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    AKU!!! Aqutanama Raziel Elrich

    Aqutanama Raziel Elrich
    Aqutanama Raziel Elrich

    Player 
    Lineage : Ice Cold
    Position : None
    Posts : 64
    Guild : Lamia Scale
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 200

    Completed AKU!!! Aqutanama Raziel Elrich

    Post by Aqutanama Raziel Elrich 17th May 2015, 7:38 pm

    Name: Aqutanama Raziel Elrich
    Nickname: Aku
    Gender: Male
    Age: 15
    Birthday: 13, Jan
    Sexuality: Straight

    Special Characteristics:
    His eyes were both damaged when he was younger and because of that his Iris color was damaged turning it bright red. Although not something that everyone can see, he was cursed. His lungs fill with liquid and he is forced to cough it up. It usually takes a few minutes unless he pushes himself.

    Personality:
    Out of Battle
    His primary mode of living is focused internally, where he takes things in primarily via intuition. His secondary mode is external, where he deals with things according to how he feels about them, or how they fit with his personal value system. He is gentle, caring, complex and a highly intuitive individual. Artistic and creative, he lives in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities.  He places great importance on having things orderly and systematic in his outer world.

    He puts a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in his life. On the other hand, he operates within himself on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. He usually knows things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. He is usually right, and he usually knows it. Consequently, he puts a tremendous amount of faith into his instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in him not being as organized as other Judging people tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

    He has an uncanny insight into people and situations. He gets "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, he claims experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the he himself does not really understand his intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, he is protective of his inner self, sharing only what he chooses to share when he chooses to share it. He is deep, complex individual, who is quite private and typically difficult to understand. He holds back parts of himself, and can be secretive.

    But he is as genuinely warm as he is complex. He holds a special place in his heart of people who he is close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. He is concerned for people's feelings, and tries to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. He is very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive him, from normally peaceful, into a state of agitation or charged anger. He tends to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

    Because he has such strong intuitive capabilities, he trusts his own instincts above all else. Although if he believes in the capabilities of someone else, he may take their word over his instincts and tell them how he feels. He is rarely at complete peace with himself - there's always something else he should be doing to improve himself and the world around him. He believes in constant growth, and doesn’t often take time to revel in their accomplishments. He has a strong value systems, and needs to live his life in accordance with what he feels is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of his personality, he is in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, he has very high expectations of himself, and frequently of his family. He doesn’t believe in compromising his ideals.

    He is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. He would make a loving parent and would have strong bonds with his offspring. He would have high expectations of his children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in him being hard-nosed and stubborn. His children would probably get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

    In the workplace, the he usually shows up in areas where he can be creative and somewhat independent. He has a natural affinity for art, and excels in sciences, where he makes use of his intuition. He is an individual who is gifted in ways that other are not. Life is not necessarily easy for him, but he is capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

    In Battle
    His in battle personality matches his out of battle personality. He likes to feel things out and see what his opponent is up to. He will react reflexively to combat trying to adapt to any situation. Although he knows it’s impossible to adapt to all situations. Something within him forced him to help allies when they are in danger. When helping others he mostly throws himself into danger. Unless he can figure out something or some way to get to them and help, without being in danger. He isn’t all seeing and can make the mistake of overlooking wounded allies. This only stems to people he knows well enough to call friend. Other people he could care less about, although he sometimes goes out of his way to help others.

    He knows that melee combat isn’t going to be the only combat he can use, in a world of mages. He uses a bow and arrows for ranged and hand to hand when it comes to Melee combat. Something about Blood moving like water sets him off, especially from cuts and slashes. Instead he will try to incapacitate his foe or restrain them.


    Likes:

    • Cooking:
      He likes when his food can comfort people, the feeling of starving isn’t one that settles well in his mind. When people eat his food just seeing them finish the plate of food is thanks enough for him. But when people praise him for his cooking is when he really feels good.
    • Knowledge:
      He doesn’t like not knowing so he strives to gain what he can. He knows the more he knows the better. If people knew where he was when he was little they would have found him before the torture and could have saved him from the months of pain.
    • Magic:
      Even though his childhood was traumatic he still loves magic. Its mystery and how much children look up to their elders because of it. He once watched a spectacular display of a mage duel. A wind and a darkness mage fought and they ended the duel in a draw after expending their magical powers. Each had a smile on their face and he watched as they clasped hands walking off in to a tavern for drinks.
    • Drawing:
      Even though he is terrible at drawing anything he still likes to doodle into a small scrap book he carries on him.


    Dislikes:

    • Bullies: He felt hopeless in the face of someone who held power, his brother. He still can't believe that he was harmed by him.
    • Strobe lights: His eyes are sensitive to lights since his brother messed with him. Bright flashing lights while in the dark seems to be one of the most painful things to him and his eyes.
    • Forgetting Promises: He doesn’t like when someone forgets something they promise. But he hates it even more in himself. For him, to forget something that he promised is like forgetting to breathe. Sometimes you’re forced to stop breathing.
    • Betrayal Being betrayed by someone you just met can happen but someone you love is something more. The intimacy some give to others they trust is unreal. He had and because of this it hurt even more when it happened.


    Motivations:

    • Healing his damaged body:
      He needs help in fixing his damaged eyes and lungs, after the torture his brother did to him.
    • Get over fears:
      After a long self-diagnostic he found out what his most extreme fears were and decided that he couldn't help anyone if he was paralyzed with fear. Thus he is living in a town surrounded by water and possibly other fears of his.
    • Helping those that need help:
      He wants to help people because he feels like if he helps people maybe he will save someone from something like the things he had to endure as a child.
    • Learning new recipes for cooking and new techniques for drawing:
      He loves to learn, in cooking and in art. If he can he strives to perfect what limited skills he has. Even though he is a great cook his art skills are somewhat lacking. As it is said, even a master still learns his crafts. He is far from mastering any of his skills but it is a nice saying.


    Fears:

    • Scotomaphobia (Fear of Blindness)
      His Scotomaphobia came when he thought he would never see the light of day again within the orb of water cast upon him by his own brother. This fear was strengthened when he figured out his eyes were damaged. He fears his eyes will only grow weaker and weaker as he grows older.
    • Aquaphobia (Fear of Drowning)
      Aquaphobia, this to him isn’t a fear of water itself but the fear of drowning. His older brother spent nights empowering this fear into him.
    • Merinthophobia (Fear of being restrained)
      Merinthophobia, this fear stretches deeper that just being restrained. It’s the fear of being powerless to do anything to help change a bad outcome into a good one.
    • Aichmophobia, fear of needles. His brother or imposter of his brother had a thing for needles.


    General Appearance:
    Height: 6ft 2in
    Weight: 170lbs
    Hair: Long dark brown somewhat curly and when the sun hits it just right blood red.
    Eyes: When he wears his glasses light brown otherwise they are bright red.
    Skin Tone: Tanned He isn't light skinned and he isn't dark skinned. His skin color is something like a Native American's. Although it is lighter than most of their deep tanned skin.

    Appearance:
    He has an angular face with a distinct, slightly sharp chin and a well-built jaw line. His dark eyes are average in size and spaced evenly apart, sitting below nice neat eyebrows that seemed to curve as a natural extension of his broad, decently shaped nose. He usually keeps his mouth closed, but when he smiles it seems to brighten even the unbearably darkness within everyone. His Longhair reaches the bottoms of his scapula (shoulder blades)—is neatly tied and worn back to reveal his forehead. He wears a dark red jacket over his shoulders, it has somewhat dirty buttons and once belonged to his older brother. A scarf one would usually wear, was a gift, is tied so that it is behind him dangling, almost like a tail. He walks straight, his face held neutral in a steady gaze, and has an air of charm that isn’t obvious. He usually wears dark colors, anything containing Red, Blue, Black, Green and Purple. His Glasses have a slight tint of Sage Green to them adjusting his red eyes to brown. He went through a growth spurt and seems a bit lanky for a young man of his age.

    AKU!!! Aqutanama Raziel Elrich Tumblr_nonnqkyu5c1sicwtzo1_1280

    Guild/Council
    Guild: Lamia Scale
    Tattoo: Across the center of his back. I little higher than middle of back.
    Rank: Basic – D


    Last edited by Aqutanama Raziel Elrich on 21st May 2015, 10:50 am; edited 14 times in total
    avatar
    Ninetails Derpfox

    Moderator- Developer/GFX Artist- Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- Coming Storms- A-Rank- Rich- Veteran Level 1- Character History!- Magic Application Approved!- Get A Pet!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Grand Master [2000]- Master [1000]- Senior [500]- Novice [250]- X-Mas Event Participant- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Position : None
    Posts : 2261
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Soul
    Second Skill: Ice
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: AKU!!! Aqutanama Raziel Elrich

    Post by Ninetails Derpfox 19th May 2015, 1:21 pm

    user asked me to help by reviewing/proofreading

    I'll go from top to bottom:
    Special Characteristics: Glasses, Dark Red Jacket, Big Hat
    The fact that the jacket came from his brother is irrelevant since few people will know its origin, until you tell them. The hat isn't in the appearance section so It's advised to add it. With his glasses on, his eyes looks brown: what color are the glasses? I do a lot of art stuff, and one of the ways to make brown using red is by adding Green. Perhaps his glasses have a slight tint of Sage Green (Lamia Scale's Logo is this color)

    In personality, remove the spoiler as it's unnecessary. Switch format to "In Battle" and "Out of Battle"
    For in battle, how does he fight, does he talk to his opponent or is he uber serious, DO NOT MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT HIS MAGIC, does he like to toy with his enemies or will he just get it over with
    For out of battle in general what is he like when he isn't trying to hurt you.

    keep the personality paragraphs centered as it looks pretty good.
    Try to distinguish headings from subheadings. A good way to do it is to add color to the headings, and a different color to the sub headings.

    How to color:
    To color them, highlight the heading and click on the multicolored box at the top of the chat screen, and choose your color. The color will be represented by a code put in between brackets "[ ]" instead of actually being seen as a color. This will change once you submit the thread.

    Also, for headings, next to the color chooser, there is an "A" with a red arrow on the left, click that Icon and choose a larger size for the heading (highlight the heading first)

    swap forgetfulness to "Forgetting Promises" and forgetfulness is a very general statement and can mean anything.

    take his fears out of the spoiler, it doesn't need to be in one. Take the explanations out of spoilers as well. this is a better format for the fear section:

    Fears:
    Blindness (Scotomaphobia) - Insert Explanation
    Drowning (Aquaphobia) - Insert Explanation
    Restraining (Merinthophobia) - Insert Explanation

    Keep in mind, when on missions your character would have to show obvious signs of these fears.
    If he's too close to water, he's uneasy. Dark rooms scare him. The sight of restraining tools unnerve him as well.

    I advise making him taller, as 5 feet is 1ft taller than a midget. The average female in real life is 5ft 4inches. You're character at 5ft is shorter than the average fully grown woman... At age 15 he's still growing but should be a bit taller... not like adult sized, but a little more than 60 inches...

    Take spoiler from Appearance as it's not needed. If you have a drawn picture then that would go in the spoiler.


    Again, try to distinguish between your Headings, Subheadings, and Main Text.

    See, the colors stand out.

    For a great example of a well done application, click here.
    avatar
    Ninetails Derpfox

    Moderator- Developer/GFX Artist- Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- Coming Storms- A-Rank- Rich- Veteran Level 1- Character History!- Magic Application Approved!- Get A Pet!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Grand Master [2000]- Master [1000]- Senior [500]- Novice [250]- X-Mas Event Participant- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Position : None
    Posts : 2261
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Soul
    Second Skill: Ice
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: AKU!!! Aqutanama Raziel Elrich

    Post by Ninetails Derpfox 19th May 2015, 1:23 pm

    Oh, and when you're ready since this is the #1 thing you need for taking on jobs, and it's been 2 days... let one of the GM's know.
    Thorn
    Thorn

    Administrator- Moderator- Developer/GFX Artist- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- Veteran Level 1- Magic Application Approved!- Get A Pet!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Senior [500]- Novice [250]- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : Arm of Destiny
    Position : None
    Posts : 1405
    Guild : Savage Skull
    Cosmic Coins : 6
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 0

    Character Sheet
    First Skill:
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: AKU!!! Aqutanama Raziel Elrich

    Post by Thorn 20th May 2015, 6:37 am

    you need one more dislike and fear please


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    AKU!!! Aqutanama Raziel Elrich S6Eaz9K
    Aqutanama Raziel Elrich
    Aqutanama Raziel Elrich

    Player 
    Lineage : Ice Cold
    Position : None
    Posts : 64
    Guild : Lamia Scale
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Experience : 200

    Completed Re: AKU!!! Aqutanama Raziel Elrich

    Post by Aqutanama Raziel Elrich 20th May 2015, 3:47 pm

    Bump fix? I'm not sure if or why I was supposed to add another of each. Thought it said 3? Probably because I had four of the other two? Going to assume so.
    Felicity
    Felicity

    Administrator- Moderator- Developer/GFX Artist- VIP- Gain An Artifact- Quality Badge Level 1- Quality Badge Level 2- Quality Badge Level 3- God Slayer- Dragon Slayer- Dark Guild Ace- S-Rank- A-Rank- Veteran Level 2- Veteran Level 1- Character History!- Magic Application Approved!- Obtain A Secondary Magic!- Get A Pet!- Character Application Approved!- Complete Your First Job!- Obtain A Lineage!- Join A Faction!- Grand Master [2000]- Master [1000]- Senior [500]- Novice [250]- Advertisement Achievement Badge- 1 Year Anniversary- Player 
    Lineage : Evil Angel
    Position : None
    Posts : 2984
    Guild : Savage Skull
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 25
    Experience : 75987.5

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Toxic Scourge
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Completed Re: AKU!!! Aqutanama Raziel Elrich

    Post by Felicity 24th May 2015, 9:01 pm

    Apologies for the delay!

    AKU!!! Aqutanama Raziel Elrich W6fcIQ7


    _____________________________________________________________________________________


    WE'LL HELP TONIGHT TO SPLIT ITS SEAMS
    GIVE THE BRUISES OUT LIKE GIFTS, YOU'LL GET THE PICTURE OF YOUR DREAMS
    AKU!!! Aqutanama Raziel Elrich ObrztW


      Current date/time is 5th November 2024, 6:56 pm