the love for them.

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All in all, he first joke was overall horrible. And he understood that much. But Roxas was simply getting a feel of his environment. Now truly aware of the children all around, he would begin cracking his jokes. "Alright, fine, I'll tell you all the story of Fetus."

From the distance he could hear the librarian spit her coffee at the mere mention of the word; Fetus.

"Now listen close, as I can only tell this story once."

"Sir, why can you only tell it once?" the girl would say. The boy next to her would comment the same, "Is it a special story?"

"Yes." He would say, "Fetus is the name of the mighiest warrior puppy." he would pause yet again, to stare back at the faces of the young demon children. Two of them would raise their hands, and he would not respond to them.

"In another world, there lived a family of pups. They were a mixed breed, all of them small and weak. They were placed into a box beside a convenience store. In that box sat seven puppies, and on the side of the box was the word "FREE".

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"One by one, each day passed. One by one each puppy was taken by a small child, just like you all. When a week passed, the smallest of the puppies was left alone.

The puppy sat in that box by himself. His brothers and sisters were taken away into nice warm homes, while he sat in his box alone. Days turned into weeks. The sun turned into the moon, the clouds began to rain. And soon, the puppy didn't even have a box.

It was then that the young pup ripped through the wet cardboard and went to venture into the world. Then he-"

"Why is his name Fetus?"
"Does he find a home?"
"Does he die?"
"I have to potty."
"What?"

He would facepalm at the questions. Just when he was getting to the good part, the story was ruined yet again.

"Puppy lived on his own. Man found puppy. Man named puppy Fetus because he was so small. The end."

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"YAY!"
"Yay Fetus!"

His peasants were easily amused. But he figured he would tell at least one good story... completely.

"Well, now everyone stay silent. I'm going to tell you the legend of the great Body Snatcher." The children remained silent, as if stunned by a spell. Now, let's see how that story goes...

Long ago in a faraway land,
There lived a man with an open mind.
This man had no name, only a dream,
And this is the story of what he did find.

There was someone who made a wish,
Their wish was to live forever.
But to grant the wish was a price,
And she had to murder her own brother...

For a moment the library stood still as all eyes fell on the girl. Even the librarian popped her head through an isle of books to see where the words came from. And so... he continued.

"With a knife the girl smiled wide,
With her blade she pierced his beating chest.
He would spit up blood, as his sister smiled,
She would life forever and show she was best.

She would lick the blood on her weapon,
Her sibling would lay dead before her.
Her wish was granted, and so she lived,
And soon the world would bow to her.

Granted the gift of life, she wanted the opposite,
And so she went to find her mother.
She would come home to find her parent
And she would murder her just like her brother.

Even so, the girl did not stop, for she was invincible.
She would walk the streets with her knife in hand.
She would kill another ruthlessly...
And she would rule the land.

She would go on to-"

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"STORY TIME IS OVER." The librarian interrupted. She jumped out from the books. The parents seemed to look right at her, but she insisted, "This isn't what it looks..."


She would take the hand of the spiky blonde haired man, and she would pull her from her seat. She would give him a bag of money and push him away, making him drag his feet. "But I wasn't done." the blonde boy had said, "It was just getting fun..."

"I don't care," the woman said, "Your job is done." She would push him to the door, and insist he leave. To which the blonde would comply. It was such a shame, really.

"What a shame." he'd say to himself... "I didn't even get to say what happened when she died."

And so the walk home would continue. At least, on the brightest of the bright sides, the place was saved from extinction.

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