B Rank Exam: But I Didn't Call Your Name Three Times

Maddox could scream. Maddox wanted to scream. But Maddox knew better than to scream. After all, she had been traipsing around the dark wilds of Sin for a few hours already and was more than familiar with its… charming assortment of wildlife at this point. Screaming out her frustrations would only draw the wrong attention and ruin her already scuffed outfit even more. She couldn’t even stop to patch it up! Sneaking around, at times with cautious silence, other times with quick noiseless steps was taking up all her time. And she was nowhere close to finding this… ‘Elysium’ that dear Temperance invited her to.

Dear, dear Temperance. As fond as Maddox was of the woman, the Requip mage was feeling a bit peeved at her and Hex at the moment. They had only given her a vague location in Sin where their mysterious organization they were so eager for Maddox to join was, and that a guide would show her the way. When Maddox asked where to meet the guide, all Temperance said was that ‘he will find you’ with a tone of voice Maddox could not place, despite her wonderful people reading skills. But as she said earlier, it had been hours, almost an entire day since she had started wandering the area yet no ‘guide’ had shown. Was this a test? Was the guide something unbearably subtle that she had to figure out on her own? Was it one of the beasts she killed? Or did she misunderstand the witch and simply had to find their headquarters herself? Maddox hoped not. If she managed to find a Dark Guild of all things headquarters by stumbling around Sin then she wouldn’t want to join such a guild if their illegal base could be found so easily.

Suddenly there was a growl behind Maddox, causing her to return the growl. Though in her case with was in frustration rather than a warning. Turning around she spotted what looked like a zombie mutt of some sort. The beast growled again and prepared to leap at Maddox. She didn’t let it get that far. In a surge of dark magic, she summons a simple pistol and shot the beast between its eyes. It fell limp to the ground with a thud mid-jump. Maddox then shot it a few more times. It was a zombie after all. It wasn’t to vent frustration. No. Not at all.

Beast probably very dead, Maddox quickly turned to leave the area with haste. She probably should have summoned a sword or something that was less loud, but too late now. But she didn’t manage to take more than a few steps when she sensed another danger. Maddox didn’t turn her head toward its direction, simply raised her gun toward it. “If you plan on attacking Maddox, please do get it over with. We are lacking in patience right now.” She said to the being with sickly sweetness.

WC: 489

What. The. Actual. Fuuuuuuuu?? Wa-was that, some sort of comical lemonade stand? The like of which children in semi-good neighbourhoods set up was her instant split-second thought. Like hell she was going to buy anything, it was probably zombie piss- aaaand the rest of the stand came into focus.

The flyers.

The words of welcome.

And a man in a zebra-like suit with green hair. Who was also featured in the flyers?

The was a beat of absolute silence was a gobsmacked Maddox tried to comprehend this predicament. How the hell has she missed the stand when first walking into the clearing?! Was this some sort of trap? Test? Was this man important? He was on the recruitment flyers after all- wait what kind of illegal dark guild has a recruitment stand and flyers?!

Maddox’s spiralling thoughts were put to a halt, and she twitched with surprise, barely not managing to fire her pistol, Pain, at the man when the… banners and zombie cheerleaders appeared? What in the god’s names was going on right now?! The zombie girls grab the banner as the green man began to sing… only to forget how to spell the word guide. Maddox certainly hoped this man was not in a leading position in the guild, or else they were doomed. Oh, the show was over. She didn’t know zombie cheerleader could moan in disappointment. Gross.

By the time the odd man finally talked to Maddox directly, her gun had lowered a bit and her shoulders and back had slumped forward. If she could show her expression, her jaw would have been open in surprise the entire time. What in the world was going on- Oh? He knew about the black plague- wait died?! Was he a ghost? No, a zombie lord of some sort? A lich? That could explain why the cheerleader zombies obeyed him… Wait, she was losing track of the conversation, this man was so overwhelming. What the hell was a website?

Thankfully his next comment got her mind back together. Anger was always a good focus. Banishing Pain in a swish of darkness, Maddox put her hands on her hips and leaned forward. “E-enough of this foolishness, fool!” She splutters in her deep unisex voice at the possible zombie. “Maddox’s name is Maddox and we are a thief of great skill! Are you the guide that is supposed to lead us to Elysium?” She assumed as much based on the flyers and botched song. “Well, if so, you are late! Poor, poor Maddox has been wandering these wastes for hours~! While there is much beauty in the caresses of ancient beings and in the destitute of this place, we do prefer a tad more glamour darling.” The requip mage sniffs snootily. Then pauses. “And we are not a plague doctor, simply a being with great fashion sense. But what is a website and how can it catch the plague?” She finishes.

WC: 489
TWC: 979

Maddox was beginning to find there were three ways she tended to interact with people, to varying degrees depending on the individual in question. The most common one was ‘you are beneath my greater attention’ apathy that went to general people she interacted with, usually hidden under a layer of social niceties. Then it was the ‘oh you are delightful~’ category where she easily took a shine to a person and peppered them with her wonderful positive attention. Then there were people who got to receive the ‘I want to skin you alive how dare you to exist in my presence’ type of response, often with all of their possessions stolen afterwards.

This man ended up very squarely in the last category, being both confusing and infuriating to high degrees. “Who the ever-loving hell are you talking to?! And you did not answer Maddox’s question, so answer it!” She immediately demanded, lowering the gun fully to stare in the sky, then at the scruffy man before her. That had made absolutely no sense and the pure randomness of it was getting on her nerves. “Make sense damn you!” A minute into the conversation and she already wanted to strangle him!

Then she immediately wanted to call bullshit on the man’s excuse of his lateness just out of reflex. But no… his explanation made sense, of course, there would be a test of some sort. It was probably even easier because Maddox had a member to vouch for her. No in the end she only nodded in reluctant acceptance to his claim. At least if he had finally arrived, she had probably passed, correct?

Then she didn’t bother to get offended at the critique of her style of dress in effectively doing her job. And made a show of rolling her eyes at his weird way of hitting on her. If he knew what was under this mask, he would probably take it back in a heartbeat. Or maybe not, seeing that he put literal zombies in pretty cheerleader outfits. Or maybe double not since most people tended to think she was a man due to her voice, clothes and lack of womanly figure (not that she cared, beauty was above gender after all). Thus, most people who hit on her thought she was a man and had taste for men, or occasionally both on a nice day. Maddox wasn’t going to ask of course; she wasn’t some crude barbarian.

Wait, dead man? So, he was some sort of undead, she’ll take back the heartbeat remark. And who was Groot- dammit she was losing track of the conversation again! Wait, he wanted her to get on the zombie cheerleaders like they were horses? She gave him the best you have got to be kidding me look’ before looking over to the offered zombie. Who was very disturbingly giving the reluctant Maddox puppy-eyes which was more horrifying than convincing? Then her chin started to wobble and Maddox awkwardly got on the offered back so that she wouldn’t have to go through the mental trauma of making a zombie cry.

“Maddox will let you know that we consider this very ungrateful!” She yells angrily to the undead man as they begin to move. Then, finding the zombie's gait both fast and weirdly steady starts to snootily reply to Crowlee's earlier critiques. “Darling, you are very obviously not much of a thief yourself. If we were to steal something, who would you blame, the fashionable, well-off-looking man and known appraiser, or literally anybody who looked less well off, thus much more likely to steal? If anything, Maddox would be accused of being an information broker or illegal doctor. Sometimes being attention-grabbing is the best way to throw the authorities off your trail, as long as you grab attention in the right away.” Maddox explains without knowing why she was bothering. “And as… flattering as your interest is Maddox is rather certain we are not of your taste good sir.” She had yet to meet someone who would bed an acidic, rot-smelling being that alternated between being a zombie and a mummy. And even if he was interested Maddox would still turn him down. He was very much not her type. “And no darling, we assure you that if wearing a mask got in your way that you would be a very poor thief indeed. And Maddox is no poor thief.” She said with a snooty sniff, ignoring the fact one of the reasons she was joining the guild was due to lack of jewels due to lack of contacts. Then paused, trying to remember all of the annoying things he said. “And who is Groot and what is a subboard?! And what kind of undead are you anyways?” She finally demands angrily, tired of Crowlee ignoring her questions. “Because if you are a lich and if you annoy Maddox further, we will steal your phylactery! Then smash it!” She threatens. She hated liches; they were so annoying to kill.

But before she could threaten, nag, or yell at anything Crowlee said in return, the zombie beneath her grunted. Maddox looks up and noticed that they were in a very different area than before. Then she finally notices ahead was a symbol etched into stone. The same symbol that was on the flyers and on Temperance's skin.

The symbol of Elysium. She had arrived.

WC: 900
TWC: 1,879