Pino noir

''Nononoono fire mages are the fucking worst man, they all think they're hot shit, just because they can throw some burning balls, And the worst part about it is that they are freaking every where man. What happened to all the ice people.'' Ganch spouted out drunkenly to the merry band of mages that he'd come across on his trip to rose gardens.

''Ahhhh fuck off mate, you're one to talk, you Wind wiffing hippie, come back, when you're more than a homeless maid'' a red haired big guy shouted out from the other side of the table, spit spraying from his mouth as he talked.

''Jeeesus christ i didn't know you knew water magic'' Ganch responded before popping another bottle of wine, filling his cup. And pouring it up straight into his mouth. Sadly it didn't work out so well, and he ended up looking like he'd fought a troll with nothing but a spoon.

''HAAAAH you can't even drink proberly you fookin' airhead'' the big guy shouted as he let out a flood of saliva at the mess of vine and cloth infront of him.

Ganch responded with some light laughter as he looked around him as if he was searching for someone. ''Hey asshole, what happened to the short guy i need someone sufferable to even out the dumbassery''

The big guy grinned at him at first but then as he looked to the sides he wrinkled his brow in confusion. ''I dunno.. Bathroom???'' he said before grabbing the nowly popped bottle only to fail filling his cup. After a third of the bottle was already on the table he decided that it wasn't worth it and just started pouring it into his mouth instead.

The suit wearing snobs in the fancy wine bar who had already thrown countless Hmphs, and eye rolls at the barbaric loudmouthed mages in the corner were now starting to get visibly upset. The lack of tablemanners was astonishing.enough already but now they were pouring out the wine on the table?? UNNACEPTABLE!!! Suit wearing old man after suit wearing old man walked back into the kitchen to complain to the owner while an army of old dress wearing ladies scoffed at them in disgust.

Now Ganch wasn't ignorant of this no, quite the opposite, but he was having too much fun to really care, he just found it kinda amusing how much these stuck up vine tasters seemed to distain fun so much. They needed a little bit of a wake up call and Ganch was delivering.

In the kitchen the Owner of the resturant was pouring up his newly brewed wine, smelling and tasting it but to no use. His taste buds just didn't work the same as they did before. The moustache man sat on his chair just staring at his newly brewed wine with distain... He couldn't judge it himself. no he was way to bias.. and all the noblemen were too polite to bring be honest about it, he'd let the noblemen entering the kitchen complaining give it a taste, and all of them said that it was excellent, but he just didn't belive it... everytime he swivelled it around in his mouth something just gelt off and he couldn't put a finger on it. He needed someone to try this.. someone impolite, someone brutish, someone who doesn't visit wine bars,and as yet another complaining guest burst into the kitchen he belived that he'd found his lab rat.

Ganch sat by the table laughing his ass of at the raving red haired brute as he tried desperately to wipe the wine off the table. But right in the middle of his laughing fit he was interrupted by a wrinkly hand slamming down on the table. The scoffing snobs grinned at him maliciously,finally this nuisance was going to get kicked out.


Ganch noticed this and got a little distressed, why did they seem so smug about this?? Suuurely they couldn't kick him out for screaming and pouring wine all over the floor.... okay maybe they could.

The old man cleared his throat and went on to say, ''Soo.. i have been informed by my customers that you two have been disrupting the peace and vandalizing my property..''The smug smiles of the snobs started getting to smug levels never seen before.
But just as Ganch was about to pack up and leave, letting the snobs gourge on his misfortune the old man kept talking.

''That is why i have chosen you to be the unbiased tasters of my brand new wine. You do seem like people who enjoy alcohol after all'' As he said this, the smuggness of all the snobs in the area dropped to 0 as they almost literally dropped their jaws a loud ''WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT'' could be heard from nearly every snob in the building. With a big smile Ganch absorbed the smuggness and leaned back in the chair before reaching out his glass. ''As long as it's free'' he said. and the old man nodded before filling the bottom of his glass with a swig of the dark red liquid.
''Now all i ask of you is to be completely honest, i can take the critisism''

Ganch smiled and nodded before consuming all the wine in one gulp, but then just as fast as it had come down, it came back up again, as his face went pale white and he started coughing violently. ''T-t-this tastes like *cough* P-p-piss'' he said as he looked out infront of the table. The snobs almost shat themselves again as the old man stated speaking ''Is it really that bad?? Could you please describe what is making you feel that way'' Ganch who still sat there shaking looked up at the old man and gulped before answering.

''The problem is that they taste like piss... Literally it tastes like Piss no joke'' The old man sighed and shook his head, looks like this was a mistake after all, he thought, but before he got to walk back into the kitchen a large hand grabbed the bottle from his hand. The red haired man looked over at ganch and let out a loud pfffft before he started talking. ''HAH dont worry sir this guy is just a bit of a complete pussy, It's probably just a little strong for his baby taste buds'' He said before he uncorked the bottle and started pouring it into his mouth, but just as it entered his mouth, he dropped the bottle to grab his throat as he started coughing and gagging violently.

''Hoooly shit, it tastes like licking a urinal. This isn't vine, heck this isn't even alcohol, this is piss. What kind of a resturant is this'' he said like he had a right to complain. That got the old man thinking... surely it couldn't be that bad. no he had to try it again. With a quick swig of the bottle he'd caught, he was immediately brought to the floor.

He hadn't felt it before but now when it had been explained to him... ''By god... this tastes like urine..''he said as he stared at the bottle in disbelief.

''I apologize for not beliveing you sir, you two have saved my business, i was just about to put this on the menu. i do not know what could've happened but as my thanks to you, all of your food and drinks for the night will be on the house'' He said while looking over at Ganch.

''Hey man no problem, i'll promise not to tell people about th.... '' he started responding to the old man but mid sentence he was interrupted by a very familiar short man stepping out of the kitchen, fiddleing with his fly.

That is when Ganch immediately threw up on the table.