WIP.
Really, some people did try to give her new hope, and sometimes she could seem normal and even encouraged. However? Each day she also still felt like something essential inside of her, something that everyone else had, but she just lacked it, something inside of her felt empty, something felt hallow and it wasn't her endless stomach used for sending sinners to the afterlife. In entire honesty? Fluffy felt dead even though she was very much alive because in a way she still couldn't accept what had transpired. Of course, she was tight-lipped about her personal internal thoughts, the way that even though she had a god to worship, she still felt like nothing. Ever since the day she awoke in this form, she had felt like her existence was already over, as if nothing really mattered because, in the end, her human life had equated to nothing, she had accomplished nothing. Most human's never got anywhere because they had no goals. While on the outside it had seemed she was some plain jane with no goals or dreams, she had possessed some during life and they had been snuffed out that second she became this, she had nothing.
Wolfe was real, she had found her brother, but it didn't feel like the victory it should have been because she couldn't tell him who she was. Her brother was a powerful legal mage and her heart broke thinking of the fact, she had walked down a path too far from his to taint him with being called his sister. From what she had gathered about her brother that day, he was a good man, one who would easily own up to having a murderous sadistic girl like her for his sister if she could provide any proof, which she could, the female could answer anything he asked. However, that was why becoming this ripped the dream of finally having her big brother away from her! He'd own up to her, heck Wolfe would likely even try to fix her, but she was just broken and shattered, there was nothing left of the girl who had been born his sister to fix.
She had found someone to devote her life to, not in the romantic sense but the religious one, a turn of event's she had never expected while she was human. However, even with Chaoris she felt empty, sure she denied it hard enough she believed it at the moment, but after they killed, murdered so swiftly, she just felt empty again. Nothing seemed to make her feel fulfilled like it should have, she just kept chasing feeling's that simply evaded her, the second she felt like she was alive again, she would remember, and she would feel dead inside once more. Even if she devoted her life to Chaoris, what did it mean in the end, she had already died once, her life held no inherent value as she very well may be immortal. When one devoted their life to someone or something? It was considered an honor and something of high value because they had only one life when someone had the possibility of dying and reviving more than once, it lost every bit of value it would have held prior. Sure in the moment's she was serving him she felt alive, felt valuable, everything seemed alright, she would follow him straight into another death without a second guess. However, the second they vanished from each other's sight? She felt entirely like a void once more, almost unable to remember what it felt like to fight by his side because she should never have gotten the chance, her life should have ended, humans were only supposed to have one life and she had been born human.
In spite of the fact human's should only receive a single life and then be excorised or forced to pass into the afterlife if they stubbornly clung to where they should no longer exist? She couldn't bring herself to follow the logic she thought the entire world should work on. Fluffy knew that she shouldn't be lingering, that after her human life ended she should have simply left the world of the living. However it had not happened, and she lacked the willpower to make it happen herself, even finding some sort of Black Magic to send herself where she belonged was too much for the girl. Of course, she tried to drive herself insane by convincing herself that this didn't count as being dead, that she was something that should exist. Of course, ever since becoming a fire mage she had also seen many other things that should not exist. Why weren't those beasts also tormented by thoughts of their own nature of existing as an abomination?! How could such monsters walk around every single day and not seem at all bothered by what they were? Of course, unknowingly to her, the real bigger problem she had with them was the fact they could overcome whatever they may think of themselves and be allowed to feel alive even if they shouldn't be alive, to begin with, and yet she could not manage that same thing!
Fluffy looked down at the object clutched within her hand in the small camp she had made for herself. Was she really that desperate?
A slender clawed finger reached out to touch a red circular pattern on a square button, a bleep emitting from the device that was activated. If one stepped back to evaluate things? They would see Nyx sitting on her knee's in front of a camcorder. "I fear I'm going mad." the woman in front of the screen gave a chuckle, she looked exactly as Fluffy had during her life, but it didn't make sense, she should have never been able to reobtain that body, it had been annihilated by the youkai energy Izayuki had poured into her, it didn't even exist anymore, yet there she was. "
Really, some people did try to give her new hope, and sometimes she could seem normal and even encouraged. However? Each day she also still felt like something essential inside of her, something that everyone else had, but she just lacked it, something inside of her felt empty, something felt hallow and it wasn't her endless stomach used for sending sinners to the afterlife. In entire honesty? Fluffy felt dead even though she was very much alive because in a way she still couldn't accept what had transpired. Of course, she was tight-lipped about her personal internal thoughts, the way that even though she had a god to worship, she still felt like nothing. Ever since the day she awoke in this form, she had felt like her existence was already over, as if nothing really mattered because, in the end, her human life had equated to nothing, she had accomplished nothing. Most human's never got anywhere because they had no goals. While on the outside it had seemed she was some plain jane with no goals or dreams, she had possessed some during life and they had been snuffed out that second she became this, she had nothing.
Wolfe was real, she had found her brother, but it didn't feel like the victory it should have been because she couldn't tell him who she was. Her brother was a powerful legal mage and her heart broke thinking of the fact, she had walked down a path too far from his to taint him with being called his sister. From what she had gathered about her brother that day, he was a good man, one who would easily own up to having a murderous sadistic girl like her for his sister if she could provide any proof, which she could, the female could answer anything he asked. However, that was why becoming this ripped the dream of finally having her big brother away from her! He'd own up to her, heck Wolfe would likely even try to fix her, but she was just broken and shattered, there was nothing left of the girl who had been born his sister to fix.
She had found someone to devote her life to, not in the romantic sense but the religious one, a turn of event's she had never expected while she was human. However, even with Chaoris she felt empty, sure she denied it hard enough she believed it at the moment, but after they killed, murdered so swiftly, she just felt empty again. Nothing seemed to make her feel fulfilled like it should have, she just kept chasing feeling's that simply evaded her, the second she felt like she was alive again, she would remember, and she would feel dead inside once more. Even if she devoted her life to Chaoris, what did it mean in the end, she had already died once, her life held no inherent value as she very well may be immortal. When one devoted their life to someone or something? It was considered an honor and something of high value because they had only one life when someone had the possibility of dying and reviving more than once, it lost every bit of value it would have held prior. Sure in the moment's she was serving him she felt alive, felt valuable, everything seemed alright, she would follow him straight into another death without a second guess. However, the second they vanished from each other's sight? She felt entirely like a void once more, almost unable to remember what it felt like to fight by his side because she should never have gotten the chance, her life should have ended, humans were only supposed to have one life and she had been born human.
In spite of the fact human's should only receive a single life and then be excorised or forced to pass into the afterlife if they stubbornly clung to where they should no longer exist? She couldn't bring herself to follow the logic she thought the entire world should work on. Fluffy knew that she shouldn't be lingering, that after her human life ended she should have simply left the world of the living. However it had not happened, and she lacked the willpower to make it happen herself, even finding some sort of Black Magic to send herself where she belonged was too much for the girl. Of course, she tried to drive herself insane by convincing herself that this didn't count as being dead, that she was something that should exist. Of course, ever since becoming a fire mage she had also seen many other things that should not exist. Why weren't those beasts also tormented by thoughts of their own nature of existing as an abomination?! How could such monsters walk around every single day and not seem at all bothered by what they were? Of course, unknowingly to her, the real bigger problem she had with them was the fact they could overcome whatever they may think of themselves and be allowed to feel alive even if they shouldn't be alive, to begin with, and yet she could not manage that same thing!
Fluffy looked down at the object clutched within her hand in the small camp she had made for herself. Was she really that desperate?
A slender clawed finger reached out to touch a red circular pattern on a square button, a bleep emitting from the device that was activated. If one stepped back to evaluate things? They would see Nyx sitting on her knee's in front of a camcorder. "I fear I'm going mad." the woman in front of the screen gave a chuckle, she looked exactly as Fluffy had during her life, but it didn't make sense, she should have never been able to reobtain that body, it had been annihilated by the youkai energy Izayuki had poured into her, it didn't even exist anymore, yet there she was. "
