And while you are sitting indoors
waiting for the storm to pass
I will be outside dancing in the rain
waiting for the storm to pass
I will be outside dancing in the rain
❧
It was exhausting, constantly going back and forth between Oahu and Terasu. Which is why the elf girl tended to stay in one place or the other for multiple days at a time. There was no way she could gather up enough energy after her training with Sirius to walk back home, that would be near impossible. She could do it if she tried her hardest, but Astrid was careful not to exhaust herself completely these days. She tended to do that a lot, exhaust herself to the brink of death. But after a couple near death experiences already she wasn't exactly fond of the idea of meeting her maker quite yet. And and to top it off with her frail health she couldn't take any chances.
It was funny... The elf could remember clearly that when she was younger the doctor told her the sickness she had was genetic, whatever the actual name for it might be. But... She was no longer in possession of her original birth body. In fact, this body had no connection whatsoever to her or any of her ancestors. Not even the tiniest drop of similar blood. Since this came from Erika it was made in a lab, it was a shell. An empty shell, until Astrid filled it with her soul of course. So, why was her frailness still effecting her so much? Really, it has even intensified since then. Maybe not a whole lot, but maybe just a little. Despite being trained under Sirius she was starting to notice her stamina was once again deteriorating over time. Things were becoming more and more of a hassle to do. Though this wasn't anything new. Astrid had gone through a similar period of this in her childhood, to the point where she was hospitalized for a couple of months due to it. But... This shouldn't even be happening anymore, not in this body at least. But the illness continued.
Why?
She did not know. Maybe no matter what body she was in this retched curse was set to find her. It didn't make any sense, though she knew this would eventually pass. At least she hoped... She had survived this once before, and since then survived actual death itself. She wouldn't allow this persistent illness to take her life so soon. She had just achieved her dream status. A real wizard saint. She wouldn't want to gain the title only to lose it as soon as she got it. There was still so much to do.
But at the same time, she could recall what her grandfather said once. The youngest Foss to ever pass was her great grandmother, at the tender age of nineteen... Astrid was only but a month away from becoming the same age. Yet her great grandmother was said to have died during childbirth, and as much as she hoped Astrid was pretty sure she wasn't pregnant or going to give birth to the next son of God any time soon. So her chances of going at the same time wasn't exactly high. Still, the thought of losing her life still weighed heavily on her mind.
Would she even die? Her body would at least, but what about her soul? As long as her soul stayed intact she was immortal. At least that's what hazy information she had gathered through various memories of the past and legends about her very existence. But the question was, did the illness effect her soul? Astrid wasn't sure, nor were any doctors across the country. No matter what her grandfather did no one could explain the genetic illnesses of the Foss, even when her grandmother was dying of it and no matter what hospital or expert he forced to look into it they could never come up with a clear answer. Some say it's genetic and effected every generation, and yet her own mother had never been reported with the disease. It's like all of a sudden it decided to skip a generation. And at the same time it has only ever effected one person at a time. When that person died, another would get it in their place. It acted without rhyme or reason, as if it were sentient and understood exactly what it wanted in a host. So supernatural was this that science and medicine would not explain it. Astrid did not understand when she was younger, but her grandfather often called it the Foss curse. But now that she was older and understood the position she was in more, she couldn't help but agree with him.
There was no understanding what it was.
It just was what it was.
A curse.
That morning the elf awoke in a sweat, lunging forward as soon as she opened her eyes. For a while she sat there from under her futon, staring into the wall of the darkened cave in front of her, her breath short and ragged as she exhaled and inhaled under her breath. Purple eyes sat wide and unmoving. Eventually after gathering herself enough she began to look around the small space of the cave, eyes darting from wall to wall, almost forgetting where she was for a moment before she thankfully remembered. Ah, yes. That's right. She was still of Terasu, inside the mountain she first fought Sirius at. To confirm this was in fact the same place the slayer raised her head and looked to the top of the hollow mountain, spying the dark sky filled with bright stars that forever reigned over this planet's world. Yep, this was Sirius' place alright. She was there when he broke the top of it trying to fight her. Calming down by the familiar scenery Astrid leaned back in place, letting out a short breath through her nose. She rubbed her temples as a sort of natural way to wake herself up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes while also massaging her aching mind. "So it was just a dream..." the elvish girl mumbled to herself, recalling the unnerving visions that had plagued her mind that night. She removed her hand away from her temples, dropping it to her lap. "... Or in this case, a nightmare." Nightmares were not uncommon for the wizard saint. In fact these days she tended to have nightmares more than dreams, as awful as that sounded. But what else was supposed to happen when you repressed trauma? It doesn't go away, even when you force it to. It's always there, always gnawing away at the back of your mind. It waits for you to lose your guard, and just when you're most vulnerable is strikes once more. Since Astrid was rather good locking things away the moments they usually liked to strike were within her dreams. Granted, not every nightmare was about her trauma. Just the night before she had this weird dream about a giant pizza rolling after her, trying to kill her. And she had absolutely nothing again pizza. Well, maybe now she would be a bit hesitant about buying one any time soon... But still, she was rather good at shaking her nightmares off. Because that's all they were. Nightmares. They couldn't hurt her and she knew that. But those times... Those times when she could recall a distant memory from when she was a wandering soul filled with bloodlust, or maybe the feeling of being abandoned and unwanted by her mother, or perhaps the time she died in Izayuki's arms. Those were the times when she could not shake them off so easily. They stuck to her mind, stuck to her very being. And no matter how hard she tried to remove them she was still shaken to the core.
Last night had been no different. the memory itself was vague now, but the feeling was still there. The pain of dying before she was even born. It was just darkness, and then death. Nothing else. There was nothing more painful than to not even live before you die. To die alone, knowing nothing of this world other than the embrace of death.
The silvernette turned her attention towards her arm, tracing it up and down slowly with a delicate finger, feeling the light touch upon her skin.
But she was alive. How? She took the life of another. That's what her kind did. Filled with wrath the unborn souls search out for a host, another pregnant woman. Then they consume the soul of the baby still growing inside and take their place. She had done that. She had killed the originally Astrid Foss. And in return she got to live as her, in her place. She was living a life that was not supposed to be her's, but rather someone else's. All of the things she was going through shouldn't even really be her issues. But they were. Because she is Astrid, at least now she is.
Purple optics looked back up towards the dark sky, the reflection of thousands of stars shining within them.
The guild master could not help but wonder what the original Astrid would have done if she was in this situation. But she guessed, if this was the original Astrid she wouldn't even be in this situation right now. She herself wouldn't even exist at the current moment, and the Astrid she killed would probably either be dead, living, or maybe... Just maybe she would be doing exactly what she was doing right now, starring up at the same starry night sky and wondering where to go from here. It was a weird thought, but not an impossible one. After all what really made a person a person in the first place? They say personality and memories, as well as influences from other people. If that was the case, then wouldn't that mean she was taking every single step the other Astrid would have taken? It's like, her fate is already laid out for her, and she is just watching from this perspective.
Realizing she was once again thinking too deep about things Astrid shook her head, patting herself on the cheeks in order to wake herself up from her half-sleep thoughts.
It was too early to be thinking about deep things. What was done is done, and she had to live with it. She knew this, she always has since she first found out what she was.
If fate did exist, then there was a reason she was here. There was a reason for all of this in the first place. Her consuming Astrid's soul and taking her place was not something she can prevent or stop. There is a reason she is still alive, there is a reason for everything. She just had to remember that.
After gathering herself once more the elf neatly folded the futon and made her way towards the main entrance of the mountain. She tripped over a lose rock once, but that was only inevitable when you lived in constant darkness and your slayer senses were will a bit too tired to function correctly. It was a good thing Sirius naturally radiated light and was... You know, about fifty feet tall, otherwise she might get lost in those massive tunnels forever.
She guessed it was about time for her training anyway, Sirius liked to train her as soon as she got up, that way they could get the tough stuff out of the way early and still have time to relax more. He liked to tell her stories of the past, and Astrid was naturally curious and drawn to such things. She liked the stories of old, always have, especially the books that told of such things. But to have an actual person who was there for these certain events was more than she could have ever wanted or dreamed. There was something raw and more powerful when they were told first hand. There was no censorship or wordplay, Sirius just told it like it is. It was fascinating, and defiantly her favorite part of their training.
As she got closer and closer to where the dragon resided the elf could see the light from within the cavern growing bright and brighter, to the point where at somewhere in the middle she had to squint her eyes in order to get used to the light once more...
But then something hit her randomly. A smell hit her sensitive slayer nose, all the way to the back of her throat. For some reason it smelled like something was... Burning.
It was funny... The elf could remember clearly that when she was younger the doctor told her the sickness she had was genetic, whatever the actual name for it might be. But... She was no longer in possession of her original birth body. In fact, this body had no connection whatsoever to her or any of her ancestors. Not even the tiniest drop of similar blood. Since this came from Erika it was made in a lab, it was a shell. An empty shell, until Astrid filled it with her soul of course. So, why was her frailness still effecting her so much? Really, it has even intensified since then. Maybe not a whole lot, but maybe just a little. Despite being trained under Sirius she was starting to notice her stamina was once again deteriorating over time. Things were becoming more and more of a hassle to do. Though this wasn't anything new. Astrid had gone through a similar period of this in her childhood, to the point where she was hospitalized for a couple of months due to it. But... This shouldn't even be happening anymore, not in this body at least. But the illness continued.
Why?
She did not know. Maybe no matter what body she was in this retched curse was set to find her. It didn't make any sense, though she knew this would eventually pass. At least she hoped... She had survived this once before, and since then survived actual death itself. She wouldn't allow this persistent illness to take her life so soon. She had just achieved her dream status. A real wizard saint. She wouldn't want to gain the title only to lose it as soon as she got it. There was still so much to do.
But at the same time, she could recall what her grandfather said once. The youngest Foss to ever pass was her great grandmother, at the tender age of nineteen... Astrid was only but a month away from becoming the same age. Yet her great grandmother was said to have died during childbirth, and as much as she hoped Astrid was pretty sure she wasn't pregnant or going to give birth to the next son of God any time soon. So her chances of going at the same time wasn't exactly high. Still, the thought of losing her life still weighed heavily on her mind.
Would she even die? Her body would at least, but what about her soul? As long as her soul stayed intact she was immortal. At least that's what hazy information she had gathered through various memories of the past and legends about her very existence. But the question was, did the illness effect her soul? Astrid wasn't sure, nor were any doctors across the country. No matter what her grandfather did no one could explain the genetic illnesses of the Foss, even when her grandmother was dying of it and no matter what hospital or expert he forced to look into it they could never come up with a clear answer. Some say it's genetic and effected every generation, and yet her own mother had never been reported with the disease. It's like all of a sudden it decided to skip a generation. And at the same time it has only ever effected one person at a time. When that person died, another would get it in their place. It acted without rhyme or reason, as if it were sentient and understood exactly what it wanted in a host. So supernatural was this that science and medicine would not explain it. Astrid did not understand when she was younger, but her grandfather often called it the Foss curse. But now that she was older and understood the position she was in more, she couldn't help but agree with him.
There was no understanding what it was.
It just was what it was.
A curse.
That morning the elf awoke in a sweat, lunging forward as soon as she opened her eyes. For a while she sat there from under her futon, staring into the wall of the darkened cave in front of her, her breath short and ragged as she exhaled and inhaled under her breath. Purple eyes sat wide and unmoving. Eventually after gathering herself enough she began to look around the small space of the cave, eyes darting from wall to wall, almost forgetting where she was for a moment before she thankfully remembered. Ah, yes. That's right. She was still of Terasu, inside the mountain she first fought Sirius at. To confirm this was in fact the same place the slayer raised her head and looked to the top of the hollow mountain, spying the dark sky filled with bright stars that forever reigned over this planet's world. Yep, this was Sirius' place alright. She was there when he broke the top of it trying to fight her. Calming down by the familiar scenery Astrid leaned back in place, letting out a short breath through her nose. She rubbed her temples as a sort of natural way to wake herself up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes while also massaging her aching mind. "So it was just a dream..." the elvish girl mumbled to herself, recalling the unnerving visions that had plagued her mind that night. She removed her hand away from her temples, dropping it to her lap. "... Or in this case, a nightmare." Nightmares were not uncommon for the wizard saint. In fact these days she tended to have nightmares more than dreams, as awful as that sounded. But what else was supposed to happen when you repressed trauma? It doesn't go away, even when you force it to. It's always there, always gnawing away at the back of your mind. It waits for you to lose your guard, and just when you're most vulnerable is strikes once more. Since Astrid was rather good locking things away the moments they usually liked to strike were within her dreams. Granted, not every nightmare was about her trauma. Just the night before she had this weird dream about a giant pizza rolling after her, trying to kill her. And she had absolutely nothing again pizza. Well, maybe now she would be a bit hesitant about buying one any time soon... But still, she was rather good at shaking her nightmares off. Because that's all they were. Nightmares. They couldn't hurt her and she knew that. But those times... Those times when she could recall a distant memory from when she was a wandering soul filled with bloodlust, or maybe the feeling of being abandoned and unwanted by her mother, or perhaps the time she died in Izayuki's arms. Those were the times when she could not shake them off so easily. They stuck to her mind, stuck to her very being. And no matter how hard she tried to remove them she was still shaken to the core.
Last night had been no different. the memory itself was vague now, but the feeling was still there. The pain of dying before she was even born. It was just darkness, and then death. Nothing else. There was nothing more painful than to not even live before you die. To die alone, knowing nothing of this world other than the embrace of death.
The silvernette turned her attention towards her arm, tracing it up and down slowly with a delicate finger, feeling the light touch upon her skin.
But she was alive. How? She took the life of another. That's what her kind did. Filled with wrath the unborn souls search out for a host, another pregnant woman. Then they consume the soul of the baby still growing inside and take their place. She had done that. She had killed the originally Astrid Foss. And in return she got to live as her, in her place. She was living a life that was not supposed to be her's, but rather someone else's. All of the things she was going through shouldn't even really be her issues. But they were. Because she is Astrid, at least now she is.
Purple optics looked back up towards the dark sky, the reflection of thousands of stars shining within them.
The guild master could not help but wonder what the original Astrid would have done if she was in this situation. But she guessed, if this was the original Astrid she wouldn't even be in this situation right now. She herself wouldn't even exist at the current moment, and the Astrid she killed would probably either be dead, living, or maybe... Just maybe she would be doing exactly what she was doing right now, starring up at the same starry night sky and wondering where to go from here. It was a weird thought, but not an impossible one. After all what really made a person a person in the first place? They say personality and memories, as well as influences from other people. If that was the case, then wouldn't that mean she was taking every single step the other Astrid would have taken? It's like, her fate is already laid out for her, and she is just watching from this perspective.
Realizing she was once again thinking too deep about things Astrid shook her head, patting herself on the cheeks in order to wake herself up from her half-sleep thoughts.
It was too early to be thinking about deep things. What was done is done, and she had to live with it. She knew this, she always has since she first found out what she was.
If fate did exist, then there was a reason she was here. There was a reason for all of this in the first place. Her consuming Astrid's soul and taking her place was not something she can prevent or stop. There is a reason she is still alive, there is a reason for everything. She just had to remember that.
After gathering herself once more the elf neatly folded the futon and made her way towards the main entrance of the mountain. She tripped over a lose rock once, but that was only inevitable when you lived in constant darkness and your slayer senses were will a bit too tired to function correctly. It was a good thing Sirius naturally radiated light and was... You know, about fifty feet tall, otherwise she might get lost in those massive tunnels forever.
She guessed it was about time for her training anyway, Sirius liked to train her as soon as she got up, that way they could get the tough stuff out of the way early and still have time to relax more. He liked to tell her stories of the past, and Astrid was naturally curious and drawn to such things. She liked the stories of old, always have, especially the books that told of such things. But to have an actual person who was there for these certain events was more than she could have ever wanted or dreamed. There was something raw and more powerful when they were told first hand. There was no censorship or wordplay, Sirius just told it like it is. It was fascinating, and defiantly her favorite part of their training.
As she got closer and closer to where the dragon resided the elf could see the light from within the cavern growing bright and brighter, to the point where at somewhere in the middle she had to squint her eyes in order to get used to the light once more...
But then something hit her randomly. A smell hit her sensitive slayer nose, all the way to the back of her throat. For some reason it smelled like something was... Burning.
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Last edited by Madame Astrid on 20th August 2017, 10:07 pm; edited 1 time in total