Quarantine is hard, but toxicity is harder.

Hey guys,

I'm going to be real, I have very much debated leaving this forum on many occasions. Recently this feeling has peaked, I have spent several days miserable, crying and sleepless. My fiance has been worried about me and even tried to make me leave. But I don't want to leave, it wouldn't help, because I rely on this forum to focus my mind and ease my own mental health issues. If I left, I don't know If my heart could take it, so instead, I've decided against leaving or even going on hiatus. Instead, I'm just going to bring you this message and unload some very personal thoughts.

See before I get started I'd like to say I love roleplaying and truly cherish the laughs I have with you guys on here. But for all the good times I have in this place, I have some really difficult times too;

I have been bullied on this forum. I have been manipulated. I have been baited. I have had lies spread about me of which I have witnessed through screenshots. I have been harassed. Betrayed. Blackmailed. Mini-modded. Made fun of.

And so much more,

But why do I put up with it? Because despite all of this bullshittery, I love this site. I have made some incredible friends here. And it is my relationship with these people that anchors me so~

Now granted, a lot of the things that happened above were done by members who have either left or were banned. And despite my name being dragged through the mud by both them, and some of you that still linger in the discord. I still remain loyal to this forum and try my best to make ALL OF YOU happy. Even those of you who hate me.

And honestly, without said people, this forum is a much nicer place. But something that seems to have peaked lately, is the negativity.

Now, It's pretty obvious that the world is suffering from a crazy situation and a lot, if not all of us, are feeling the weight of the pandemic. The strain on our lives, being stuck at home bored is tough. And some of us have found ourselves being forced to put up with unhealthy relationships in the household more so than we usually would. I understand that this is a hard time, but this is why FTRP exists.

FTRP is a place that you can escape to, where you can lose yourself in these characters you make and embark on a wonderful story. Where you and others can create scenes that you can only dream of and relish in the excitement of an enjoyable story. Whether it's fighting titanic monsters, exploring magical lands or even the amorous pleasure of watching two (or three) beautiful individuals slowly fall in love. You can lose yourself in the wonders of creative writing and for a little while, you can forget.

Forget all the shit.

Everything that plagues you right now; your worries, your anger, and your upset. It's not much but it's a distraction and for me... well it helps.

But here's the thing, in order for this forum to work. We need to remember that, you are NOT the only one suffering right now. And whilst some people are very vocal about their issues, there are also some that suffer in silence.

I for one, am pretty good at pretending I'm fine, I'm not. Not really. Like ever.

The only time I feel fine when I'm on this forum is when I'm laughing with my friends or I'm lost in an amazing rp. For the most part I am forever drowning in low thoughts, and self-loathing. And I try not to let that stop me from socialising with you guys, but when it feels like every day is a fight, that can be really hard. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this.

And with this all in mind, I'm here to bring up a rather simple request. Despite my elaborated rambling, this message is really just about one thing.

If you're angry, upset or down, please just know that taking it out on others in the discord is not okay. People will be willing to hear you out and let you vent about your problems, but you don't need to attack people to do so. And if your getting worked up about something on the forum maybe just stop and remember, this is just for fun. It's okay to care, but it's not okay to be rude or mean to others.

This goes for myself too. If I have been rude or harsh to others during this difficult time, I am genuinely sorry. I'll admit, I know I'm an emotional person and passionate to boot, sometimes it does get the better of me. Also for the most part, if I'm scolding you about the rules, it is essentially because as per the code of conduct; we have no tolerance for toxicity. And as I listed above, I have endured more than my fair share of that from people on this forum. I'm tired of it and I just want it to stop.

So yeah,

That's all really.

TLDR;; Please try to be kind to each other, we are all just people who enjoy rping and want a space where we can do so.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk~

Nessa.

My former professor had an old adage that I've always kept deep and true to myself. I've brought it to most places that I've worked at, as a way of explaining the need for a place to be toxic-free. And it goes as simply as this -- All the shit of the world, all the bullshit you're experiencing, pack it into a suitcase. And when you get here, leave that suitcase at the door. It'll still be there when you have to leave but allow yourself the privilege to escape from it because then it's weight is much easier to handle. And you'd be surprised what a clear mind can do for solving your problems.

I know I go around saying I'm the resident asshole, mostly because I am. But I'm also not so emotionally empty to not understand that this is a place that is meant to be fun and free and a creative release for all of us. And yes, I'll state openly that I will come to bat against anyone that takes a stance that seems pompous, arrogant or superior to other people on this site, be it on the forum on Discord.

But that is only because I believe everyone has the right to create whatever they want, if they have the imagination for it. And people need to try and remember that this is a game, it is here for our enjoyment and our escape. Don't take it too seriously and don't go crazy when things change -- that's the way of online games like this. One of our greatest abilities as humans is the ability to adapt; let's all try giving changes a chance before we decide we don't like it and rail against the system for it.

And speaking as someone that has been a staff member on an RP forum, we should all take a moment to truly recognize the work and effort the entire staff team does. They sacrifice hours upon hours of time both on the forum and in their own lives to ensure our magics, our characters, our forum is running the best possible way. They are willing to fall on their swords to achieve overall success, most of the time at the cost of their own literary creations. People are quick to judge everything they do, as if they're waiting for an excuse to throw insulting comparisons to old staff the minute they don't like something. Now this is not meant to call those people out -- it is just a general sweeping reminder to everyone that we should all take time to remember that the staff on this site literally works, as if this is a second and sometimes first job. And just like all of us that get drained and fed up with work, they can too. They're human and they deserve the respect of us understanding that.

This site is amazing and it's community just so as well. I haven't felt as comfortable in a place as here in a long time and I want you all to know that each and every one of you is a part of that reason. I will now recede to my normal asshole persona.