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    Winter Wonderland || Completed

    The Bird
    The Bird

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    Lineage : Lucifer's Descent
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    Winter Wonderland || Completed Empty Winter Wonderland || Completed

    Post by The Bird 31st May 2016, 9:58 am

    Winter Wonderland

    Primary Magic: Winter Wonderland
    Secondary Magic: N/A
    Caster or Holder: Caster
    Description: Winter Wonderland is a magic that allows the user to manipulate the elements of the season, primarily snow. Rather than dealing damage, however, this magic utilizes the white and powdery stuff to weave a web of affects and status conditions to make it easier for Grace and/or her allies to dispatch enemies.
    Strengths:

    • This magic is extremely useful for group environments.
    • Creates status effects and other impediments to opponent’s movements, defense, and offensive capabilities.
    • Is useful for trickery and unorthodox strategies.
    • Snow created by this magic cannot be melted by naturally occuring weather.

    Weaknesses:

    • Has very little in the way of direct damage.
    • Snow can be easily dispersed by the wind.
    • Snow can be melted by fire magic, nullifying the effects of the spell.
    • Is almost useless on its own.
    • Requires a good team to use effectively.

    Lineage:
    Spirit Warrior:
    Unique Abilities:

    • Winter Manipulation and Creation- This ability allows the user to create and manipulate snow, and, to a limited degree, ice and sleet at will; this also allows her to cast her spells as well as create items out of solidified snow or sleet (equivalent to a weak weapon). In addition, if it is snowing or below freezing outside, spells mana costs are reduced by 5% at D-rank. (+5% for every rank above D).
    • Silence in the Snow- When it is snowing outside, Grace has the ability to camoflague herself from the senses of sight and smell, effectively becoming invisible to mages of her rank or below; in addition, her movements make no sound in the snow, and she has a 20% boost to her speed.
    • Hardened in the Cold- This ability grants Grace a 15% buff to strength and resistance to all forms of damage; when it is cold outside or snowing, this buff jumps to 25%. Grace is immune to the ill effects of naturally occuring cold temperatures.


    Spells:

    Name: Snow Blind
    Rank: D
    Type: Instant
    Duration: 1 post
    Cooldown: 2 posts
    Description: Graces throws a snowball at someone’s face to blind them; deals five damage and blinds an opponent. (Target blinded until they wipe the snow from their face; C-rank mages get blurred vision, and mages above that are left with an unamused look on their face.)
    Strengths:

    • Cheap shot to get out of a sticky situation.

    Weaknesses:

    • Does very little damage.
    • Target can wipe the snow off their face to shave one post off of the blinding.

    Name: Flurries
    Rank: D
    Type: AoE, Supportive
    Duration: 3 post
    Cooldown: 4 posts
    Description: In this spell, Grace creates an area of snow flurries around her. While an opponent is within the area, their MP drops by 5% per post. In addition, they have a 10% debuff against physical attacks (with or without weapons). (Effects cut in half for C-rank mages and nonexistent beyond that.
    Strengths:

    • Reduces the amount of mana someone has available.
    • Makes them (slightly) more vulnerable to damage.
    • The flurries move with Grace.

    Weaknesses:

    • Practically useless against higher ranked mages.
    • At an area of only 15 meters, it’s AoE is extremely limited.
    • Wind mages could easily blow the snow away, ending the spell.
    • Spell’s effects are cut in half if the target is wearing winter clothing (scarfs, coats, etc).


    Name: Snowball
    Rank: D
    Type: Instant
    Duration: 1 post
    Cooldown: 2 posts
    Description: Grace creates a hardened snow ball and throws it at her opponent. (Deals D-ranked damage)
    Strengths:

    • Cheap damage.

    Weaknesses:

    • Can easily be melted before it reaches it’s target.
    • Could easily come apart in mid-air.


    Name: Flurries, v.2
    Rank: D
    Type: AoE
    Duration: 3 posts
    Cooldown:  4 posts
    Description: Unlike the first iteration of “Flurries”, v.2 is used in a more benevolent fashion. For each post an ally is in the area of snow flurries, they are healed 2/3’s of D-rank damage; by extension, Grace is healed as well. (healing cut in half for mages above D-rank).
    Strengths:

    • Flurries follow Grace wherever she goes.
    • Heals allies of D-rank considerably.

    Weaknesses:

    • Flurries can be blown away or melted.
    • Allies must be within the flurries.
    • Like the original “Flurries,” the AoE is only 15 meters.


    Last edited by The Bird on 31st May 2016, 6:06 pm; edited 2 times in total
    That Adopted Kid
    That Adopted Kid

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    Winter Wonderland || Completed Empty Re: Winter Wonderland || Completed

    Post by That Adopted Kid 31st May 2016, 3:30 pm

    Hi there, please don't attack me in a swarm with your fellow feathered friends. My name is That Adopted Kid (well not my real name but you get the gist) and I'll be the one moderating your magic, it has a cool concept, controlling a season which can do a lot is pretty neat. There are some tweaks here and there but overall I think the concept is solid and has a lot of potential. Changes that are requested will be in this color, and if you have any color blind issues please let me know so I can change up the color used. Now then, you are probably dying to get to the actual grading part, though, so here we go.

    The Bird wrote:Winter Wonderland

    Primary Magic: Winter Wonderland
    Secondary Magic: N/A
    Caster or Holder: Caster
    Description: Winter Wonderland is a magic that allows the user to manipulate the elements of the season, primarily snow. Rather than dealing damage, however, this magic utilizes the white and powdery stuff to weave a web of affects and status conditions to make it easier for Grace and/or her allies to dispatch enemies. Cool concept for magic, and there is a lot you can do with it. Would you care to elaborate more on what this magic can do, effects wise, damage wise, and if it has any kind of weaknesses and strengths within the description itself too? Expound a little bit more on how Grace uses the magic as well, basically just have fun with that description, kind of like a fighting style.
    Strengths:

    • This magic is extremely useful for group environments.
    • Creates status effects and other impediments to opponent’s movements, defense, and offensive capabilities.
    • Is useful for trickery and unorthodox strategies.
    • Snow created by this magic cannot be melted by weather. I assume you mean non-magical? or do you also mean magical? not a judgement I am just curious.

    Weaknesses:

    • Has very little in the way of direct damage.
    • Snow can be easily dispersed by the wind.
    • Snow can be melted by fire magic, nullifying the effects of the spell.
    • Is almost useless on its own.
    • Requires a good team to use effectively.

    Lineage: Spirit Warrior Would you mind putting the full description of the lineage within your magic, it can be located at this post, and will help others out, later on, thanks a bunch.
    Unique Abilities:

    • Winter Manipulation and Creation- This ability allows the user to create and manipulate snow, and, to a limited degree, ice and sleet at will; this also allows her to cast her spells as well as create items out of solidified snow or sleet (equivalent to a weak weapon). In addition, if it is snowing or below freezing outside, spells mana costs are reduced by 20%. I like this ability a lot, however would it be cool (pun) for me to ask for you to change it up to be a little rank chart, so at D rank the spell would cost 5% less instead of the 20% you have now, BUT at C rank it would go up to 10%, with it increasing by 5% after that, so in the long run, it would be like, D5, C10, B15, A20, S25. While it wouldn't be as much earlier on it would be more, later on, and you could even make it apply to when you used spells to make it winter as well, rather than if it is just cold outside.
    • Silence in the Snow- When it is snowing outside, Grace has the ability to camoflague herself, effectively becoming invisible; in additon, her movements make no sound in the snow, and she has a 20% boost to her speed. Being invisible as in visual or to senses, either way going to have to say to her rank or lower for the effect, other than that it looks fine.
    • Hardened in the Cold- Naturally has a 30% increase to her strength and a 20% resistance to all damage; when it is snowing, the strength buff jumps to 60%, and the endurance buff to 40%; in addition, Grace is immune to the ill-effects of cold temperatures. 60% is a lot to ask for especially with a damage reduction, tell you what, considering this is technically 3 stats being buffed here, I could give you a flat 25% increase to strength and magical and physical damage resistance, if you made it apply in the cold, and a 15% to damage resistance and strength outside of it. I know it's not as high, but damage reduction applies after the opponents modifiers so that means even 15% is very potent. The ill effects from the cold could be made a strength if you want, or you could keep it in here, just wanted to point out your options. Though keep in mind magical sources should still do something.


    Spells:

    Name: Snow Blind
    Rank: D
    Type: Instant
    Duration: 1 post
    Cooldown: 2 posts
    Description: Graces throws a snowball at someone’s face to blind them; deals five damage and blinds an opponent. (Target blinded for three posts, minus one post for each rank the target is above D-rank; minimum of one post.) Sadly effects can't go over the duration of the post, could just state till they wipe the snow from their eyes or something, and yeah those a rank above the spell should take half effects (not damage) from it, so I guess blurred vision, and then 2 ranks above nothing. Love the first line, though. Type would also be offensive, even though it doesn't insult their mother.
    Strengths:

    • Cheap shot to get out of a sticky situation.

    Weaknesses:

    • Does very little damage.
    • Target can wipe the snow off their face to shave one post off of the blinding.

    Name: Flurries
    Rank: D
    Type: AoE, DoT(?)
    Duration: 3 post
    Cooldown: 4 posts
    Description: In this spell, Grace creates an area of snow flurries around her. While an opponent is within the area, their MP drops by 5% per post. In addition, they have a 10% debuff against physical attacks (with or without weapons). For every rank above D, subtract 1% from each percentage (A rank max). Type would be supportive actually, can still keep the rest if you want, you just seemed a bit confused as to what it meant. The actual effect is mostly fine, but as stated in the previous spell those who are 1 rank higher would take half effects, and those 2 ranks higher wouldn't take any, so 2.5% per for lost for C rank and 5% debuff against physical attacks.
    Strengths:

    • Reduces the amount of mana someone has available.
    • Makes them (slightly) more vulnerable to damage.
    • The flurries move with Grace.

    Weaknesses:

    • Practically useless against higher ranked mages.
    • At an area of only 15 meters, it’s AoE is extremely limited.
    • Wind mages could easily blow the snow away, ending the spell.
    • Spell’s effects are cut in half if the target is wearing winter clothing (scarfs, coats, etc).


    Name: Snowball
    Rank: D
    Type: Instant
    Duration: 1 post
    Cooldown: 2 posts
    Description: Grace creates a hardened snow ball and throws it at her opponent. (Deals D-ranked damage)
    Strengths:

    • Cheap damage.

    Weaknesses:

    • Can easily be melted before it reaches it’s target.
    • Could easily come apart in mid-air.


    Name: Flurries, v.2
    Rank: D
    Type: AoE
    Duration: 3 posts
    Cooldown:  4 posts
    Description: Unlike the first iteration of “Flurries”, v.2 is used in a more benevolent fashion. For each post an ally is in the area of snow flurries, they are healed 2/3’s of D-rank damage; by extension, Grace is healed as well. (healing cut in half for mages above D-rank).
    Strengths: if you want you can just make this heal for 5% HP, or you can keep it the way it is if you want.

    • Flurries follow Grace wherever she goes.
    • Heals allies of D-rank considerably.

    Weaknesses:

    • Flurries can be blown away or melted.
    • Allies must be within the flurries.
    • Like the original “Flurries,” the AoE is only 15 meters.



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    The Bird
    The Bird

    Player 
    Lineage : Lucifer's Descent
    Position : None
    Posts : 65
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    Cosmic Coins : 0
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    Experience : 75

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    Winter Wonderland || Completed Empty Re: Winter Wonderland || Completed

    Post by The Bird 31st May 2016, 3:53 pm

    Thanks for the critiques and the suggestions, TAK. I was half asleep when I wrote most of this, so I apologize for the lack of details on the description; but, I'll try and have my edits up in the very near future. ^^

    EDIT: Also, the 60% buff was for physical strength, not damage resistance. That being said, I do agree that the buffs were a bit much. Better to shoot for the moon first, right? :P
    The Bird
    The Bird

    Player 
    Lineage : Lucifer's Descent
    Position : None
    Posts : 65
    Guild : Guildless
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 75

    Character Sheet
    First Skill:
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Winter Wonderland || Completed Empty Re: Winter Wonderland || Completed

    Post by The Bird 31st May 2016, 5:27 pm

    I don't know why my brain isn't cooperating on fleshing out the description more, but all of the other edits are done near as I can tell. If it's absolutely necessary to redo the description, I'll try and eek something out; but, if not, I think I'll leave it as is for now and nab it next time I have to edit my magic. >.>


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    D: 2 C: 0 B: 0 A: 0 S: 0 SS: 0
    That Adopted Kid
    That Adopted Kid

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    Winter Wonderland || Completed Empty Re: Winter Wonderland || Completed

    Post by That Adopted Kid 31st May 2016, 10:38 pm

    There is no actual minimum for it, so it's fine if I approve it now, just try to think of some more stuff to fill it with later, for others to get a grasp on the magic, and because it can be fun to describe a cool concept, and yes it is a good idea to try and shoot high, the worst that happens is it gets lowered. In either case, approved go have fun.


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