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    Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    sworbet
    sworbet

    Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- God Slayer- Magic Application Approved!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Novice [250]- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : Ice Cold
    Position : None
    Posts : 488
    Guild : Blue Pegasus
    Cosmic Coins : 105
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 26
    Mentor : Aphophis the Snake God of Chaos
    Experience : 1944

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Priestess of War
    Second Skill: -
    Third Skill:

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Empty Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    Post by sworbet 3rd May 2014, 2:31 pm

    Magic

    Primary Magic: Vanguard Soul Call
    Secondary Magic: None
    Caster or Holder: Holder
    Description:
    After being accepted into the Suzugamori family, pieces of Veona’s life slowly got arranged and at the age of nine, she started growing bored of the everyday life. Ren clearly had noticed the girl’s growing indifference to everything and everyone, so he decided to do something that his parents wouldn’t approve- He taught her Vanguard Soul Call magic. Vanguard Soul Call was a type of summoning magic which was based on the living spirits of creatures in the form of cards, it allows the user to call upon the soul of the card to fight for or alongside the beholder. This specific type of magic is based on a card game  Ren and his friends love playing so they  taught Veona about it and got her addicted, making this a part of her everyday life. She found the game very fun so when Ren taught her about the actual summoning technique she didn’t sleep several days in attempt to master it, even at one of its weakest levels.
    Veona uses the Vanguard Soul Call magic to summon spirits to aid her in battle. The spirits are from several different clans and have several different abilities however they normally don’t mix well together so they don’t allow her to call more the one at a time unless they’re from the same clan.  She uses her magic to heal herself or her allies after a battle or to fight along side them.

    Strengths:
    • Single target focus - can strongly focus on finding the weaknesses of 1 unit
    • The holder doesn’t have to get hurt - no need for her to get in the middle of the battle.
    • A number advantage of two vs. one

    Weaknesses:
    • Only one creature can be summoned at a time unless the creatures are from the same clan
    • Wastes energy fast
    • Can’t be used without the cards

    Abilities/Powers:
    • Healing Allies
    • Telepathic speaking with creatures when they’re in card form
    • Can talk to the spirits when their out of the cards even if not all of them are human


    Spell Template


    Name: Yggdrasil Maiden Elaine
    Rank: D
    Type: Summoning/Healing
    Description: Yggdrasil Maiden Elaine is summoned for 3 posts to heal a single ally of choice. She is a small fairy who comes from the Royal Paladin clan and is able to heal minor wounds and find a cure for weak poisons. Doesn't deal damage but heals for 10%. Can take 2 C-rank spell hits and 4 D-rank spell hits.
    Strengths:
    • Can heal - can tend to wounds
    • Is small and difficult to target - She's a fairy
    • Can find cures for weak poisons- Fairies tend to know their way with herbs
    Weaknesses:
    • Is only single target - can't heal more than one unit because she isn't strong enough to.
    • Can only heal small wounds- is a low level unit.
    • The cooldown is 6 posts

    • Duration is 3 posts


    Spoiler:

    Name:  Zappbau
    Rank: D
    Type: Summoning/Offensive
    Description:
    Zappbau is summoned for 3 posts to chase down and scratch or bite a single enemy. The robotic dog comes from the Shadow Paladin clan and is always ready to rip enemies, or friends into pieces. Deals 11% damage per hit. Can take 3 C-rank spell hits and 4 D-rank spell hits.
    Strengths:
    • Strong single target chasing down potential - Can smell the target from a long distance
    • Strong sense of smell- Most dogs are like that
    • Claws and Bite that hurt when being impaled by- it's a robo-dog
    Weaknesses:
    • Can be targeted down easily - runs by patterns, it's a robot after all
    • Too fast to track down at times when running- can be lost by its owner
    • Cooldown of 6 posts

    • Duration is 3 posts

    Spoiler:

    Name: Fever Therapy Nurse
    Rank: C
    Type: Summoning/ Healing
    Description: Fever Therapy Nurse is summoned to heal a single target. A female angel from the Angel feather clan who flies around always ready to help a person in need. Doesn't deal damage but heals for 10%. Can take 2 C-rank spell hits and 3 D-rank spell hits.
    Strengths:
    • Can heal- can tend to wounds, she's a medical angel after all
    • Moves fast because she can fly- she's an angel and has wings
    • Can cure fevers or minor sicknesses- is a nurse

    Weaknesses:
    • Is easy to hit due to her big size- she is human-sized
    • Can only heal minor injuries and sicknesses- is a rather weak unit
    • Cooldown of 6 posts

    • Duration is 3 posts


    Spoiler:

    Name: Dark Queen of Nightmareland
    Rank: D
    Type: Summoning/Offensive
    Description: The Dark Queen of Nightmareland is a human unit of the Dark Irregulars clan which attacks with her whip. She has strong single target damage and a range of 10 feet and is summoned for 3 posts. Deals 11% damage per hit. Can take 3 C-rank spell hits and 5 D-rank Spell hits.
    Strengths:
    • Strong single target damage-
    • Has no problem with injuring anyone- she's evil
    • Very loyal- would never listen to anyone but her owner
    Weaknesses:
    • Has range- only 10 feet of whip range.
    • Has an opinion of her own at times- doesn't always do what her owner wants
    • Cooldown of 6 posts

    • Duration is 3 posts


    Spoiler:


    Name: Goddess of the Crescent Moon Tsukuyomi
    Rank: C
    Type: Summoning/Offence
    Description: The young goddess of the moon who’s strength grows along with that of its owner, she attacks with range of 20 ft. She stays on the field for 5 posts and fights a long side other units from the Oracle Think Thank clan. Deals 20% damage per hit. Can take 3 C-rank spell hits and 6 D-rank spell hits.
    Strengths:
    • Energy attacks which have a range of 20 ft.- she attacks with light energy which only reaches that far
    • Always stays close to the summoner to make sure she can intercept- she is very protective of her master
    • Can dodge long ranged attacks easily - she's small and nimble
    Weaknesses:
    • She barely speaks so it’s hard to communicate
    • Bad at close combat- uses energy to attack from a long range, has no strong physical abilities
    • 10 posts of cooldown

    • Duration is 5 posts


    Spoiler:

    Name: Dark Metal Bicorn
    Rank: C
    Type: Summoning/ Offensive
    Description: A unit which comes from the Pale Moon clan and is always ready to put on an amazing performance for all spectators. When summoned it stays on the field for 5 posts and can jump up to 5 feet of height. Deals 18% of damage per hit. Can take 4 D-rank Spell hits and 6 D-rank spell hits.
    Strengths:
    • Is fast- its a ram, it's rather fast when charging
    • Can jump up 5 feet into the air
    • Is rather tanky- has thick skin
    Weaknesses:
    • Chases anything red even though it isn’t a bull- can get distracted
    • Doesn’t listen to the summoner much- has an opinion of it's own
    • Has a cooldown of 10 posts

    • Duration is 5 posts

    Spoiler:

    Name: Blue Storm Marine General Hermes
    Rank: C
    Type: Summoning/Offensive
    Description: A unit of a boy from the Aqua Force clan who has a range of 25 ft. with a handgun. He is summoned for 5 posts before going on cooldown. Deals 18% of damage per hit. Can take 3 C-rank spell hits and 5 D-rank Spell hits.
    Strengths:  
    • Long ranged fights- he uses guns
    • Very strong when fighting in water- comes from the aqua force clan
    • Can swim very well- comes from the aqua force clan
    Weaknesses:
    • Weak at close range- has no melee skills
    • Does not like being summoned out of the ocean- feels like he's out of his comfort zone
    • Has a cooldown of 10 posts

    • Duration is 5 posts


    Spoiler:


    Last edited by sworbet on 5th May 2014, 2:43 am; edited 10 times in total


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    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Swor5_by_gramcrackers-d9qeara
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    Guest

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Empty Re: Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    Post by Guest 4th May 2014, 12:07 am

    Not to sound harsh, but the following are missing from all of your spells:

    - Durations
    - Measurements
    - Quantities
    - Percentages for Damage

    Also, you need to enlist abilities that your magic generally grants through all of your spells so we get an idea on what it's about. Make these changes, then reply for a second review.
    sworbet
    sworbet

    Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- God Slayer- Magic Application Approved!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Novice [250]- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : Ice Cold
    Position : None
    Posts : 488
    Guild : Blue Pegasus
    Cosmic Coins : 105
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 26
    Mentor : Aphophis the Snake God of Chaos
    Experience : 1944

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Priestess of War
    Second Skill: -
    Third Skill:

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Empty Re: Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    Post by sworbet 4th May 2014, 4:51 am

    - Done
    - Attack Range is in the description other measurements aren't possible
    - Always 1, should be obvious
    - Done

    -Done


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Swor5_by_gramcrackers-d9qeara
    avatar
    Guest
    Guest

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Empty Re: Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    Post by Guest 4th May 2014, 8:49 am

    Reformat your templates so the durations are in the weaknesses, and the damage is in the description. Also, elaborate on such things as "fast" and "eyes of a hawk."

    Reply for another review after these changes are made
    sworbet
    sworbet

    Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- God Slayer- Magic Application Approved!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Novice [250]- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : Ice Cold
    Position : None
    Posts : 488
    Guild : Blue Pegasus
    Cosmic Coins : 105
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 26
    Mentor : Aphophis the Snake God of Chaos
    Experience : 1944

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Priestess of War
    Second Skill: -
    Third Skill:

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Empty Re: Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    Post by sworbet 4th May 2014, 10:10 am

    Done, I hope now its okay


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Swor5_by_gramcrackers-d9qeara
    avatar
    Guest
    Guest

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Empty Re: Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    Post by Guest 4th May 2014, 10:14 am

    Durations are still not in your weaknesses. Your template should not look any different than the one given to you before you register your magic (aside from filling it in)
    sworbet
    sworbet

    Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- God Slayer- Magic Application Approved!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Novice [250]- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : Ice Cold
    Position : None
    Posts : 488
    Guild : Blue Pegasus
    Cosmic Coins : 105
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 26
    Mentor : Aphophis the Snake God of Chaos
    Experience : 1944

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Priestess of War
    Second Skill: -
    Third Skill:

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Empty Re: Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    Post by sworbet 4th May 2014, 10:17 am

    now they are, but they go a row down for some reason


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Swor5_by_gramcrackers-d9qeara
    avatar
    Guest
    Guest

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Empty Re: Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    Post by Guest 4th May 2014, 10:56 am

    I recommend you increase the damage of some attacks so they do D-Ranked damage (that's all you need to state). After this change is made, your app will most likely be approved.
    sworbet
    sworbet

    Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- God Slayer- Magic Application Approved!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Novice [250]- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : Ice Cold
    Position : None
    Posts : 488
    Guild : Blue Pegasus
    Cosmic Coins : 105
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 26
    Mentor : Aphophis the Snake God of Chaos
    Experience : 1944

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Priestess of War
    Second Skill: -
    Third Skill:

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Empty Re: Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    Post by sworbet 4th May 2014, 11:18 am

    I hope this is better ^^


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Swor5_by_gramcrackers-d9qeara
    avatar
    Guest
    Guest

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Empty Re: Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    Post by Guest 5th May 2014, 1:19 am

    Your application is still very broad. Look over your spells and give percentages and measurements to anything necessary. One is definitely your healing capabilities. Do this, and your application is approved.

    Also, provide evidence behind all of your strengths and weaknesses.
    sworbet
    sworbet

    Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- God Slayer- Magic Application Approved!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Novice [250]- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : Ice Cold
    Position : None
    Posts : 488
    Guild : Blue Pegasus
    Cosmic Coins : 105
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 26
    Mentor : Aphophis the Snake God of Chaos
    Experience : 1944

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Priestess of War
    Second Skill: -
    Third Skill:

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Empty Re: Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    Post by sworbet 5th May 2014, 2:44 am

    Done, i hope/ believe


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Swor5_by_gramcrackers-d9qeara
    avatar
    Guest
    Guest

    Vanguard Soul Call Magic Empty Re: Vanguard Soul Call Magic

    Post by Guest 5th May 2014, 2:49 am

    Approved! Have fun with your magic!

      Current date/time is 21st November 2024, 9:57 pm