A Longing Compassion [Private/Yuiisai]

Social interaction came in large doses for Ahote. Sol and Famine went on extensive jobs that lasted for several days, their attendants busying themselves with what Ahote assumed to be work and other Basilisks lurking the halls in areas Ahote didn't explore. Not to mention that said Basilisks were already pretty menacing, and never thought of interacting with them. So most days the boy tucked himself away in his room, reading books, studying the mountain, learning about the world he couldn't explore. If anything, the boy was always a bookworm and never minded spending hours and hours reading text, but a craving for something more physical, good for the soul swelled within him. He began interacting with the settlers more and even venturing beyond Mt. Hakobe into nearby territories, such as the Spooky Forest and other nearby towns. At first, the boy was obviously quite nervous of going behind his Mother's back and defying her wish of him staying on Mt. Hakobe grounds, but as he continued to do it and often, those qualms settled into a peace.

Today, however, the boy had made a choice to relieve himself of the tedious readings and do something else. Not quite a job, nor exploring beyond Mt. Hakobe for that matter, but visiting a companion whom he has had lingering in the back of his head for quite a while. Yuiisai, a long-haired, beautiful man who certainly stood out, according to Ahote. If anything, he was perhaps the only person the boy could open up to besides his Mother, and needed those attentive ears at this moment.

Recently, the boy had committed an act that left him feeling lethargic and horrified, among other things. But since the talk he had had with Famine, all seemed well. But that didn't stop him from wanting to express this experience with someone he held so much trust in.

Ahote dressed himself in a thick, woolen coat, brown leather boots and a black scarf, preparing to make way over to his Father's domain. He did not often visit this particular domain, since winds seemed chillier at that altitude despite the short trip. But he would rather get that commute over with if it meant to sit down with Yuiisai again. The idea motivated him, and with a small bag filled with small items and the slam of his bedroom door, the boy made way to The Castle of Eternal Night.

An hour or two had passed before Ahote had arrived at the castle, marveling at its size. It rivaled the fortress's own scale, but had no time to appreciate the structure as the chilly winds bit his rosy cheeks. Quickly, the boy floundered over to the castle grounds, ahead of him a set of gates and beyond that a set of a doors. Through both did the boy move, and inside the castle is where he felt his guard ease and a rush of warmth hit his cooled face. With a stiff push of his left arm, the door shut behind Ahote, leaving him and the darkness alone with each other.

Ahote had only visited this domain a few times and never had the opportunity to explore it like he did the fortress, so what lie ahead of the corridors, or who all but Sol and Yuiisai dormed here was a mystery to the boy, making him hesitate to go forward. So instead, he worked up the courage to shout out into the nothing, hoping someone would reply. "Helloooo?
Anyone here? Hellooooo?" Ahote shouted out, a metal hand cupping around his mouth.

Despite the his calls, no one seemed to have replied. But this was nothing worthy of being frustrated over, as there was much else to do besides stand there and blindly call into the nothing. The boy was eager to explore and to unveil his father's domain's secrets, but knew he would eventually be discovered. The youth was used to the silence and the darkness, but it seemed especially eerie knowing that he was facing the unknown. He knew not of what great powers he father wielded and wished to avoid them during his stay here, but feared that it may be an inevitable outcome if he wandered about the corridors. It was probably best if he waited here.

As the boy continued to call out into the darkness, he rotated his head about to observe the features of the building before him. Fine, resilient stone walls with a lot of wide, open space to roam and meander about. It felt much more spacious than the Basilisk Fang fortress, with room to run and jump and other activities. It was a pity that his father didn't bring him more often. Really, it was a shame that the two hardly spent any time together at all. It was easy for the word "father" to roll off the tongue, but what about "son?" Ahote struggled to recall many moments where Sol had said such things. Sometimes he wondered if Sol acknowledged him as his own, or maybe some weak, fleshy boy who just so happened to be labeled as his son through his relationship with Famine. Regardless, Ahote never thought of proving himself to his father, nor had Sol asked for such a trial. There were times he wished he had the sort of relationship with his father as he did with his mother, something close and intimate.

Alas, it was a relationship that seemed far fetched. Ahote knew that it would effect Sol in minuscule levels if he were to disappear, and even if the thought saddened him, he began to be okay with this.

Abruptly, his train of thought was interrupted by a rather beautiful man who wore clothing Ahote had acquainted himself with as of late. If anything, it reminded him of Yuiisai. His soft smile and long locks, it was all very mesmerizing. The boy simpered and ran his metal digits through his raven locks, looking down at his toes whilst speaking, never having good eye contact during conversations, "Yes actually, you might. I'm looking for a man named Yuiisai.
. . if you've seen him." He responded in his usual soft, quiet voice. "Is he here? I sure hope he is. . . walked an awful long way to get here." He chuckled, bobbing his head back at the closed doors.

Ahote was never good with strangers or anyone outside of his family, never having the same communication skills or mannerisms he was expected to have. But as of late, since the murder, the boy stuttered little and found himself speaking more than thinking during conversations. Or perhaps he simply voiced his thoughts more, it was a subject he was quite unsure of. Regardless, the boy perked up as the man commented on these small things. Though, Ahote was starting to think it wasn't so small since most everyone who noticed it said something on it.

"Oh, uhm. . . sorry. I didn't mean to be. . . erm, sorry." The boy sputtered, raising his head and regaining eye contact with his orangish-gold hues. Even if his voice wasn't as harsh and demanding as his words, he could still feel some pressure radiate off of the man and onto him during their conversation. When many would point out his lack of eye contact, or poor communication and conversation skills in general, he became a nervous train wreck. Though he wasn't quite sure as to why Ahote reminded him of a lost little boy. Appearance, perhaps? Maybe his demeanor? Regardless of what it is, Ahote frowned, briefly averting his gaze like a pouting child.

The man continued and told about his training today, whatever that meant. Though a thought had crossed his mind. Who was this man? It disturbed Ahote that he had been so disconnected from his parents that he hardly knew the people who seemingly dormed with them. This could also be the work of Famine, who sheltered him, physically and mentally his entire life. It was no surprise that he knew only about a dozen people, and usually he only met those people through recruitment into Basilisk Fang or wanderers who were nearby. "It's quite alright. I imagine that sort of stuff would drain a person." Ahote insisted, quick to reply. But what did come as a surprise was his next question, requesting his name and reasoning in believing that Yuiisai would be here. Ahote was convinced that most people did not know what the boy looked like, physically, since he was holed up in his room most of the time. But not knowing who he was in general was a new idea to the boy. Regardless, he answered earnestly after he introduced himself. “My name’s Ahote. I’m your Lord and Famine’s son, and thought that Yuiisai might be here because he isn’t back home at the fortress. Am I mistaken?” Ahote furrowed his brows, worried that perhaps he might’ve been incorrect in his assumptions. Truthfully, the boy knew that he at least stayed here. If he wasn’t at the fortress, he would probably either be on a job, assignment, or other structures on Mt. Hakobe. It didn’t take a lot of a brain to figure out there there was a fifty-fifty chance he was here.

It didn’t help the boy settle his nerves at the mention of beasts roaming the corridor. Ahote smiled weakly, chuckling, “Good to know, I guess. Though you’d think a man who prides himself in power would find no need set up traps in his domain. Learn something new everyday, huh?”

Ahote listened attentively to the older man, who spoke of the boy's humanity, leaving Ahote to wonder what he did to give off such a message that he was human. Was it his nerves? His inability to maintain eye contact? It was the little things like this that fed his thought, provoking questions that would otherwise some trivial. But unfortunately, the boy's relaxed and calm demeanor was briefly washed away with irritation upon Aguya's comment that he wouldn't last without his parents.

Ahote found it deeply agitating and disrespectful that he would make such a comment, or rather an assumption that he wouldn't last without his parents. He was completely capable of taking care of himself, as he had been doing since birth. Even if his parents were there, most times they weren't ever present. At least not in his everyday life. But as quickly as he felt himself fill with anger did he empty himself of it and return to a relaxed and calm demeanor, knowing that there was some truth to his words, and that if he didn't want to be treated like a fragile object he prove that he was otherwise.

Ahote didn't dislike Aguya, but appreciated his honesty and bluntness, something that both he and Yuiisai both seemed to have and exemplify. The raven haired youth would then smile in Aguya's next comment, understanding that he and his father radiated much different types of energy, Ahote's being gentle and soft with Sol's being wild and rather dangerous, or at least according to Ahote. He wasn't around him enough to accurately describe the energy that he gave off, saddening the boy. If anything, he wanted to be more like his parents and their sturdy attendants, but often felt as if he was losing himself in achieving a pedestal fit for those of only a certain size, a certain nature, a certain persona, all things he did not share among them. There was one clear thing that separated him from everyone else, and it was his spirit alone. Basilisk Fang could house a human boy, but never a human heart. He was convinced that there were parts of himself that he must abandon or change in order to be recognized as more than a child who needed to be protected, and it became a fire that drove him.

There were many more strange things that Aguya continued to say, talking of his flying lessons and of Yuiisai's gender being female. It wasn't as surprising in realizing that Aguya was not human in the slightest, judging by his comments thus far, and that perhaps Yuiisai had more to be seen that what has already been at face value. But the sudden change in pronouns was puzzling. Yuiisai was clearly male, and Ahote was convinced that Aguya had either made a mistake or something had strange honorifics. Ahote thought little of it.

Aguya continued, going off on what seemed to be a tangent, or a lecture of sorts on Sol's defenses. Truthfully, Ahote took his words with a grain of salt, realizing that it was expected that he would praise his Father, being his servant's servant. The boy was undoubtedly convinced that his father was not as great as others made him out to be, but kept such thoughts to himself, even from his Mother. He never wanted to engage in arguments, as they would likely provoke. So, the boy sighed and nodded, "You'd know him better than I would, so I'll take your word for it." Ahote acknowledged in a tired, hushed voice before trailing behind the man in silence.

He was unsure why older men and women were so quick to see him as some sort of fragile object. He spent great amounts of time on the subject and came up with a number of conclusions. Perhaps it was because he was smaller, more socially anxious, softer than his parents. What standards was he to meet before he was on a pedestal of equivalent prestige that of his parents? How far would he have to push himself? How much would he have to change? These seemed like questions better experienced than planned, and so he often dropped the thought when it came about.

The awkward silence broke upon Aguya's silvery voice breaking the thin ice that coated their ability to converse, Ahote lifting his head to view the broad back of the older, stronger man. Although he did not believe an apology or explanation was necessary, he decided to accept it anyway without any sort of retort. However, blunt or not, some things should simply be kept to one's self if it's not needed, according to Ahote. "Nonsense, I appreciate men and women who speak honestly. All is well, mister Aguya." he chuckle, a small, bright smile stretching across his face. It didn't make Ahote feel any better that he was endearing to Aguya, but he supposed it was nice to know. The raven haired youth decided to acknowledge Aguya's comments with nods as opposed to words as they continued, no longer wishing to speak. He had many curiosities regarding the man escorting him, but saved them for a later date.

The pair eventually stopped at a door, which Ahote assumed to be the dorm or quarters of Yuiisai. But in the brief moments of Aguya and the obscured Yuiisai conversing, their words and gestures became like static, and any eagerness or excitement he felt in the thought of seeing him again became diluted, almost nothing. All these feelings were quickly overshadowed in his brooding over the murder. No, he no longer felt lethargic in re-imagining the scene, no longer felt like dying, like shutting himself away in his room until rodents found him. Just like with Famine, the only thing he felt worried about was forgiveness and acceptance. He felt no shame in killing the man, no guilt, and would never apologize for it.

The door slid open, a burst of light thrusting out into the darkness of the castle corridors, but Ahote still did not raise his head, a cloud of thought shrouding his mind. It was't until Yuiisai addressed him by the usual honorific of "young lord" that the boy gave his undivided attention. He wasn't quite paying attention to the conversation, but smiled and dipped his head in greetings regardless. "It's quite alright, Yuiisai." Ahote insisted as he was taken to a familiar low table, Aguya joining them.

Ahote had no qualms with the unexpected company and proceeded to build up the strength to speak in the midst of deep thought. "I wanted to talk to you about something." he began, twiddling his thumbs together. It was less out of anxiousness and more to do with his inability to be idle, being a rather restless child. In the past, the boy had struggled with eye contact, and still did, but his topaz hues never left Yuiisai's, "I killed a man a couple of weeks ago.
An older man in the settlement closest to the fortress, at the foot of the mountain." he confessed, followed by a quick, weary sigh. Each time he told people this, it felt as if there were heavy weights on his chest. Weights that simply wouldn't lift lest he confessed this crime to people he cared about deeply. At first, he was afraid of doing so. But after doing such a thing to Famine, it seemed much easier.

"It was my first time killing someone, you know. Murdering someone. I beat him to death, with a stone. It didn't feel good. . . but didn't feel bad either. The only thing I felt was the anger and frustration and fury and all variations of such a powerful emotion sink into my stone, and from that stone into his flesh, and didn't stop until I was completely relieved of it." Ahote began to go off on a tangent, vocalizing things he's never told himself or Famine for that matter. At this point, it helped him to vocalize the things he feared. Fearing that perhaps he was detached to human life. "I'm beginning to put together what everyone has been doing behind my back. That maybe I've been surrounded and raised by murderers and criminals my entire life. But I've never felt so okay with what would seem to be something so disturbing, I've felt so content with that old man's murder. It's not the violence that gets to me, it's other thoughts, deeper thoughts. But I did learn something from this experience," Ahote stressed, brows furrowing rather sadly, "I'm useless as I am now, a human boy in a place unfit for human hearts. I've created a resolve to work under my Mother to nurture me as a mage, in hopes I may be a productive, strong man in the future. I just don't know what parts of myself to sacrifice in order to achieve that sort of strength. . . it scares me. But the thought of wasting space and being idle while everyone else is going on achieving great things is far scarier than any sacrifice I'd have to make." He finished, looking back down at his twiddling fingers. It was the longest he had held such great eye contact on such a serious subject, it was only natural he'd revert back his usual anxious ways before. If anything wouldn't change, it would be the boys softness. He was a gentle spirit, now and forever.

"You're very important to me. . . so. . . I just thought you should know. . . sorry for talking so much without a breath. . ."