Take Care of My Baby! (Vanessa)

“Bottle of sake,” the blonde lady declared after pushing the doors to the Salty Jackal open with a resounding bang. “Don't bother warming it.”

The bartender looked up at her, still clutching the pint glass he was wiping with a rag. His expression was bitter as he eyed the stranger who stepped into his bar. “Sure,” he said gruffly, placing the glass on the counter and using the same rag to mop up the sweat that gathered over his brow.

He opened the glass cabinet behind him and reached up to pull out a dusty bottle. Giving it a quick wipe, he placed it in front of the lady along with a glass. “Fifty jewels,” he said.

The lady smirked and shoved her hand into the pouch hanging from her belt and fishing out a fistful of jewels. She chucked them lightly onto the counter and the bartender counted out his fifty before pushing the remainder back to her. She pulled up a stool, sat down and popped the bottle open before taking a hefty gulp of the pungent, acidic liquid. Satisfied with the taste, she poured some into the glass and began sipping at that. The bartender went back to his cleaning and a deathly silence hung over the room.

It was barely noon, so the bar was empty other than the bartender and the lone woman who was content enough drinking her sake. Seemingly bothered by the awkward silence, the bartender spoke up. “So what brings you here then?” he asked.

The lady glanced over at him. “Travelling,” she replied with a casual shrug. “Looking for work.”

“Ah,” the bartender said with a nod.

He pointed at a board that was propped up against the wall. “There's still a few requests up there,” he added.

The lady looked at the board to see a couple of sheets tacked to it. She went over for a closer look. There were some unsavoury jobs of the sort she wouldn't do no matter how desperate she was, but there was one that simply seemed tedious at best. She figured it might be worth it, if only for the reward offered, so she pulled the sheet down and returned to her seat. “Is this all the work you've got?” she asked, holding the paper out for the bartender.

The bartender nodded. “All the decent jobs get snapped up at the drop of a hat,” he explained. “I say the same thing to everyone else; you gotta get here the morning the jobs are posted.”

The lady snatched the paper back from the bartender and read it again, her brow furrowed in a frown as she debated the merits of taking this job. Seven hundred and fifty jewels was a pretty enticing offer at this point... but babysitting? “Never thought I'd see the day,” she thought bitterly as she hastily folded the paper and stuffed it into her pocket.

She tilted her head back and raised her glass to pour the contents into her mouth. She gulped, sighed, and slammed the glass on the bar before making a gesture of offering at the jewels that lay on the counter for the bartender. “Cheers,” she said simply before sliding her stool back and getting up on her feet.

She stretched her arms out as she left the pub out into the bright, midday sun. Squinting against the light, she made her way down the street, pushing past a couple of people who were in her way. The couple uttered an exclamation and glared at her but she completely ignored them.

Over an hour later, the lady found herself in the residential district, glancing from door to door in search of the address noted on the job flyer. She had already spent a considerable amount of time conversing with someone to get directions here and she was beginning to worry that she might be too late. “Where the fuck are you..?” she murmured before doing a double take and uttering a soft “Aha...”

She found the place she was looking for.

She stepped up to the front door and knocked loudly.

“Just a minute!” a muffled voice responded in a rather annoying musical tone.

The lady waited impatiently for at least five minutes before the door was opened. She was greeted by another lady who was half way through applying excessive amounts of make-up. “Yes?” she asked, raising a fake, drawn-on eyebrow.

“Are you Katy?” the blonde lady asked, glancing at the sheet to make sure she got the name right.

“Oh, you're here about the job!” the other woman exclaimed delightedly. “Come in, come in!”

The lady stepped into the neatly furnished property and looked around. A middle-aged man was checking himself out in front of a mirror, combing his moustache. “This is my husband, Peter,” Katy said. “And...”

Katy crouched down to scoop up the tiny little baby that was attempting to make a beeline for the kitchen. “This little angel is Roger!”

The lady nodded. “My name's Vanessa,” she said.

“It's a pleasure!” Katy beamed.

“Ness! N-Ness!” the baby repeated around the pacifier that he had stuffed in his mouth.

“What have I gotten myself into..?” Vanessa thought, feeling an increasing sense of dread. The baby looked like he was a mischievous little imp.

“Well then!” Katy said enthusiastically. “I'm sure you will become very good friends! Just don't let my little cutie into the kitchen as he has a penchant for playing with knives.”

Katy thrust Roger into Vanessa's arms, went to grab her and her husband's coats, hooked her arm around his and practically dragged him to the door. “Help yourself to food in the cupboard and we'll pay you when we get back,” she said, ushering Peter out the door before following him out, only to poke her head back in. “Toodles!”

The door slammed shut and then all was silent. Vanessa was left wondering whether Katy realised she had only half-finished her make-up application. A rather amusing image crept into her mind of Katy's half-plastered face as she and her husband ate at some swanky restaurant. The young blonde smirked as she looked at Roger, who she still held out at arm's length as if he was diseased. Roger smiled sweetly, clenching his only two teeth over the teat of his pacifier so as not to drop it. Then his face contorted as his whole body tensed. He looked strained and his face turned red as he uttered a groan. Vanessa's face dropped. “Oh no...”

Suddenly there was a sound that could only be described as a series of alternating trumpets blowing bubbles into a thick, gloopy substance. The smell that followed was horrendous. Vanessa gagged and promptly placed the child on the floor. He began screaming at the top of his lungs as she rushed around the house in a frantic search for clean nappies and toiletries. “Why didn't that lunatic woman tell me where everything is?!” she questioned out loud as she went through all the cupboards and drawers and cabinets and boxes and bags...

Finally, she happened across a stack of clean nappies, along with soaps and cloths. Equipped for the task at hand, Vanessa picked up baby Roger and placed him on the table. Wrinkling her nose in disgust and feeling extremely flustered by the incessant screaming, she opened up his onesie and took off his nappy. “Fucking hell,” she growled, gnashing her teeth in frustration as she shoved the nappy into a bag and began wiping Roger's backside clean with soap and warm water. He kicked and squirmed, making the ordeal far more messy than necessary.

On completing this disgusting task, she put on the clean nappy and buttoned up the onesie before sitting Roger back on the floor and proceeding to wash her own hands.

It was with a great big sigh of relief that she sat down on the couch and fervently hoped that she would never have to change a baby's nappy ever again. She would much rather be out battling monsters, hunting down criminals, assassinating or simply just breaking someone's legs for missing out on a debt repayment. At least that kind of work provided a more practical use for her skills.

Her eyes narrowed as she watched Roger making his way into the kitchen. “What if I just leave the little shit to his own devices?” she thought darkly, wondering whether this job was really worth the seven hundred and fifty jewels.

After a moment's consideration, she decided to get up and grab Roger. He grinned and flailed his tiny little fists about. “Foo! Foo!” he uttered.

“Excuse me?” Vanessa replied.

“Foo!”

She realised that Roger was gesturing towards the food cupboards. “You want food?” she asked.

Roger giggled. “Foo!” he said approvingly.

“Alright,” Vanessa said with a shrug. “Let's see what your mum and dad have.”

She made her way over to the cupboards, holding Roger in one hand while she used her other to rummage. Vanessa was no cook, so she settled for a couple of packs of instant noodles. She opened them and poured them into a saucepan, along with a jug of water, before placing it on the hob. Much to Roger's amusement, his minder used a little bit of her fire magic to ignite the burner. She added some seasoning and allowed the mixture a few minutes to simmer before the noodles were ready to eat. Roger was placed in his high chair and the food divided into two bowls.

Before long, Roger's bowl was discarded and his noodles spread across his little table. His face was a mess as he had been stuffing fistful after fistful of noodles down his mouth. Vanessa just left him to it; he seemed to be enjoying himself and it allowed her to enjoy her own helping, even if it was pretty bland and tasteless.

The following few hours passed rather uneventfully. Vanessa allowed herself to hope that the evening would end this way. As the sky got darker, Roger seemed to grow more tired. He sat amidst a pile of toys, rubbing at his eyes. Vanessa clapped her hands together, startling him. “Right, bed time!” she declared.

At the mere utterance of those two words, Roger's lip curled...

and trembled...

and then he began screaming bloody murder.

Cursing herself for her mistake, she picked him up and tried to console him. “Shhh, shhh...” she crooned. “It's okay, I was only joking.”

Roger wouldn't have any of it.

“Calm down, you little turd...”

Eventually, Roger quietened down. Vanessa took him upstairs to his room and lay him down in his cot. He began screaming again, spitting out his pacifier. She tried giving it back to him, but he kept spitting it out again. Not knowing what else to do, she decided to leave him to it, thinking he might just cry himself to sleep or at least calm down.

She went back downstairs, made herself a cup of tea and sat down in front of the lacrima-powered television. As usual, there was nothing good on. A re-run of some parade that was held in honour of Fiore's Royalty earlier that day in Crocus, a live performance of some theatre troupe in Akane Resort...

Minutes pass and Roger becomes quiet. “The little turd must be sleeping,” she thought, feeling as though a huge weight had been taken off her shoulders.

She helped herself to a copious amount of snacks from the kitchen, kicked her boots off and made herself comfortable. Just as she was beginning to think that maybe this wasn't such a bad job after all, she heard a loud clanking and grinding from upstairs. “What the hell?” she murmured, glancing at the ceiling.

Reluctantly, she got up off the couch and crept upstairs to see what the noise was. Her heart stopped. “You underestimate me!” came a voice from the darkness, sounding every bit like the stereotypical posh-sounding villains you see in spy thrillers.

A series of lights blinked on to reveal a green, gleaming metal contraption and, nestled comfortably on its head... Roger. “I don't want to go to bed,” came the voice, rather threateningly. “I want to stay up and play!”

Vanessa's eyes widened as the mechanical beast raised an arm and directed it towards her. She dived downstairs as a rocket was launched in her direction, narrowly avoiding the projectile as it smashed through the wall and completely obliterated the guest bedroom.

She landed heavily, bouncing off the last couple of steps, grunting in pain. “Shit, shit, shit!” she gasped, wondering how the hell a baby could even own such a contraption, let alone successfully pilot it.

“What are you?!” she shrieked as she scrambled to her feet to find cover.

“I am but a child,” the voice responded. “A highly intelligent child, but a child nonetheless. My father is an engineer who uses lacrima to power machines. I learned by watching and managed to create this suit. I find it far more enabling than my own feeble body.”

“No kidding,” Vanessa retorted as she began to formulate a battle plan. “So is there any chance you can just, uh... get out of that thing and go back to bed?”

“I want to play hide and seek,” Mecha-Roger replied as he slowly descended down the stairs.

Vanessa weighed her options. A head-on attack would be foolish under any other circumstances, but she was facing a child who probably wasn't even a one year old yet. It was a ludicrous predicament that she was in, but all she had to do was get the little brat out of that thing and make sure he couldn't get back in it. If she wasn't able to grab him, maybe she could use her fire magic to heat the metal up enough to make him so uncomfortable he would want to get out.

“Alright, you little turd!” she growled as she channelled her magic into her fists, causing them to be engulfed in flames. “You're going back to bed whether you like it or not!”

Letting out a guttural roar, she rolled forwards and charged towards the baby in the mech suit. She ducked down as one of the robot's fists was launched towards her, narrowly avoiding being struck in the face. Then she leaped... hands outstretched... and landed on top of the mechanical beast! Laughing madly, Vanessa went to press her hands on the metal armour.

Only for there to be a loud zap and crackle.

Vanessa yelped as she received a jolt of electricity strong enough to send her careening right through the wall and into the kitchen. Utterly stunned, she lay there spread-eagled for a moment, panting and wide-eyed. “Wow!” she exclaimed finally. “Holy shit...”

She groaned loudly as she got back onto her feet, shaking bits of ceramic and cordite off herself. Grabbing a knife from a nearby rack, she turned back to face Roger. She took a moment to study the mechanical suit as it advanced on her, taking stock of the wiring hooked up across its back. She grinned wickedly and brandished the knife.

“I don't like this game,” came the tinny voice from the robot.

“Oh come on,” Vanessa replied. “I'm having fun!”

She dashed towards the robot and skidded across the floor, passing beneath the robot's legs. It tried to scoop her up in one of its great big mechanical hands, but she slipped just out of reach. Quickly getting back onto her feet behind the thing, she began slashing wildly with the knife, hacking through the exposed wires.

Sparks flew everywhere, some dancing across the skin of Vanessa's exposed arms and causing her to tingle. The result of her assault became immediately apparent as the mechanical beast collapsed to its knees. “No! Stop!” the voice deplored, drastically altering in pitch as it malfunctioned.

Finally, all that could be heard was the sound of Roger crying loudly. Looking far more smug than she probably should, Vanessa stood over the baby and folded her arms. “Bed,” she declared.

Later that night, Vanessa stood by the front door of the house, arms folded as she waited impatiently. She was a little relieved that Katy and her husband were late coming back. It gave her some time to make an attempt at hiding the evidence of what had transpired that night. She just had to intercept the couple before they stepped inside, take her payment and then make a run for it.

She put on her sweetest smile when she saw the couple approach. “Hey,” she greeted with a wave. “Just needed a bit of fresh air.”

Katy smiled, looking somewhat inebriated. Her face was still half plastered with make-up. “How's my little angel doing?” she asked.

“Fast asleep,” Vanessa said.

“Aw, thank you Nessa,” Katy said.

“No problem.”

Katy put a hand on her husband's shoulder for support as she wobbled on her feet. She reached into her handbag and withdrew a pouch of jewels. “Here's your payment, as promised,” she said.

Vanessa took the pouch. “Thanks!” she said. “I need to rush off home now. It was fun, you guys!”

With that, Vanessa hastily took her leave. As she turned off the street, she heard the woman screaming and couldn't help but laugh as she quickened her pace. It probably wouldn't be such a good idea showing up there again.