Hello, Daniel Ross,
I'm Marceline Anicetus and you may have seen me around in the chatbox yesterday when you were on. People call me Marcy or Marshy for short, so you're free to call me either of those names if you so choose. Anyway, I noticed that you posted the link to this in the Approved Magic board, you were supposed to post it on the Primary Magic Approval Thread. However, since I've now posted on this, you don't have to do that this time around, as I'll be the one grading your application. So, with that being said, anything in this color is a requested or suggested change to your magic application. Mind you, all of this is done to help your magic become as powerful as it can be at your current rank, so don't be intimidated if there's a shit ton of color on it. Also, if you have any questions or concerns regarding your magic, please send me a private message (PM) here on the site or contact me on Skype at secret_sorrow.
Sincerely,
Marceline Anicetus (Marcy/Marshy)
I'm Marceline Anicetus and you may have seen me around in the chatbox yesterday when you were on. People call me Marcy or Marshy for short, so you're free to call me either of those names if you so choose. Anyway, I noticed that you posted the link to this in the Approved Magic board, you were supposed to post it on the Primary Magic Approval Thread. However, since I've now posted on this, you don't have to do that this time around, as I'll be the one grading your application. So, with that being said, anything in this color is a requested or suggested change to your magic application. Mind you, all of this is done to help your magic become as powerful as it can be at your current rank, so don't be intimidated if there's a shit ton of color on it. Also, if you have any questions or concerns regarding your magic, please send me a private message (PM) here on the site or contact me on Skype at secret_sorrow.
Sincerely,
Marceline Anicetus (Marcy/Marshy)
- Original:
- Daniel Ross wrote:Magic
Primary Magic: Lightning magic.
Secondary Magic:
Caster or Holder: Caster
Description: Daniel uses lightning/electric magic, and is able to control and uses both lightning and electrical currents, because of the similiarities. He can use it as naturally as one might run or walk, and only uses a few spells that require some gesture to activate it. He becomes one with the element of lightning.
I would like to know more about the history of your magic (i.e. how did Daniel come across learning this magic or was he born with it? If he learned it, how exactly did he learn this magic to master being able to use it? Before Daniel mastered this, how was this magic created? Et cetera). Really dig deep into the description of your magic and focus on how it was made/discovered on Earthland and what parts of the magic Daniel uses to increase his battle strength.
Strengths: Stunning, burning, Moderate area damage, focusing attacks, can absorb electricity.
I'd like for these to be bulleted. You can bullet things using the code below that I gave for you. Also, mind explaining the strengths a bit rather than simply listening them? (i.e How does it stun? How does it burn? What is moderate area damage? What do you mean by focusing attacks?) Also, for the 'can absorb electricity' strength, I suggest stating that it is immune to lightning/electricity attacks equal to and lower in rank than the user
- Code:
[list][*]Word
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If one surface that is conductive can be shocked by own attack. This is worded strangely, you may want to double check that it makes grammatical sense.
Can be reflected or absorbed or channeled by metal and/or electric mages.
If used to much in a short amount of time it won't be as effective. This is a filler weakness in my opinion and not really worth noting about the magic as it really limits how powerful you can make the magic
If not properly aimed it might have lower accuracy and effect.
I'd like for you to consider using the list code I gave up in strengths to help organize. Also, you need one more weakness than strength.
Lineage: Marksman's Aim- One attack cannot miss, and his eyesight is doubled, giving him uncanny accuracy. Takes 5 posts to cool down.
Unique Abilities: Absorption- Can absorb lightning or electricty attacks at a certain rate. If to much and too fast, he can get injured. I'm completely fine with this being a Unique Ability; however, I'm going to ask that you can only absorb electricity/lightning spells that are equal to or lower in rank than the user. Likewise, I'd like for there to be a number on how many of those spells can be absorbed with a cool down as well.
Short distance energy travel- Able to turn into energy and travel 100 yards as it before having to return to normal. Needs a medium, like lightning, or conductive gas. This, again, is completely fine to have as a UA, but I'm going to suggest that you state you can use lightning/electricity to travel in any way, shape, or form that you wish, with no distance outside of PvP. Inside of PvP, I'd like for you to state the distance you can go (and whether the distance increases by a certain amount of meters per rank), as well as for how long and a cool down with it.
Electric manipulation- Able to manipulate electricty into tools or as a means of communication. For this, any weapon that is made by you can only deal base armed melee damage of the user's rank and no more. I'd like for you to explain how this can be used as a means of communication though.
Spells:
Name: Lightning Crafter
Rank: D
Type: Offensive
Duration: 1 to 3 posts. I suggest changing this to 3 posts
Cooldown: 2 to 4 posts Change the duration to just 4 posts
Description: Daiel Small note that you spelled Daniel's name wrong can move his hand in the air quickly (like a waving motion) and is able to generate lightning composed weapons, and can generate them made out of pure energy: Sword- 2 to 4 feet long and can have a shocking affect.
Spear/Lance- 5 to 7 feet long, can be thrown up to 100 yards at max power.
Bow- 3 feet long. Arrows are lightning bolts, and can travel up to 400 yards before dissipating. After 200 yards it's power cuts down to 3/4 of original. First and foremost, this kind of spell doesn't require a range that these can be used in, since they'll result in close combat. You also do not have to list what weapons you can make out of the spell. Secondly, I'd like for it to be stated that each weapon only deals armed melee damage of the user's rank.
Or you can go with the second option by choosing one of the listed weapons you have, turning it into a requip spell and giving that said weapon a passive and an active. Considering you have a UA very similar to this spell, I feel that making a requip out of this is the best option.
Strengths: Can have shock affect. Detail the shock effect; for instance, how does it affect the opponent?
Has pierceing affect like real weapons.
Can conduct energy through metal.
Weaknesses: Can be repelled like normal weapons.
Can be dissapated or absorbed by special magic armor.
Can be reflected if it leaves his hand.
Recoil might throw aim off by a small fraction.
Name Lightning Shield
Rank: D
Type: Defensive
Fused Spells
Description: Daniel crosses arms or holds up and is able to make a shield that acts as a normal one. Can be from normal arm shield up to a sphere enclosing over him. The defensive postitions along with his command triggers the shield to activate on or around him. Can block 2 D rank spells or 1 C rank spells. Please give a size of the shield in meters. 3 meters is 9ft and would fit perfectly as a shield size for example.
Duration: 2-3 posts Change this to 3 posts
Cooldown: 3-4 posts Keep this at 4 posts
Strengths: Can repel most attacks.
Can shock metal blades.
Weaknesses: Cannot block fire, earth or wind magic attacks. Fire passes through, others make shield giveout.
Hard to use while using Lightning Craft.
Agility is decreased by 5%.
Name Lightning Bolt
Rank: D
Type: Offensive
Fused Spells
Description: Able to shoot a high powered concentrated bolt at someone. He stands still, and starts building energy inside of him, and fires a high powered beam of lightning at the person. What is the range at which the bolt can be shot? Max range at D rank is 15 meters
Duration: 1 posts
Cooldown: 3 posts Lower this to 2 psots
Strengths: Does 10% more damage to metal armour. Please state this strength in the spell description and increase it to 25% 5% decreased movement to hit targets. Please state this strength in the spell description. I'd also like for you to increase the reduced speed to 25%
Weaknesses: Have to charge up for 1-3 turns. This isn't listed as a charge up spell, so I see no point in this as a weakness
Recoil pushes him back 10 feet. Please state this in teh spell description as well
Decreases by half-power after 20 yards. I'd like for this to be stated in the spell description and the range edited to accommodate the range I asked for you to specify
Name Booster Lightning
Rank: D
Type: Offensive
Fused Spells
Description: Able to enhance own melee attacks, such as punching, or kicking, and strength with lightning and energy boosts. Can cover body or just a certain part.
Duration: 2-3 posts Change this to 3 posts
Cooldown: 4-5 posts Change this to 4 posts
Strengths: Gives all around enhancement, stength, speed, agility. By 20% The spell simply states it enhances your melee attacks, which means it boosts just the strength of them. I'd like for the percentage in which the strength of the melee is boosted to be in the spell description
Weaknesses: If you use it up until it gives out, you will slow down by 5% for three posts. You'll want to state that this affects the user, not the opponent
Cannot boost allys, and also cannot use other lightning spells while using this. A hefty nerf in my opinion, I suggest just stating that it can't be used on allies.