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    Alice Crystals Magic Registration

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    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Empty Alice Crystals Magic Registration

    Post by Guest 1st January 2013, 1:57 pm

    Primary Magic: Celestial spirit summoning
    Secondary Magic: n/a
    Caster or Holder: Holder
    Description: When a mage gets a hold of a key, they must form a contract with the spirit that is linked with the key. The spirit is then bound to them and will try their hardest to aid to their masters request. The users rank determines how many spirits he or she can summon at once. The duration of each spirit is 3 posts.
    Strengths: The master fights along side the spirit, their for giving them an advantage. The spirit can not be killed, only sent back to the spirit world.
    Weaknesses: When a spirit is beaten, or if its energy is used up, they typically have long cool downs. The more powerful the spirit, the longer the cool down. The spirit is also not allowed to go within a 3 mile radius of its summoner

    Abilities/Powers:
    D-rank spells:
    Spoiler:

    C-rank:
    Spoiler:


    Last edited by RogueDoll on 21st January 2013, 2:38 pm; edited 20 times in total
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    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Empty Re: Alice Crystals Magic Registration

    Post by Guest 1st January 2013, 6:29 pm

    Follow the instructions that are in this color.

    RogueDoll wrote:Primary Magic: Celestial spirit summoning <--Fine
    Secondary Magic: n/a <--Fine
    Caster or Holder: Holder <--Fine
    Description: When a mage gets a hold of a key, they must form a contract with the spirit that is linked with the key. The spirit is then bound to them and will try their harderist to aid to their masters request. <--Hardest*
    Strengths: The master fights along side the spirit, their for giving them an advantage. The spirit can not be killed, only sent back to the spirit world. <--Fine
    Weaknesses: When a spirit is beaten, or if its energy is used up, they typically have long cool downs. The more powerful the spirit, the longr the cool down. <-- Add Another Weakness, this isn't an weakness, weaknesses are things like, the range in these spirits can travel from you is limited and things like that.

    Abilities/Powers:

    Name: Lacerta <--Fine
    Rank: D <--Fine
    Type: poison <--Fine
    Description: The caster must hold out the key and say "I open the gate of the giant serpent,Lacerta". The giant white snak Lacerta will then appear. Its skin is venumous, so if it touches you, the venom seeps into your poors.<-- Give the creature an actual size, compare it to another large animal so we can know how big it is, Spelling: snak -> snake , poors -> pores, venumous -> venomous
    Strengths: Its a giant snake that can strangle people. And if the snake touched you for more then 3 seconds, your poisoned. <-- Get rid of the mention of "3 seconds" Replace it with, it secretes a D-rank poison that has ______ effect on the target that lasts __________ amount of turns. <-- Fill in the blanks.
    Weaknesses: long cool down, and its a giant snake. This making it an easy target, not to mention it has soft skin, makig it easy to be peirced. It is weak against wind or air attacks. <-- State cooldowns like this "Cooldown: ____" <-- fill in the blank. Spelling: makig -> Making , peirced -> pierced
    Name: Poison skin <--Fine
    Rank: D <--Fine
    Type: poison <--Fine
    Description: if your skin touches the snake, you get poisoned. <-- No, you already have this as a passive ability, this should be something else. Lets have it so that your creature can secrete a poison fog from its mouth that covers ten meters, anything within the area of that has the effect of __________<--- You decide, thrust upon them for _______ amount of turns.
    Strengths: poisons enemy causing them to lose strenngth and magic ability <-- okay so the poison you use actually couldn't do this, what it could do is make them more sluggish.
    Weaknesses: doesn't get threw armor <--Fine

    Name: Adromida <-- Andromeda
    Rank: D <--Fine
    Type: Malee <-- Melee
    Description: By saying "I call apon the youthful princess, Adromida" a young, golden skind women will apear. She will have a purple kimono and long red hair. She will have 2 swords and can use them do malee combat with the opponent and protect her summoner. <-- How long are the swords? Spelling: apon -> upon , Adromid -> Andromeda , skind -> skinned , apear -> appear , malee -> melee.
    Strengths: She is a quick on her feet and can protect er summoner thanks to her swords. She can also do hand to hand combat.<--Fine
    Weaknesses: she might be fast, but her attacks dont do much damage, her defence is also not very strong. <--Fine, state she has a D-rank attack and Defense.
    Name: Petal dance <--Fine
    Rank: D <--Fine
    Type: Malee <--Melee
    Description: Her entire body turns into hundreds of little flower petals with blade like edge. They strike the enemy, each petal dies when it cutts the opponent. Andromita goes back to the spirit world when this attack is done. <-- Spelling: cutts -> cuts , Andromita -> Andromeda.
    Strengths: hundred of painful cuts on the opponent and it is almost impossibe to dodge. <-- Never say impossible to dodge, just say it is a extremely fast flurry of d-rank slashes.
    Weaknesses: each cut doesn't do much damamge. Adromida goes back to the spirit world when finished. <-- State they do d-rank damage. Spelling: Adromida -> Andromeda , damamge -> damage

    Name: Boötis <--Fine
    Rank: D <--Fine
    Type: Drunk <--Fine
    Description: when holding out the kay and stateing "I call apon the heavy drinker, Boötis", a 7 foot tall man will appear. He will have a big gut but huge muscels. he is very strong but is drunk and will have a keg of beer with him. <--Spelling: kay -> key , stateing -> stating , apon -> upon , muscels -> muscles.
    Strengths: He is strong. He can lift up to 3 times his weightwhen he is drunk. <-- State his weight in the description.
    Weaknesses: He is drunk. He is slow and cant/ wont follow orders completely. He will get Lazy most of the time. He can easily be outsmarted. <--Fine
    Name: Alcoholic Rage <--Fine
    Rank: D <--Fine
    Type: Drunk <--Fine
    Description: Bootis Fniishes off his keg and then grows twice his size. He then goes on a rampage, charging twords his opponent with unstoppible strength. <-- Yeah no, unstoppable strength at D-rank is nothing. D-rank mages are novices whom just learned their magic.
    Strengths: very powerful. <-- State a better strength and trash that one.
    Weaknesses: Very recless, is easily dodgable. <-- So basically he becomes slower?

    Fix all edits, bump when done.
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    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Empty Re: Alice Crystals Magic Registration

    Post by Guest 1st January 2013, 6:47 pm

    bump
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    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Empty Re: Alice Crystals Magic Registration

    Post by Guest 1st January 2013, 9:27 pm

    I think you missed some of the things I told you to add. Recheck again. >_<
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    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Empty Re: Alice Crystals Magic Registration

    Post by Guest 2nd January 2013, 2:17 pm

    ok, i went threw and edited everything, and sense my application for gemini got approved, i added gemini in their as well, i hope it is better now, if their is anything else please post or pm me what i need to do :)
    Emilia Hawke
    Emilia Hawke

    Ysmir Ddvansebrom


    Ysmir Ddvansebrom

    Moderator- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- Dragon Slayer- Veteran Level 2- Veteran Level 1- Senior [500]- Novice [250] - 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
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    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Empty Re: Alice Crystals Magic Registration

    Post by Emilia Hawke 2nd January 2013, 6:07 pm

    APPROVED


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    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  471 Alice Crystals Magic Registration  H05POqb Alice Crystals Magic Registration  471
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    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Empty Re: Alice Crystals Magic Registration

    Post by Guest 21st January 2013, 10:17 am

    ok i added in my Spells :) ready for checking :)
    Rosetta Crawford
    Rosetta Crawford

    Administrator- Moderator- Developer/GFX Artist- Regular VIP Status- VIP- Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- God Of Ishgar- Ten Wizard Saint Member- Guild Master- Demon Slayer- Legal Guild Ace- H-Rank- S-Rank- A-Rank- Veteran Level 2- Veteran Level 1- Magic Application Approved!- Obtain A Secondary Magic!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Grand Master [2000]- Master [1000]- Senior [500]- Novice [250]- X-Mas Event Participant- Hero- Villain- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : Embodiment of the 13th
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    Guild : Blue Pegasus
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    Mentor : Sky Emperor Shangdi
    Experience : 367,824.5

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Ten No Kichi
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Empty Re: Alice Crystals Magic Registration

    Post by Rosetta Crawford 21st January 2013, 10:42 am

    RogueDoll wrote:Primary Magic: Celestial spirit summoning
    Secondary Magic: n/a
    Caster or Holder: Holder
    Description: When a mage gets a hold of a key, they must form a contract with the spirit that is linked with the key. The spirit is then bound to them and will try their harderist to aid to their masters request. The users rank determins how many spirits he or she cansu mmon ato once. The duration of each spirit is 3 posts.
    Strengths: The master fights along side the spirit, their for giving them an advantage. The spirit can not be killed, only sent back to the spirit world.
    Weaknesses: When a spirit is beaten, or if its energy is used up, they typically have long cool downs. The more powerful the spirit, the longr the cool down. The spirit is also not allowed to go within a 3 mile radius of its summoner

    Abilities/Powers:
    D-rank spells:
    Spoiler:

    C-rank:
    Spoiler:


    Firstly: its spelt wool and not whool.
    There are many spelling mistakes. I have put the corrections next to them in teal. comments on stuff that needs changing or adding is also in teal.


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Zack2_by_gramcrackers-d8ker96

    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Zack_by_ravenart5-d8j23c0

    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Zackrose_zpse9a22d85
    Current missions(4/6):  get the squid A, King of Fighters(S), Village Protection(A), Repair the House(D)
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    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Empty Re: Alice Crystals Magic Registration

    Post by Guest 21st January 2013, 2:11 pm

    ok finished :)
    Rosetta Crawford
    Rosetta Crawford

    Administrator- Moderator- Developer/GFX Artist- Regular VIP Status- VIP- Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- God Of Ishgar- Ten Wizard Saint Member- Guild Master- Demon Slayer- Legal Guild Ace- H-Rank- S-Rank- A-Rank- Veteran Level 2- Veteran Level 1- Magic Application Approved!- Obtain A Secondary Magic!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Grand Master [2000]- Master [1000]- Senior [500]- Novice [250]- X-Mas Event Participant- Hero- Villain- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : Embodiment of the 13th
    Position : None
    Posts : 3499
    Guild : Blue Pegasus
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Mentor : Sky Emperor Shangdi
    Experience : 367,824.5

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Ten No Kichi
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Empty Re: Alice Crystals Magic Registration

    Post by Rosetta Crawford 21st January 2013, 2:24 pm

    RogueDoll wrote:Primary Magic: Celestial spirit summoning
    Secondary Magic: n/a
    Caster or Holder: Holder
    Description: When a mage gets a hold of a key, they must form a contract with the spirit that is linked with the key. The spirit is then bound to them and will try their hardest to aid to their masters request. The users rank determines how many spirits he or she can summon at once. The duration of each spirit is 3 posts.
    Strengths: The master fights along side the spirit, their for giving them an advantage. The spirit can not be killed, only sent back to the spirit world.
    Weaknesses: When a spirit is beaten, or if its energy is used up, they typically have long cool downs. The more powerful the spirit, the longer the cool down. The spirit is also not allowed to go within a 3 mile radius of its summoner

    Abilities/Powers:
    D-rank spells:
    Spoiler:

    C-rank:
    Spoiler:


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Zack2_by_gramcrackers-d8ker96

    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Zack_by_ravenart5-d8j23c0

    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Zackrose_zpse9a22d85
    Current missions(4/6):  get the squid A, King of Fighters(S), Village Protection(A), Repair the House(D)
    Rosetta Crawford
    Rosetta Crawford

    Administrator- Moderator- Developer/GFX Artist- Regular VIP Status- VIP- Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- God Of Ishgar- Ten Wizard Saint Member- Guild Master- Demon Slayer- Legal Guild Ace- H-Rank- S-Rank- A-Rank- Veteran Level 2- Veteran Level 1- Magic Application Approved!- Obtain A Secondary Magic!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Grand Master [2000]- Master [1000]- Senior [500]- Novice [250]- X-Mas Event Participant- Hero- Villain- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : Embodiment of the 13th
    Position : None
    Posts : 3499
    Guild : Blue Pegasus
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Mentor : Sky Emperor Shangdi
    Experience : 367,824.5

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Ten No Kichi
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Empty Re: Alice Crystals Magic Registration

    Post by Rosetta Crawford 21st January 2013, 2:39 pm

    Approved


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Zack2_by_gramcrackers-d8ker96

    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Zack_by_ravenart5-d8j23c0

    Alice Crystals Magic Registration  Zackrose_zpse9a22d85
    Current missions(4/6):  get the squid A, King of Fighters(S), Village Protection(A), Repair the House(D)

      Current date/time is 16th November 2024, 11:47 pm