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• Patch Notes •                 • New User Guide •                • Guild Information •

    Akane Registration

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    Tatania

    1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : None
    Position : None
    Posts : 4
    Guild : Eclipse Soul
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Mentor : Renji Kuchiki (deceased)
    Experience : 0

    Character Sheet
    First Skill:
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Akane Registration  Empty Akane Registration

    Post by Tatania 11th May 2014, 4:14 pm

    Name: Akane Kishida
    Gender: Female
    Age: 17
    Birthday: Jun 28
    Sexuality:Straight
    Special Characteristics: A tattoo on her right thigh

    [b]Personality:
    Can be a nice person. She's also very open. However, when she's mean, it's like she's another person. Her attitude toward evil people is hatred and toward good people it is nice. She is good when it comes to listening to others problems and helping them get through it. She is good under a leader but not being leader. She can be mean to people when she is depressed or stressed.
    Likes: Likes to hang out with friends. Likes to swim. Likes to run.
    Dislikes: Evil people who try to hurt her friends. People who hurt her or her family. Doesn't like people who talk about people behind their backs.
    Motivations: Her Family and Friends. Her swim team. Her Track team.
    Fears: People who kill for money. People who others. People who are obsessed with power.

    General Appearance very pretty, tall, and skinny.
    Height: 5"5'
    Weight: 100 pounds
    Hair:Dark curly hair
    Eyes: Dark blue
    Skin Tone: Tam
    Appearance: a mini skirt and a t-shirt
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    Guest
    Guest

    Akane Registration  Empty Re: Akane Registration

    Post by Guest 12th May 2014, 2:00 am

    Hey Tatania, thank you for using the posting template this time around =]

    First of all before I get started, I'd like to ask that you find a smaller avatar as yours is clearly blocking some of your form, which makes it difficult to read and review it. The maximum width is 180 pixels. Most avatars are around 180x300 (width x height), so this would be a good size for yours.

    Now onto your form. There are a few things that need fixing, but it's definitely more full now.

    Your personality must be a minimum of 500 words. While this may seem very VERY difficult, it can be made easier if you use other parts of your form, or even your magic idea, in order to build upon it. For example, why does she dislike people who are obsessed with power? Has she had experience with such people? Little things like this can help to build up and fluff up your personality. Feel free to ask others for ideas on what to add to your personality, or to check out other member's forms in the Approved Characters forum.

    For your fears, motivations etc. could you bullet point them individually please? This just makes them a little easier to read =]

    Finally there's the appearance. You don't need to put anything next to General Appearance as that will go into your Appearance a little further down.

    Your appearance needs a little bit of work as well. Describe Akane's clothing a little more, perhaps throwing in why she wears those clothes in particular. Also, Dark Curly Hair doesn't really describe it all too well. What colour is it? Does she usually have it up or loose?

    You're also missing your guild info at the moment. Just copy that part of the template and edit it into your first post (there's an edit button at the bottom of your post to do that.)

    Make a bump post in this thread once your edits are done and I will come and re-review it. PM me if you have any questions whatsoever =]

      Current date/time is 13th November 2024, 11:49 pm