The morning sun came up and Smrt sat in the middle of the room he was assigned at the guild. It was a nice room, smaller than the one he had before in the Savage Skull, but still a decent one. This was a new chapter of his life, and he knew that one of the steps was to humble himself. He realized that he was not the strongest nor the fastest in the guild, both Johann and Sivvy, the guild masters, were so strong that Smrt was really afraid the first time he met them. So he needed to find his peace in what they gave him as he knew that there would be more if he behaved as it was expected. The room really did have all that was needed, a bed to sleep in, and a comfortable one at that. Smrt needed structure so every day he would make his bed, and clean his room. He had a need to keep it as clean as possible, as the tidiness and order it brought was something Smrt wanted to have. The past had a nasty habit if trying to sneak back out and Smrt was afraid that it would destroy what he had just found. He did not abandon his quest for information, but was still not ready to give it his full attention.
As he was sitting on the floor he was again giving the breathfullness a try. His legs were crossed and his hands gently placed on them. Breathing slowly, he was trying a method he had heard about, that could, in theory, help him. Breathfullness, the breath that fills your focus. He had heard that this method could boost his thinking, so he could remember what had happened to him and his loved one, but at the same time clear his mind of every bad thought that the event and thinking about it could bring. His mind was very distracted.
"Come on focus. Give it a try." he was silent for a moment and then continued "What did that girl, call it, meditation. That is a strange word, breathfullness sounds much better and is a perfect description. What does mediation even mean? Oh shoot, I should be quiet." he closed his eyes and gave it another try.
"Deep breath in... and breath out... and in... and out... Think only on your breath... nothing else... Deep breath in... and breath out... And in and out..." he repeated the words in his head.
"Deep breath in... and breath out... and in... and out... How did Johann become so strong? Like, was it artificial, or can I get to that level?"
His eyes shot open, and his head dropped.
"I did it again. This is much harder than I thought. Maybe I should stop. No. No. NO." he was gritting his teeth.
"YOU WILL DO IT. YOU ARE NOT A MORON, YOU ARE NOT A SAVAGE."
He slapped himself in the face, and bumped his fist together.
"AAAAA! NOW WE GET TO INNER PIECE!"
He placed his hands again on his legs took a big breath and held it.
"Now you will choke, because you can't do A F**KEN simple thing."
His face started to go red, so he exhaled and inhaled his time slowly.
"Now slowly. Deep breath in... and breath out... and in... and out... Think only on your breath... nothing else... Deep breath in... and breath out... And in and out..."
Smrt repeated that same sentence in his mind for over two hours, not letting himself change his thoughts, but in doing that he did not think of his breath at all, his mind was only thinking about the sentence. He was desperately trying to follow the instructions, but with very bad results.
After his death the desires for killing, chaos and pain had subsided. He knew that it was weird, unusual, it was like he was a different person, but he did not feel different. Not very much. That made him question if the one before was really him, or the one sitting on the floor. He was now part of a legal guild which was something he thought would never happen, but it did, and he believed in it for some reason that even he did not know. He was still trying his breathfullness exercises, but all the deep down pent-up thoughts in his brain that wanted to come out were really making it hard. Smrt opened his eyes, took one breath and then laid on the ground, releasing his legs from the Pretzel position they were in, forced not to move by pure will of an angry man.
Smrt was giving the room ceiling and empty stare.
"Why is this so hard? Just stop thinking about Mari and give it time. Become stronger. Someone killed you cause you were not strong enough. AND that is realty. You weren't even strong enough to stop those guys from destroying that man's mind." Smrt stood up and started pacing the room.
"What is your worth? You are tall. And that is it. You look scary. Wow! And you almost pissed your pants when Sivvy came in front of you. You are a tall, weak corpse, that is what you are." Smrt stopped pacing, set on the floor again, put his head in his hands and tears started forming in his eyes.
"How could have I allowed that to happen? To me. To her. I was her man, she told me I was her prince. And now I can't find her. Her whole family is gone, and my guild. What the f*ck did I do? I was so arrogant."
Smrt felt pressure in his heart, the pain he felt was intense. He swallowed but that just made the pain worse. He became aware that the pain he felt was real and not just emotional hurt. He could not breathe anymore. No voice came out when he wanted to speak. Grabbing his chest Smrt turned around on the floor and started crawling towards the door. The pain grew and the areas of it spread, he felt weaker with every second that passed. The pain started to feel familiar, and as he moved his hand, he saw and felt magical energy around his scars. Like with rings and bracelets, his whole body was covered in magic, splitting him in pieces. His eyes became black and as the final wave came over, his magic was growing and something from the anti-space wanted out.
WC: 1084
As he was sitting on the floor he was again giving the breathfullness a try. His legs were crossed and his hands gently placed on them. Breathing slowly, he was trying a method he had heard about, that could, in theory, help him. Breathfullness, the breath that fills your focus. He had heard that this method could boost his thinking, so he could remember what had happened to him and his loved one, but at the same time clear his mind of every bad thought that the event and thinking about it could bring. His mind was very distracted.
"Come on focus. Give it a try." he was silent for a moment and then continued "What did that girl, call it, meditation. That is a strange word, breathfullness sounds much better and is a perfect description. What does mediation even mean? Oh shoot, I should be quiet." he closed his eyes and gave it another try.
"Deep breath in... and breath out... and in... and out... Think only on your breath... nothing else... Deep breath in... and breath out... And in and out..." he repeated the words in his head.
"Deep breath in... and breath out... and in... and out... How did Johann become so strong? Like, was it artificial, or can I get to that level?"
His eyes shot open, and his head dropped.
"I did it again. This is much harder than I thought. Maybe I should stop. No. No. NO." he was gritting his teeth.
"YOU WILL DO IT. YOU ARE NOT A MORON, YOU ARE NOT A SAVAGE."
He slapped himself in the face, and bumped his fist together.
"AAAAA! NOW WE GET TO INNER PIECE!"
He placed his hands again on his legs took a big breath and held it.
"Now you will choke, because you can't do A F**KEN simple thing."
His face started to go red, so he exhaled and inhaled his time slowly.
"Now slowly. Deep breath in... and breath out... and in... and out... Think only on your breath... nothing else... Deep breath in... and breath out... And in and out..."
Smrt repeated that same sentence in his mind for over two hours, not letting himself change his thoughts, but in doing that he did not think of his breath at all, his mind was only thinking about the sentence. He was desperately trying to follow the instructions, but with very bad results.
After his death the desires for killing, chaos and pain had subsided. He knew that it was weird, unusual, it was like he was a different person, but he did not feel different. Not very much. That made him question if the one before was really him, or the one sitting on the floor. He was now part of a legal guild which was something he thought would never happen, but it did, and he believed in it for some reason that even he did not know. He was still trying his breathfullness exercises, but all the deep down pent-up thoughts in his brain that wanted to come out were really making it hard. Smrt opened his eyes, took one breath and then laid on the ground, releasing his legs from the Pretzel position they were in, forced not to move by pure will of an angry man.
Smrt was giving the room ceiling and empty stare.
"Why is this so hard? Just stop thinking about Mari and give it time. Become stronger. Someone killed you cause you were not strong enough. AND that is realty. You weren't even strong enough to stop those guys from destroying that man's mind." Smrt stood up and started pacing the room.
"What is your worth? You are tall. And that is it. You look scary. Wow! And you almost pissed your pants when Sivvy came in front of you. You are a tall, weak corpse, that is what you are." Smrt stopped pacing, set on the floor again, put his head in his hands and tears started forming in his eyes.
"How could have I allowed that to happen? To me. To her. I was her man, she told me I was her prince. And now I can't find her. Her whole family is gone, and my guild. What the f*ck did I do? I was so arrogant."
Smrt felt pressure in his heart, the pain he felt was intense. He swallowed but that just made the pain worse. He became aware that the pain he felt was real and not just emotional hurt. He could not breathe anymore. No voice came out when he wanted to speak. Grabbing his chest Smrt turned around on the floor and started crawling towards the door. The pain grew and the areas of it spread, he felt weaker with every second that passed. The pain started to feel familiar, and as he moved his hand, he saw and felt magical energy around his scars. Like with rings and bracelets, his whole body was covered in magic, splitting him in pieces. His eyes became black and as the final wave came over, his magic was growing and something from the anti-space wanted out.
WC: 1084
