Shawn King

Name: Shawn King
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Birthday: December 15
Sexuality: Straight
Special Characteristics: None

Personality: Shawn is a very calm person who rarely shows any emotions and maintains a serious face. Shawn also hates to talk about pointless things and doesn't really talk unless it is important. He has no trouble with following orders and believes that they separate humans from animals. He usually likes being by himself but sometimes enjoys being around his friends. He mainly does so to not offend them, but when he's by himself, he usually trains. Shawn believes that fighting someone weaker than himself is a waste of time and will only challenge or accept the challenge of stronger opponents.
Likes: Reading,Training,watching others fight,getting in fights and causing trouble strong people
Dislikes: Lazy people,people who talks a lot of trash, and people who eat a lot, picking on weaker people
Motivations:Finding strong opponents to challenge so he can become stronger,and improving his skills as a wizard.
Fears: He's extremely afraid of snakes, and spiders

General Appearance

Spoiler:

Height:6'3
Weight:135
Hair:White
Eyes:Blue
Skin Tone: Dark Skin
Appearance: Shawn is a dark fair skinned man with very muscled tone body, he has with white spiked hair. He wears a Long Blue coat with a few designs on it, the jacket is also covered with battle damage from resent fights. Under the jacket he's completely shirtless, he wears blue jean pants and long boots coming up to the tip of his knees.

Guild/Council

Guild: Raven Tail
Tattoo: Center of his Chest(Pink)
Rank: B

-Please fix the spacing of your app.

Ex: You have Name:Shawn King while it should be
Name: Shawn King


Bump when edited.

bump

Let's get to grammar now.

- "Strait" should be spelt "Straight"

- "He's extreme afraid of snakes, and spiders" that should be "He's extremely afraid of snakes and spiders"

- "the jacket is also covered with battle damage from resent fights. Under the jacket he's completely shirtless, he wears blue jean pants and long boots coming up to the tip of his knees." (Fix and add the things in red.)

-Please add more to motivations. Add the color of his guild tattoo. Also add more to personality.

Bump when edited

Bump
changes made whats next?

Your grammar. Can you make it better? I see nothing else wrong other than your grammar.

What's wrong with my grammar?

"Shawn also hates to talk about pointless things and such doesn't really talk unless it's going to lead up to something. Shawn also has no trouble with following orders he believes it separates us from animals."

I think this is what Xana means, the fact that you have he hates to talk about pointless things, and then just divert to something irrelevant without a proper connecting word. Try this, "Shawn hates to talk about pointless things, and as such, doesn't talk all that much unless it is going to lead up to something. Shawn has no trouble following orders he believes in, as long as it separates us from the primal animal within ourselves."

Unlike Shin or Xana, I am not a mod, but I believe this is what he is referring too, so try to find similar mishaps in your app and try to find a better way to fully explain what you are trying to get across for the point of your character. That, and commas, semi-colons, colons, and dash lines/hyphens make so much more use to help get that break in for the reader, helps connect flow better.

thanks Night

Here's a revised version of your character's personality.

Shawn is a very calm person who rarely shows any emotions and maintains a serious face. Shawn also hates to talk about pointless things and doesn't really talk unless it is important. He has no trouble with following orders and believes that they separate humans from animals. He usually likes being by himself but sometimes enjoys being around his friends. He mainly does so to not offend them, but when he's by himself, he usually trains. Shawn believes that fighting someone weaker than himself is a waste of time and will only challenge or accept the challenge of stronger opponents.

I highly recommend that you drop by my thread in the Beginner's section and follow my instructions. Just fix this up and you're golden man.

Thanks it's never to late to have a grammar lesson

AIGHT MAN. YOU ARE APPROVED! Just make your magic and you're good to go!

I'm sorry but you haven't applied for an A Rank in the Position Registration Thread. So I cannot allow you to have that Rank.

If you want you can still apply for the Rank, but I suggest you go for a B Rank instead.

i changed it

Approved!