The Backwards Hat!

The Job:

James had been living in Hargeon town with his guild for some time now. One night as James was leaving the guild hall, he spotted a man in the streets handing out fliers, and shouting “Come to the Backwards Hat this Friday night! Its comedy night.” James thought a comedy night could be fun, and a good break from his usually blood and violent work. He approached the man and spoke “Comedy night huh? That sounds like a good time. Just tell me when this is going down.” The man began biting his nails nervously and a drip of sweat went down his brow, “Ok ok ok! I admit we don’t have a comedian for comedy night, I told at least twenty-five people we did. But we don’t! The Backwards Hat’s good name is ruined unless I can find someone funny in time!” James stuck his hand out and his heart filled with pride at the chance to show off in front of a crowd, “Fear not, I’m known as James Steel. The best comedian in all of Fiore!” he boasted. The nervous man immediately bought James bluff, “Oh thank you sir! The Backward Hat thanks you too! The event will start at exactly 9 pm, please don’t be late.” James took a flier from the man and gave a quick nod before walking back to his home in preparation.

Once he reached his apartment, James took a shower, and dressed himself in a solid black suit. James was about to head out the door when he realized he didn’t have any material. The people in the club would never be entertained if he couldn’t come up with a few good Jokes. He rushed over to a desk near his bed, to pull out a sheet of paper and a pen, James then began writing every joke he could think of. Time had gone by fast, but James was confident he had written some fine material, some even the unhappiest of all would crack a smile at. The time was exactly 9 pm, and James had arrived at the Backwards Hat. The crowd was packed with around fifty to seventy people, the man who handed out the fliers approached James and shook his hand, “Thank you so much for showing up Mr. Steel, allow me to properly introduce myself. I’m Mason Cross, owner of this new establishment.” James grinned replying “Nice to properly meet you too I suppose. Now, when should I go on?” the man immediately motioned for James to step onto the stage.

As James walked up, lights shined down on him from the ceiling. The people began a small applause as James began. “Hey everyone, I Steel, James Steel. What does a vampire call when his car breaks down three miles from the blood bank? A cab!” James managed to get a slight chuckle from one guy in the back, but no one else seemed amused. James swallowed quickly “Heh heh, is this thing on? Alright, What do you call 500 Lawyers at the bottom of the ocean… A good start!” A few more people laughed at this joke, only about half the people in the joint, but James was certainly getting better. He cleared his throat and began again “A man once told his mother: Hey mom, I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife! She said: Good Trade!” this time, most of the crowd laughed at the joke with the exception of a single old lady. Seeing the crowd liked this, James told his next one “Yo' mama so stupid, she walked into an antique shop and asked, ‘What's new?’” this time all members of the audience were laughing, even the resilient old lady. Fortunatly, James had one last joke to finish them off with, his secret weapon “During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!" the crowd laughed especially hard at the joke, and James took a bow as they applauded him off the stage. He walked over to the owner and asked “Was that good enough for ya?” the man still laughing a little said “That was an excellent performance! Here’s your pay, and anytime you need a job preforming, come to the Backwards Hat!”

Word Count: 768