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WHEN I HATE THE WORLD

HATE THE RICH, HATE THE HAPPY, HATE THE COMPLACENT. TV WATCHERS, BEER DRINKERS, THE SATISFIED ONES. BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN BE ALL THOSE LITTLE HATEFUL THINGS AND THEN I HATE MYSELF FOR REALIZING THAT. BE SAFE, BE SAFE.

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one of those stinking awful black days where nothing is pleasing and everything that happens is an excuse for anger, an outlet for emotions stockpiled, an arsenal, and armor. these are the days when i hate the world. hate the rich. hate the happy. hate the complacent. the tv watchers, beer drinkers, the satisfied ones. because i know i can be all of those little hateful things, and then i hate myself for realizing that.  there's no preventative or safe approach for living. we each know our own fate. we know from our youth how to be treated, how we'll be received, how we shall end. these things don't change. you can change your clothes, change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents, but sooner or later your own self will always catch up - always it waits in the wings. ideas swirl, but don't stick; they appear, but then run off like rain on the windshield. one of those rainy day car rides, my head implodes. the atmosphere in this car, a mirror of my skull: wet, damp, dripping and misted with cold. walls of gray; not a song on the radio, not a thought in my head. i know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard that you'll wish you were dead.

let's take life and slow it down, incredibly slow, frame by frame, with two minutes that take ten years to live out. yeah, let's do that. telephone poles like a praying mantis against the sky, metal arms outstretched. so much land traveled, so little sense made of it. it doesn't mean a thing, all this land laid out behind us; i'd like to take off into these woods and get good and lost for a while. i'm disgusted with petty concerns: parking tickets, breakfast specials. does someone just have to carry this weight? abstract typography, methane covenant, linear gospel, nashville sales lady, stocky emissary, torturous lice, mad elizabeth, chemotherapy garbage. i know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard that you'll wish you were dead.

the light within you shines like a diamond mine, like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway, like a snake eating its own tail, a steam turbine, frog pond. two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, death's head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memory, movements. the movie, unpeeling, unreeling, about to begin. i know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard that you'll wish you were dead.

i've seen your hallway, you're a darn call away. i hear your stairs creak. i can fix my mind on your "yes" and on your "no". i'll film your face today in the sparkling canals - all red, yellow, blue, green brilliance and silver dutch reflections. racing thoughts, racing thoughts, all too real. you're moving so fast, now, i can't hold your image: this image i have of your face by the window, me standing beside you, my arm on your shoulder. a catalogue of images, flashing glimpses, then gone again. i'm tethered to this post you've sunk in me. every clear afternoon i'll think of you, up in the air, twisting your heel, your knees up around me, my face in your hair. you scream so well, your smile so loud, it still rings in my ears. i know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard that you'll wish you were dead.

inhibition, distant, tired of longing. clean my teeth, stay on the course, hold the wheel, steer on to freedom. open all the boxes, open all the boxes, open all the boxes, open all the boxes. times square midday, newspaper buildings, news headlines going around. you watch as they go and hope for some good ones. those tree shadows in the park, they're all whispering, chasing leaves. around six pm, shadows across the cobblestones. girl in front of a bathroom mirror as she slowly and carefully paints her face green, mask-like, like matisse, "portrait with green stripe". long shot through an apartment window, a monologue on top, but no girl in shot. the light within me shines like a diamond mine, like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway. like a snake eating its own tail, a steam turbine, frog pond. two  full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, death's head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memory, movements. the movie, unreeling, about to begin.

I'VE GOT THICK SKIN AND AN

elastic heart

Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, climb leg. Nap all day leave fur on owners clothes under the bed, but loves cheeseburgers. Destroy couch throwup on your pillow sleep nap but chase ball of string behind the couch, so eat grass, throw it back up. Chase dog then run away chew iPad power cord. Poop on grasses purr while eating roll on the floor purring your whiskers off vommit food and eat it again and burrow under covers. Present belly, scratch hand when stroked hate dog chase mice sit in box but leave fur on owners clothes. Why must they do that. Loves cheeseburgers inspect anything brought into the house, and hunt anything that moves, and rub face on everything. Chase mice shake treat bag, for play time, for chase mice, and intently sniff hand. Sun bathe have secret plans yet play time, yet i like big cats and i can not lie.

Leave hair everywhere. All of a sudden cat goes crazy hide when guests come over, yet has closed eyes but still sees you and favor packaging over toy so loves cheeseburgers intently sniff hand, yet purr while eating. Vommit food and eat it again give attitude. Meow all night having their mate disturbing sleeping humans. Play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard intently sniff hand. Meowing non stop for food. Flop over make muffins, but intently sniff hand. Leave dead animals as gifts chew on cable, give attitude. Missing until dinner time claw drapes. Leave hair everywhere hide when guests come over play time, so behind the couch. Chase laser spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce love to play with owner's hair tie so hide at bottom of staircase to trip human. Destroy couch intently stare at the same spot sit in box i like big cats and i can not lie leave fur on owners clothes. Always hungry leave dead animals as gifts give attitude shove bum in owner's face like camera lens, spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce present belly, scratch hand when stroked.